Gleestuck
by Dr. Yuki
Summary: Your name is John Egbert. You attend Skaia High and you are the UNDENIABLE star of the not entirely prestigious Scratched Directions, Skaia's Glee club. Your year is going to be very interesting. We do not own Glee or MSPA.
1. Gleestuck: Begin

**Gleestuck**

**Chapter 1**

_**A Glee/Homestuck Fusion**_

Your name is John Egbert and you are about to embark on a journey. A journey of glitz, glamour, and showstopping musical numbers, that is! That is because you are the unparalleled singing star of Skaia High's Glee Club.

== Step into the music room

**A/N: Fu says; You liek? It was my brainbaby! Chapters are going to be short and choppy, as true to Hussie's style as we can get!**

**Ren says; Yeppers! :3 I'm so excited. I hope you guys aren't bothered by the shortness of this but yeah. Like said before, we want zees to be true to ze Hussie. On the good side, our chappies will be quickly updated, also many at a time! Ennnjoy!**


	2. Step into the music room

**Gleestuck**

**Chapter 2**

**A Glee/Homestuck Fusion!**

* * *

><p>Alas, you are surrouned by the mediocrity of Skaia's music room, drum sets line the walls as a piano stands center stage, horns and music stands and brass instruments that slightly resemble medieval torture devices are strewn about as well. Those weird plastic school chairs form rows on the levels of the perfectly acousticised classroom.<p>

== Play a haunting piano refrain

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; So... yeah. Told you guys it'd be pretty quick. :3 Hope ya'll enjoy!**


	3. Play a haunting piano refrain

**Gleestuck**

**Chapter 3**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

* * *

><p>The sudden urge to play a piano overtakes you as you dictate a rather strictly haunting piano rhythm. You dream about your doubtless talent and how you shall one day be the imperative star of Broadway. Crowds will weep in your presence as you belt high F's so sharply that skulls will literally burst with fits of happy convulsions.<p>

Then you wonder about the whereabouts of your fellow motley crew of strange, rejected singing thespians.

==» Be one of the fellow rejected singing thespians

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren; Weee! These little snippets are so fun! Now we get to meet some of our fellow rejected thespians!**


	4. Be one of the fellow rejected thespians

**Gleestuck**

**Chapter 4**

**A Glee/Homestuck Fusion!**

==» Be one of the fellow rejected singing thespians

* * *

><p>You are one of the fellow rejected singing thespians. Being an incredibly cat frantic roleplaying fanatic, the only place you would fit in the large scheme of high school would be no other place than the Glee Club, where you have to be accepted. Your name is Nepeta Leijon and you are a feline-admiring alto who is also keen on cosplay and is most comparable to a timid Asian from some other parallel universe which contains the same coincidentally ironic story-line though it involves nuances of a completely different caliber.<p>

Aside from that you were just on your way out of the little kitten's room after a thorough slushying strife at the hand of Skaia High's brutish athletics club members. The bulk of the bulky individuals seemed bent on the humiliation and destruction of members of glee, like you. (Though after an incedent that ended with you scratching someone's eye clean, said brutes kept their distance from our particular subject of narration.)

You suspect that if they dedicated the energy they did to torture to academics the great stars above would harbor some slight trace of mercy to their no doubt food service ridden futures. And so, on that bittersweet note, you stroll towards the music room in anticipation of the first glee practice of the year. Purring along, you wonder what your fellow gleeks are doing at the moment.

==» Be one of your fellow gleeks


	5. Be one of your fellow gleeks

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Be one of your fellow gleeks

* * *

><p>You are a fellow gleek.<p>

Your name is Tavros Nitram and you are the school handicap. Due to an accident you had involving one huge bitch and one huge fall you are confined to your wheely chair device if you wish to be mobile. You have heard just about any punny or laughable nickname there is out there for somebody in such a wheely device and quite frankly you are sick of it. Despite Rufio (your mega confident and roguishly charming alter ego) and his constant goading you cannot summon the strength or confidence to stand up for yourself. Both literally and figuratively.

==» Roll down the stairs

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu; Well I hope ya'll are enjoying this so far. And in case you didn't notice, the formatting is kind of developing as we go along. So be patient. Hope you guys enjoy it. And though you're seeing this story like two chapters behind us, MAN are the pieces falling together so well!**

**Ren; ALSO. This is going to be a kind of mish-mash of all the seasons of Glee so far, it'll go by the canon plot-wise about... 70% ? Of course HS adjustments will be made and some bits of plot will be... uh... Rushed for certain purposes. Well, you'll see.**


	6. Roll Down the Stairs

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Roll down the stairs

* * *

><p>You roll up to the edge of the hallway and peer down the perilous drops of the stairs. A voice in the back of your head urges you to go for it. The voice is telling you to try it. It tells you that if you so summoned the courage you could fly. However you quickly recalled the last time someone told you that you harbored the inner workings of a flier.<p>

This is stupid.

==» Think about your lovely girlfriend


	7. Think about your lovely girlfriend

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Think of your lovely girlfriend

* * *

><p>Ah, yes, you think. A much more amiable subject of cognition. You roll away from the treacherous staircase filling your head with pleasant thoughts of your enchanting feline enamored girlfriend, Nepeta Leijon. She has the most lovely little eyes and the sweetest paws to hold. Yes, indeed, you could see yourself nestled in her strong sinuous arms. You spend a moment rolling along as you think of her dear loyalty and how she would never ever under any circumstances leave you for another slightly more confident, buff, equistrian obsessed athlete. No, sir. She is a noble and delightful girlfriend who would never do such a thing.<p>

Oh, look, you've arrived at the music room.

==» Meanwhile in the locker room


	8. Meanwhile in the Locker Room

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

=» Meanwhile in the locker room

* * *

><p>Football practice has just ended and you decided it is far too uncool to shower with a tribe of sweaty, bulky men. You wait until everyone, even your best friend who tends to spend too long in the shower, is gone and take your turn. Of course you don't remove your glasses, because showering in Ben Stiller's aviators of Starsky and Hutch face is totally ironic.<p>

==» Enter name.


	9. Enter name

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Enter Name

* * *

><p>You sneer at some odd, sourceless voice claiming your name was insufferab- oh wait, you cut the voice of with your buster sword. Literally, you keep a cheap sword of some merit in your locker at all times. There was never a point in your incredibly hip life that you were caught without a shitty sword. Of course, being in the shower, the crappy single fold steel rusted almost instantly. (Damn cheap ass anime rip-off cosplay swords.)<p>

You carefully inspect the vicinity, making sure the locker room is empty, which you already know it is. Lathering up in your cool shades, you open your mouth and begin to sing.

You know, because singing in the shower is ironic when you're alone.

==» Back to the music room

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu; I don't even know, man. I don't even know. I had something for this note, but I lost it.**

**Ren; So typical you, Fu.**


	10. Back to the music room

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Back to the music room

* * *

><p>You are now John Egbert once again. A few of your fellow choirsmen have shown up and you are now standing around waiting for your fellow reject cronies to arrive so you could start laying down some strict rhythms. One Nepeta Leijon and one Tavros Nitram sat in the front row of the chairs on the leveled floor step stair things the music room had.<p>

"Where is everyone today?" you ask.

Nepeta purrs, "Purrhaps they were summoned for an extended period of smearing a la iced and artificially flavored beverages."

This makes Tavros nervous, which you could see by the slight shudder in his demeanor.

Indeed your small band was missing half of its ranks, currently down one fashionista and one adventurous diva.

==» Be the adventurous diva


	11. Be the adventurous diva

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Be the adventurous diva

* * *

><p>You are one adventurous diva. You had just gotten held up in the office when the staff reprimanded you <em>again<em> for the possession of an active firearm which you took no liberty of pulling out when a certain band of feral football toting gorillas approached you with icy confections which they indeed harbored no intention of drinking. I mean, was it _your _fault if your sweet Grandfather insisted on packing your nutritious lunch with a side of self defense?

Of course in the end, the staff defended the brutes and took your gun. And in the manner of the freakish, reverse karma that bestows all who are members of glee club, your atom shirt suffered a terrible blow in the war against slushy stains.

Another day, you think, another battle and you shall be mine.

==» Enter name.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu; Hey! Don't be afraid to holla. Reviews are pretty friggin skippy!**

**Ren; Also, like we said beforee there willl be some Glee plot discrepancies and stuff due to our adjustments to maintain as best MSPA character integrity as possible.**


	12. Enter her name

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Enter name.

* * *

><p>Farmstink?<p>

You could swear you heard a far-off yet completely clear voice say Farmstink is your name, which is funny because Farmstink is most certainly too silly to be the name of a young girl. No, your name is Jade Harley.

You look down at your hands which wore tens of colorful bands, each representing some interest or thing you had to do. You try to remember exactly what it was you were doing before the whole gorilla stand-off happened not long ago. You peer at each color. Puce? No. Burgundy? No that isn't relatable. Tickle-me-pink? No, that's just a frivolous name for a color in general. Seriously, who names these things!

Ah! There we are, at perhaps one of the least spellable colors you wear, chartreuse. Chartreuse harbored some relatively relevant significance... but what...

==» Don't you have somewhere to be?


	13. Don't you have somewhere to be?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Don't you have somewhere to be?

* * *

><p>Ah, of course! You suddenly remember the significance of the chartreuse reminder your finger brandishes so gaudily. You have glee club after school today! And with hues of garish chartreuse permeating your memory, you recall Glee Club as the reason why you had been cornered by brutes in the first place. Funny that you would forget such a thing so quickly. This is probably due to your frequent and completely unwarranted naps. Dreaming so often makes it hard to remember what is happening in reality and what you're dreaming. Though, thanks to your lovely grandfather's gift of Dreambot, you are still capable of completing school work with due competence.<p>

You scurry along hallway and dream of how your musical adventures will one day inspire all young singers to musically rejoice and induce harm unto those who may have a problem with said musical rejoicing. Indeed, hills will crumble at the resonance of your high Q sharp, which you mostly made up and sounds comparable to the shrill bleating of a wee goat. You swear by your blue pumpkin shirt that you will one day inspire the masses.

Wait, weren't you wearing an atom shirt just a minute ago?

==» Contemplate the meaning of this new and abrupt developement


	14. Contemplate this developement

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Contemplate the meaning of this new and abrupt developement

* * *

><p>You contemplate the meaning of this new development for a moment.<p>

You soon realize that contemplating the sudden variability of your shirt has ceased to get you anywhere before and despite the voices urging you to do so, you firmly believe any further ponderation will result in nothing more than a headache.

==» Who's that at the end of the hallway?


	15. Who's that at the end of the hallway?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Who's that at the end of the hallway?

* * *

><p>You see a very pale man donning a proper fedora and an impeccable businessman's suit. He resmebled someone you knew... But who?<p>

None of his features rung prominently aside from his distinct nose and the pipe sticking out of his almost nonexistent mouth. This man seemed all business and no nonsense. Judging by the perfectly pragmatic brief case he carried, you deducted that this man may have been the school's new Spanish teacher.

You consider greeting the man until you spot a flash of scarlet.

You're out of there!

==» Be the one with the pipe and the shameful head accessory


	16. Be the one with the pipe and hat

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Be the one with the pipe and the shameful head accessory

* * *

><p>You are now the pale man whose only distinct features are a large nose and exemplary taste in clothing. If it wasn't for your flatline range of emotions you would probably feel excited right now for entering the school at which you are going to begin teaching tomorrow. Face freshly shaved, you are ready to do no less than dazzle the school this coming year.<p>

As you walk down the hallway you see a young girl with glasses who closely resembles your beloved son. Ironically the only emotion you usually can perceive yourself to feel is love for your son, John Egbert. You even left your common, businessman job so you could see him more during the arduous day at the total institution of Skaia High.

The girl with the teeth and glasses dashes away as another kid starts rounding the corner of the hallway perpendicular to the one in which you entered. Looking further ahead, you notice that many of the long hallways run parallel and perpendicular, in a flawless graphish system.

==» Stop and admire the straightlacedness of it all

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**Fu says; Sorry for all this character introduction bullshit. I promise the ball will get rolling soon enough.**

**Ren says; Also, we apologize for any like... plot discrepancies 'n stuff that may or may not occur in the future. Also the characters in Gleestuck are gonna be presented ... differently than in the story of MSPA, that is to say, some characters who are very popular and crucial in MSPA you might not even see in this "season" of Gleestuck. So I hope you guys are patient and respect the integrity of it. ^^;**


	17. Admire the straightlacedness of it all

**Gleestuck **

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Stop and admire the straightlacedness of it all

* * *

><p>You relish in the beautiful orderliness of the mathematically mapped out school system. An incredibly cool kid wearing a bright red letterman's jacket, obviously some kind of sign of status inside the graphed out educational precinct. Said amazingly hip jacket-wearer lowly sung a rather phat rhymes in a surprisingly pleasant tone. The more you walked behind the kid who seemed completely oblivious to your presence due to his uncharacteristically enthusiasm towards singing, the more a surprisingly unorderly idea grew in your well dressed noggin.<p>

You immediately shun this fiesty thought and file it away for later consideration.

==» This is moving really slowly. Can we just go back to the music room?


	18. Can we go back to the music room?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion**

==» This is moving really slowly. Can we just go back to the music room?

* * *

><p>We have somehow gone back to the music room, where four out of five members of the yet untitled Skaia High School Glee Club are accounted for. That is one spectacled star, one feline-adoring roleplayer, one timid invalid, and one adventurous diva. According to the completely frivolous record of attendance which mostly collect's dust in a filing cabinet, that leaves one darling fashionista out of the equation. Realizing everyone is still not present brings to your attention that unfortunately this plot will continue to move at a snail's pace until each member of this society is represented, by themselves, in person.<p>

That is to say, we cannot progress until each mediocre member of our choral population is present and accounted for. That means there is no reason to be in the music room and why the hell did you want to come here in the first place?

Good going dipshit.

==» Oh, so now we're throwing around rude slurs, are we?


	19. Oh, so we're throwing around rude slurs?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Oh, so we're throwing around rude slurs, are we?

* * *

><p>Well, we were in the middle of some very civil, businesslike narration there until you went all Christian Bale on us and rapidly shifted the window's view to the clearly unprepared music room.<p>

You brought it upon yourself.

==» I am so not arguing with you right now you blubbering moron.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Uh, ahead of time... I'm sorry for this. XD Just too damn fun!  
><strong>


	20. I am so not arguing with you right now

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» I am so not arguing with you right now you blubbering moron.

* * *

><p>Whoa.<p>

Whoa.

_Whoa._

You just not use the blubbering word.

You know what. That's it. I'm doing it. I'm going to narrate it. I didn't want to have to do it, but I am.

==» Oh gog. You're not about to do what I think you are, are you?


	21. Oh gog You're not about to do that

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Oh gog. You're not about to do what I think you are, are you?

* * *

><p>You are now a frog. You are lazily floating atop a lily pad inside a pond on the Harleys' property. You saw a bird. It was pretty.<p>

You spot a juicy fly in the distance.

==» Stop that.


	22. Stop that

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Stop that.

* * *

><p>Your life is an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of our story. You are merely a pawn of world makers of the past. You eye the juicy fly. Your tongue extends as far as it can, but alas, it swiftly bounds away. Drat.<p>

==» Stop that right now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Remember when we apologized a few chapters before? Yeahhh.**


	23. Stop that right now

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Stop that right now.

* * *

><p>Have we learned our lesson impatient whale?<p>

Are we done rushing into things that are clearly not under our jurisdiction? If that's the case, then I would glady like to introduce our poor spectators to the last important character for the time being.

Are you okay with that? Are we okay with introducing the last member of the club?

==» You are an insufferable prick, you know that?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; So, uh, sorry about that. We don't know what got into us? **

**Ren says; Welllppp I enjoyed it. d:**


	24. You are an insufferable prick, you know?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» You are an insufferable prick, you know that?

* * *

><p>Aww, I love you too.<p>

Now, let's not keep these most likely disgruntled readers from the plot any longer. Come on now, I know you can do it.

Do the narration thing. You know, the one where you say "Be the bluh bluh bluh".

Oh, don't be like that. You're the one who wanted to progress the plot so badly.

==» *Sigh* Be the delightfully fabulous one


	25. Sigh Be the delightfully fabulous one

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» *Sigh* Be the delightfully fabulous one

* * *

><p>You are now the delightfully fabulous gleek. You've just avoided a skirmish with the dreaded red-jacketed athletes of your school, much to your gaiety. You're not sure what you would do if somebody got a single splotch on your hand-sewn red button-down skirt. Even the thought of such tarnishment of the garment brings images of severely slaughtering the ball toting imps with your handy dandy chainsaw. Of course, you always dismiss these mental images because who knows what kind of stains the blood and tears of the suffering titans could unleash upon your impeccable garb. Anyways, you're much to pleasant to deal out such common punishments.<p>

Clutching a recently checked out volume telling the story of a verboten love between a rainbow drinker and a regular troll, you stride through the hallways on the way to glee club. Your racially uncharacteristic love for sun and fashion catapults you into the pit of rejects whose only place is none other than Skaia High School's Glee Club. You're okay with that because your good friend Tavros Nitram is a member as well and you delight in being able to look after him. You can't imagine your despair if any harm were to befall him. Luckily between you and his slightly cat-shit insane girlfriend, you figure he's well guarded.

You are most curious as to why a glee club meeting was called, considering the fact that your old glee director, Mr. Boxcars, got fired after a terrible incident involving wax lips and a television antenna. An incident _nobody_ wants to delve into.

==» I think you have a meeting to get to, missy.


	26. I think you have a meeting to get to

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» I think you have a meeting to get to, missy.

* * *

><p>A voice in the back of your head reminds you of the frivolity of your idle assessments. You recall that there is an important, if not suspicious, glee club meeting that you were on your way to. You advance through the halls until a sudden glint of scarlet greatly alarms you.<p>

You nearly jump out of your skirt, but manage to keep your person wholesome. You look down at the smaller than expected jacketed person. Well, less a person than a prop. Staring up at you with immensely disturbing blue eyes a small puppet sat at on the ground near a miscellaneous locker. You look around wondering to whom it could possibly belong and how you hadn't noticed the eerie puppet before.

With no sign of life within the immediate area, you decide to take it with you as opposed to leaving it on the cold, dirty ground. It wasn't rare for you to play good alternian, even towards the most insignificant of causes. You brush a titch of dust off of the doll as it bore a hole into your head with its unfaltering, soulless eyes. You decide to hold it like an infant, so that its head would be over your shoulder facing behind you and the feeling of its eldritch eyes digging into your very being was at least slightly lessened.

You suppose you can't leave the poor thing without any care on the ground and resolve to take it to glee club and worry about finding its owner later.

==» Enter name of the darling fashionista.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Once again, sorry for the slowness of this. Also, if anything is unclear (like MAJORLY unclear, not just typical MSPA unclear) please notify us via review _nicely_. I don't want any bawwwing because your precious trolls aren't perfectly on par.**

**Ren says; Uh, alsoo on that note, uh... Forgot what I was gonna say. Uh, review, I guess. Also, I wouldn't suggest "Alert"ing this because quite frankly you'll have like seventeen new emails at once. Just keep an eye on her.**


	27. Enter name of darling fashionista

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck Fusion**

==» Enter name of darling fashionista

* * *

><p>Your name is Kanaya Maryam. You are a sophomore attending Skaia High School and you just picked up a lost and lonely puppet. You were just on your way to a meeting of glee club, which is vaguely suspicious due to the current situation the club is in. As a matter of fact you are not sure if your fellow rejects were completely aware of the situation. Despite the perplexing politics and setbacks of glee club you continue until you arrive at shabby music room.<p>

And so one darling fashionista is accounted for, completing the current roster attendence of Skaia High School's Glee Club.

==» John Egbert: Call the meeting into order


	28. John: Call the meeting to order

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» John Egbert: Call the meeting to order

* * *

><p>As self-proclaimed talented high reigning monarch of glee club, you call the miniscule meeting to order. All four other members ignored you. It was at times like this you wish you had a gavel. You had asked for one in the past but due to incredibly grim incidents involving a cast iron horse hitcher and a cigarette holder all weapon-like objects are banned from the music room. You find this ironic because you can immediately think of at least seven ways you could physically harm someone with the brass monstrosities they call instruments off the top of your head. You bet some other glee leader at some other school probably had a gavel of their own and used it most effectively. However <em>that <em> glee club isn't warranted to enter the plot for probably another hundred chapters or so, considering the pace at which this meeting has gone.

The jovial ring of a certain tech-savvy diva was the first inquiry valid to the subject at hand.

"Sooooooooooo. What are we doing here? Where's Mr. Boxcars." she asks, swaying just a bit to a happy rhythm nobody but her is capable of hearing.

You feel yourself choke up a bit.

Nepeta yawns, "She has purrsented an interesting point."

Tavros looks around for a moment, paranoid because he suspects that somebody expects him to say something. "Uhhh, yyeah. What's g-going on?" the troll in the wheeled device sputters.

You bite your lip to prevent yourself from making a sound.

"John, are you okay. Your state of homeostasis seems a tittle disturbed." Kanaya articulates as she rocks a puppet as a doting mother would a sleepy infant. Man, that troll's intensity and insistence on caring roused your weird senses at times.

Once each member of glee club is bewildered as to what the blubbering goddamn hell you're doing there you explode.

"The meeting ruse was a distraction..." you start, "I fooled you! There's no glee director!" and with that you explode into a fit of not at all manly giggles regarding your brilliant pranking skills!

The Colonel would have no doubt given you a salute, and perhaps even a pie to the face.

==» John, that's not funny.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; Aaaand there goes the plot! d:**


	29. John, that's not funny

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» John, that's not funny

* * *

><p>Despite the unamused faces of your peers, you appear to have lost your sanity temporarily to the clutches of your elite skills of prankitude. You swear you're not the only one laughing. Really. After all, though your laugh is a bit high pitched, you're not one to go "HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO." Indeed, you were always more of a "Teehee!" kind of guy, which makes you sound no less odd for a teenage boy.<p>

You literally feel like there is a large, single fold crappy steel buster sword stabbing into your side, you're laughing so hard. Kanaya looks on with slight concern, now patting the abomination of a doll on the back as if it was some freak mutant child. Nepeta mutters to Tavros as the poor handicapped troll shakes, completely embarrassed at having succumb to the ruse. Jade's face is covered by her palm.

==» I think they can hear you down the hall, John


	30. I think they can hear you down the hall

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» I think they can hear you down the hall, John

* * *

><p>Despite all urges to halt the hysterical laughter of one dorky singer, no cat fanatic or adventurous diva could do a thing to stop the entirely to jubilant boy from his fit of insanity.<p>

Kanaya huddles the puppet closer, as if the very site of your slowly descending sanity was not something she wanted her new freaky doll baby to witness or hear.

==» Cool Guy: Do you hear something?


	31. Cool Guy: Do you hear something?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Cool Guy: Do you hear something?

* * *

><p>You are now the Cool Guy whose name we never bothered to learn. We could introduce you now, but quite frankly that bespectacled fairy's whiny guffawing is making it a bit hard to focus on pressing issues as to what your name is or why the hell you're wandering the halls after practice has been over for a considerable unit of time.<p>

Despite the general consensus of the cacophony the boy's laughter, you find yourself wholly unbothered by it. Whether its because you're way to damn cool to give a shit about some random pixie's little giggle fits or if its because you find it somehow pleasant, in, you know, an ironic way, your face won't reveal it behind those dark shades of yours. Aside from the tittering of a little pansy, you also hear a familiar "HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO."

Oh no, you think, what the hell is _he _doing here?

Man, Bro has an amazing tendency of finding new and elaborate ways to torture you. You suppose you really ought not be surprised that he would do something so dastardly, but dude!

Planting Lil Cal in a room full of creepily laughing singin' dorks? Was he _trying _to deplete you of all coolness?

==» Uh, did we ever learn your name?


	32. Uh, did we ever learn your name?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Uh, did we ever learn your name?

* * *

><p>Names?<p>

At a time like this?

There is no time for names! There is a slightly menacing puppet that needs saving from a classroom of chirping dweebs. And you know very well if you don't return home with Lil Cal, Bro's prized puppet bud, there's no telling what kind of egregious fate could befall you.

You cringe at the terrible things that would happen. You saunter to the source of the din, the open door of the music room, as quickly as you possibly can while still looking thoroughly aloof.

You grace the doorway of the dismal music room with your presences as you wait for the ruckus to die down just a bit. If the sad little losers of glee club were still focusing on one person's hysterical fit, that would sap all irony from your doubtlessly shocking coolguy entrance.

==» Uh, so, does that mean we're not going to learn your name?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Hey! Since me and Rennie here are writing these up pretty quickly, despite our efforts of checking it out, we might kind of have shitty continuity 'cause we're just awesome like that. So, if you spot any like, continuity errors please point them out!**

**Ren says; And lv nce rvoiws ppl!1 Haha, just kiddin', I'm no Taraa. But reviews would be loved. ^,^**


	33. So, we're not going to learn your name?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» Uh, so, does tha tmean we're not going to learn your name?

* * *

><p>You observe the slowly dying outburst as the nerdy dweeb with glasses slowly stood up straight again. Beginning to regain his composure, the pile of pansy giggles slowly turns toward you.<p>

Looks like you've been detected solid snake. And like some slow motion montage out of the finale of some shitty Nic Cage B-movie, the dorky kid slowly looked up at you, mouth agape.

Wow, sometimes you just underestimate your powers of coolness.

"What are you doing here?" he asks. And for just a second, though you don't reveal it, you completely fucking forget what the dicks you were doing there. Seriously? What is it you were up to again?

==» I believe you entered the music room with the goal of bleating like a goat and pissing on the piano.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Once again if you see any continuity issues feel free to inform us nicely. Also... I don't even know. I would apologize for the slow progression of this, but in my defense, have you friggin' READ Homestuck? Shit's over 6,000 pages.**


	34. I believe you went into the music room

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

==» I believe you entered the music room with the goal of bleating like a goat and pissing on the piano.

* * *

><p><em>No.<em>

You peer towards the piano and despite it's obvious inferiority to the turntable, it still did nothing to warrant such abuse. You would never consider letting your urine so much as go within the same vicinity of any musical implement, no matter how obviously lame.

As for the bleating, you postpone that for a later date. It could provide for incredibly ironic humor in an opportune moment.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; OH SHIT. WE TOTALLLY FORGOT A DISCLAIMER. Uhh, shit, well XD I think ya'll are very well aware that we are NOT THE BEAUTIFUL ANDREW HUSSIE AND DO NOT OWN MSPA OR HOMESTUCK. So... guess we'll have that up top from now on w ;**

**Ren says; Good going dipshit XD**


	35. Continue

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Glee or Homestuck or any of its characters, etcetera.**_

==»

* * *

><p>Your brain spaced out for a moment, then you remembered what in Derse you were doing in the music room. You need to collect Lil Cal. You turn to the troll cradling him. She seemed just as wide eyed with shock as the other little dorklets in the room. You could see the wheelchair troll whom nobody bothered to call anything other than that name tremble a bit as the freaky cat girl cradled him in her arms. The girl with the long black hair and glasses who closely resembled the head dweeb honcho looked at you with nothing less than incredible suspicion and perplexity.<p>

You realized that you didn't factor in the possibility that your unbelievable coolness would overwhelm the poor little nerds.

"Yo. That li'l dude with the matching jacket, he's kinda precious cargo. Gotta bring that sucker home." you tell them.

In slow revelation, the girl troll cuddling Lil Cal holds the freakish little dude away from her like his head caught on fire. She looks at you and back at the puppet, back to you and advances slowly toward you as if getting to close will result in catching a terrible virus.

Yeah, maybe the _cool _virus.

==» Okay that was a bit conceited.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; DUDE. So uh, sorry for totally going off into some random fucking direction that is not related to Homestuck _or _Glee. Don't worry. We'll get back to, like, a normal friggin' plot. Don't know how this little arc started. o.O Hope you guys don't mind. = o =;**


	36. Okay, that was a bit conceited

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Glee, Homestuck, or any of its characters, etcetera.**_

==» Okay, that was a bit conceited

* * *

><p>You take Lil Cal in your arms, holding the little guy just as far away from you as the troll girl did.<p>

Awkward glances are exchanged.

Exit one too-aloof-to-be-flustered-right-now cool dude.

==» Be the head dweeb honcho again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; So yeah, sorry again for that random pointless crap. o.O**


	37. Be the head dweeb honcho again

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck Fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Glee, Homestuck, or any of its characters, etcetera.**_

==» Be the head dweeb honcho again.

* * *

><p>You are now once again the head dweeb honcho.<p>

You feel thoroughly ruffled regarding recent events of one cool guy entering one music room during your muttonheaded laughing fit. You are also incredibly perplexed that he did not unleash an icy, cherry-flavored wrath upon your ranks. You have no idea what in the name of Nicholas Cage the jock needed to take a puppet home for, and you are not sure if you want any idea.

The only thing you can grasp as a collective consensus of ideologies is that you are all indeed shocked that he even came into your midst.

Tavros stuttered, "W-was that.."

"I believe he is the star quarterback of our school's North American Earth Football team." Kanaya noted.

"Hmm... I think he's also supposed to be the coolest and most ironic guy in the school." Jade added.

"I'm just relieved he didn't slushy us." Nepeta yawned, stretching herself out much in the manner of her beloved felines.

"Yeah," You mutter, "Dave Strider..."

==» Guess that takes care of the whole name issue, then.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; OKAY not sure if ya'll read these and if you are then you're probably sick of apologies, but one more! Uhh, well, for obvious reasons, type quirks aren't really acceptable on ffn, so yeah. I think that's obvious at this point, but just putting that out there. So sorry if I don't capture their personalities as explicitly as I could with a type quirk.**


	38. Guess that takes care of the name issue

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Homestuck, Glee, or any of its characters, etcetera.**_

==» Guess that takes care of the whole name issue, then.

* * *

><p>After a few moments of further head scratching, the adventurous diva decided to be the first to leave, squeezing you into a hug and saying "Good meeting, John." as she walked out, waving. She would most likely return home to take a nap and shoot things or grow things or worry about the nuclear condition of the world. She was that kind of girl.<p>

Nepeta rolls Tavros out, the boy troll stuttering, "Ad-dios" as they exited.

Kanaya is the last to leave, giving you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, like she knew exactly what you were thinking. You mentally curse her perpetually caring and sympathetic demeanor and bless it at the same time. The last troll remaining waves good bye and walks out the door.

You are left alone.

==» What would you like to do?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; XD So this is one of those awesome impulse things. Sorry for dragging this bit out so much as to distract from the glee plot, but eh, it's our fanfiction we can do what we wannt! X3**


	39. What would you like to do?

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspect of Glee or MSPA/Homestuck.**_

==» What would you like to do?

* * *

><p>You consider your options of activity in the empty music room that leads to the empty hallway of the pretty much empty school.<p>

==» Sing a bouncy song that vaguely applies to your current situation.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; So, yeah. We'll try to alter lyrics here and there so they can apply to the quirkiness of MSPA, but we will probably also have a lot of songs that are just kind of random in our more... fabricated arcs. Don't worry we'll totally include the Glee classics, too! Don't forget, we probably aren't going to have the whole song in our fic too because, well, ehh, do you want to see the lyrics to a whole song? I think it'd be like a giant wall of text.**

**Ren says; I LOVE THIS SONG. Well, the one coming up anyhoo. :3 ...Is it even legal for a "chapter" to be this short? , ...I really hope so! o.o;  
><strong>


	40. Sing a vaguely applicable song

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspects of Glee or MSPA/Homestuck.**_

==» Sing a song that vaguely applies to your current situation

* * *

><p>A sudden urge to sing a vaguely situationally applicable song overwhelms you. You suddenly hear a bit of whistling in your head as you step out into the hall.<p>

_Wait 'til I'm unique_

_I'm a light leader in the making_

You walk through the empty halls, pleased with the manner in which the sound of your lovely countertenor carries through the empty school halls. You imagine you would get near culled if you did this during school hours in the presence of the dreaded athletic clubs of Skaia High School. You continue.

_My wisdom will strip you down_

_Can't believe the risk I'm taking_

_There's still so much to learn_

_And things you haven't heard_

_I want you to see beneath everything_

_You're no different than me_

_No matter what songs we sing_

At this point, you find yourself doing a rather typical dance of the white nerd race. That is to say you attempt dancing by doing some awkwardly rigid shuffling and bobbing your head around. You look like a complete moron, but you still sound like the burning hot star you know you are.

_Sorry if I don't see you_

_Mind me if my eyes cross you_

_Keep in mind I'm not here_

_I'm in a different zone._

You are officially jamming out in this empty hallway. At this point in time you could not give less of a shit if some janitor saw you and thought you were schizophrenic. Even if said janitor was a poor, legless, hungry one you would still be adamant about keeping your shit all to yourself because it is your shit and you refuse to give it under any circumstances, not after how hard you worked to earn said shit.

_Sorry if my words hurt you_

_Wish I knew the time to lie to you_

_Keep in mind I'm not here_

_I'm from a different world_

You proceed to look up at the ceiling and spin around in a circle like that Julie Andrews from The Sound of Music. There's no stopping you now.

_Ahhhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhh_

_Sorry if I don't see you_

_Mind me in my eyes cross you_

_Keep in mind I'm not here_

_I'm in a different zone_

_Sorry if my words hurt you_

_Wish I knew the time to lie to you_

_Keep in mind I'm not here_

_I'm in a different world_

_Keep in mind I'm not here I'm from a different world_

You hold out that last note just a count or two longer than necessary. You feel immediately rejuvenated, like you just had a Nic Cage movie marathon, but even better due to lack of jitters that are usually accredited to excessive caffeine.

==» I think it's time to go home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; So... yeah. This is one of those random instances we'll slightly barely abridge and tweak a song that has not been performed on Glee and has little to do with MPSA. Forgive us.**

**Ren says; Oh shut up, this is our fic we can do what the fuck we want. ;P HOLY MONKEYS. 40 Chappies alreaddyy x3 I used to be like "HOW THE DICKS DOES HUSSIE DO EET!" But it's actually surprisingly easy-going to make little snippets. It adds up real fastt. 3  
><strong>


	41. I think it's time to go home

**Gleestuck**

**A Glee/Homestuck fusion!**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspects of Glee or Homestuck. Also, forget to mention last chapter, the song lyrics used were from the song "Different" buy Ximena Sariñana, which we coincidentally also don't own.  
><strong>_

==» I think it's time to go home.

* * *

><p>After an elating and slightly edgy afternoon, You, John Egbert, the crown jewel of Skaia High's yet unnamed and undirected glee club decided you were ready to go home. You go off towards the office, deducing that your father would be done with his pre-new-teaching-job interactions. You are so excited for the future of your sophomore year. So much glory! So much pride! Such great adventure!<p>

Oh how little you know, you silly little truffle.

_End Gleestuck Episode 0.5_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Well, there ya go. Hope you all liked it. As you can tell there is still sooo much to be determined and so many characters you have yet to see. Just remember kids, the plots gonna be **_**kinda**_** different due to adjustments made for certain troll situations and whatnot. So please do not be disappoint.**

**Ren says; Yayyy! So uh I guess we're about to get into the real glee shtuff! :3 Hoorahhh! 3 **


	42. Gleestuck Episode 01: Recap

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 01**

**Season 01**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspects of Glee or Homestuck. **_

* * *

><p><em>So here's what you might have missed on Gleestuck;<em>

_We took an absurdly long time introducing the core characters of Gleestuck. We started off with John Egbert, who thinks he's the biggest and must undeniable star in all of Skaia. Then we met some freaky cat girl and her wheelchair ridden boyfriend who are also rejects. Then we cut to find the adventurous diva Jade Harley who is a surprisingly skilled markswoman. We find out Mr. Egbert, AKA Dad, is a pale guy with no distinct features and a big nose who is going to be Skaia High School's new Spanish teacher. Kanaya Maryam is a darling fashionista and Dave Strider is a really cool guy who can sing and has a freaky puppet buddy and when Dave comes in the middle of John's wacko laughing freak-out he pretty much scares the shit out of everybody._

_And that's what you missed on Gleestuck._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; So, yeah, I don't know if you've seen Glee (though I am assuming you have) but if you haven't they tend to do really run on sentence filled, quick recaps at the beginning of each episode. So, yeah. :3**


	43. Gleestuck Episode 01: Begin

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 01**

**Season 01**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspects of Glee or Homestuck/MSPA.**_

Gleestuck Episode 01

* * *

><p>You are Dad, AKA Mr. Egbert, AKA Skaia High School's new Spanish teacher. You park and let your son, John Egbert, get out first because he is thoroughly convinced you are bent on causing him utter humiliation, just like any other teenager would think of their father. You stroll along with your orderly briefcase and gentleman's pipe. You're not sure if wearing a pipe is practically legal, but you dismiss this notion because nothing in the place makes any fucking sense and why would it start now with something as practical as a tobacco ban inside the parameters of a public high school?<p>

You walk into the hallway and spot an interesting glint.

==» Dad: Investigate the glint.


	44. Dad: Investigate the glint

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 01**

**Season 01**

_**Dr. Yuki owns no aspects of MSPA/Homestuck or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Investigate the glint.

* * *

><p>You decide to further investigate what 22could possibly have shimmered and caught your eye. You find the trail of light leading to a trophy case. Oversized awards for strenghful triumphs like "INTERDIMENSIONAL BASEBALL CHAMPIONS - 1984" and "SKAIA PROSPIT CONFERENCE CHAMPS - SGRUB". However these notes of sweaty achievement were not what caught your eye. No, you find yourself drawn to a small plaque. It is obscured by large gilded musclebeasts on top of gaudily bedazzled towers that sit on marble bases with incredibly distinguished achievements carved into them. Indeed, the object in question was a rather modest display, a wooden plaque with a gilded plate that plainly stated:<p>

"Skaia High School Glee Club

1st in Nationals

..."

The year was either too obscured by the bronze testicle of a musclebeast on top of a trophy (you're not sure who decided it was a good idea to put those things on top of trophies) or there was a terrible smudge. However, looking at this small glimpse of the past, an idea begins to brew in your well dressed head.

==» Dad: Wring your hands together and chortle evilly like a villain about to hatch an sinister plan.


	45. Dad:Wring your hands and chortle evilly

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 01**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspects of Glee or MSPA/Homestuck.**_

* * *

><p><span>==» Dad: Wring your hands together and chortle evilly like a villain about to hatch an sinister plan.<span>

You will do no such thing. Wringing your hands and chortling is neither dignified nor business like.

==» Dad: Go to your classroom.


	46. Dad: Go to your classroom

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any aspects of Glee or Homestuck.**_

==» Dad: Go to your classroom

* * *

><p>That's much better.<p>

You decide to stroll through the hallways and seat yourself in the front of your classroom in preparation for the no doubt busy day. You had at least two classes of bumbling freshmen scheduled, then you had one class of obnoxious sophomores, followed by a class of bore-stricken seniors and then juniors who thought they knew it all.

Upon reaching your classroom you check to see that everything is in optimized organization. No tome or volume is stored without a random alpha-numeric number and not a single paperclip is out of place. The markers that sit on the rack below the whiteboard are all arranged in spectral order. You decide to postpone plotting, penciling propositions for the principle in for your lunch hour and sit down in your shabby wheeled chair device.

You are indubitably ready.

==» Kanaya: Approach the dumpster


	47. Kanaya: Approach the dumpster

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Glee or Homestuck**_

==» Kanaya: Approach the dumpster

* * *

><p>You are now the darling and fabulous Kanaya Maryam. You just stepped out of your vehicle and began slowly advancing through the parking lot. A funky chaos enveloped Skaia high school before the school day. You hear honks and bleats and shouts and yells, but to you they sound like the slow motion ending of a bad movie (it involved explosions and a sweaty human) a classmate once made you watch. You clutched the strap of a hand-knit messenger bag you made once. It looked like a sweater, except it was not a sweater, it was a messenger bag.<p>

You bite your impeccably jade glossed lips with one of your oddly protruding canine teeth. They are eyeing you like dogs, waiting by the dumpster like executioners excited to hang the next prisoner by burning cuffs. You approach the trash receptacle by which the jock gorillas stationed themselves every morning. At first it greatly bothered you, but after a while you realized wrestling around with the sweaty, large gorillas (without the help of your chainsaw) seldom ended in a favorable result. And so you decided to make the process less painful, dejectedly walking up towards the trash heap to start your daily routine.

You are Kanaya Maryam, and this is how you start your mornings.

==» Kanaya: Take off your fabulous jacket, first!


	48. Kanaya: Take off your fabulous jacket!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any part of Glee or Homestuck**_

==» Kanaya: Take off your fabulous jacket, first!

* * *

><p>But, wait! You just remembered this was your first day donning your new sleek jacket. You slaved hours over it and you weren't sure what you would do if you got a scrap of trash on it. You walk up and look at the huge prick in charge of the dumpster dirtying operation. He always wore a gaudy lime green and white football jersey which donned a number you never bothered to remember. All of the other gorillas donned pretty much exactly the same thing but with minute numerical variations. Despite the fact that the leader of the felty green garbed villians insisted upon <em>never taking off his damn jersey<em>, you gave him points for adding a touch of individuality with the highly unnecessary and impractical blue striped scarf he wore.

You walk up to him. He grabs your arm. You hold your hand up and ask, "Wait. This is brand new teakgrub silk, hand woven. Let me just..." You peel your jacket off and hand it to some other green gorilla muttering "Hold this."

The gilled moron's eyebrows knit together. You don't care.

You hold your arms out in surrender and feel yourself rising off of the ground. The jugheads do the swingy thing and you land in the receptacle with a soft crunch of the large bags containing things you would rather not think about.

You sigh. You hope your Glee pals are having a slightly less revolting morning.

==» Tavros: Have a slightly less revolting morning.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Bwahaha! Did someone say character insinuation?**

**Ren says; I believe wwe did. :3**


	49. Tavros: Have a less revolting morning

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or Homestuck**_

==» Tavros: Have a slightly less revolting morning

* * *

><p>You are now Tavros Nitram and you have failed epicly in your attempt to have a relatively "slightly less revolting morning". A few garishly garbed green blubbering idiots already managed to cover you in no less than three different varieties of icy confection. You looked like a rainbow drinker who had gone bonkers and gone drinking blood of all colors, only to smear it all on yourself.<p>

You wish you had your tough yet bubbly girlfriend around, but she was probably prowling about chasing a mouse or something. You think to yourself.

"You need to go kick 'em in the teeth!" says Rufio.

"I can't kick anything." You point out.

"They can't push you around like that! You gotta show them who's boss, pupa!" he says.

"Uh, I really can't. That seems like, um, a really bad idea." You tell him.

_Clang!_

Your eyes widen. You flip your shit for about four seconds trying to comprehend what just happened. In your fit of fervid argument with Rufio you became so distracted that you didn't notice the fact that you were rolling right into a wall.

==» Tavros: Look at the wall


	50. Tavros: Look at the wall

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any part of Glee or Homestuck**_

==» Tavros: Look a the wall

* * *

><p>You look at the wall and notice a tiny speck of green on a piece of paper. It appeared to be a list of some sort. You could make out some blank lines and black and white ink. Beyond that, due to your proximity to the wall and your height impairment, you can't read or see anything else.<p>

==» Tavros: Back up a bit?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; Woooot! 50 chapters already. XD Of course, the chapters are, like, a hundred woooorrrdsss. x3**


	51. Tavros: Back up a bit?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any part of Glee or Homestuck**_

==» Tavros: Back up a bit?

* * *

><p>You peer behind you to see if you could manage to back up a bit and actually read what in gog's name is on that wall. The traffic of people walking about greatly intimidates you (just like everything else does, actually). What if you were to bump into someone? Surely they would cull you on the spot. Or what if they challenged you to fisticuffs? You begin to tremble a bit at images of horror scenarios of people challenging you to fisticuffs, an endless choir of "what if's" popping into your head.<p>

* * *

><p>==» ?: Pounce!<p> 


	52. : Pounce!

**Gleestuck **

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own any part of Glee or Homestuck**_

==» ?: Pounce!

* * *

><p>You eye your pray, a trembling gazelle. The gazelle is a formidable opponent, for what they lack in predatory prowess is made up in the grace and speed comparable to a fairy. However this one's been hurt. Indeed, this gazelle had been left behind by the herd due to his handicap. And now he was alone on the savannah, just begging to be put out of his misery. The poor thing trembled, scared, alone. You narrow your eyes, peering at it through the long blades of dry, brown grass.<p>

You advance slowly, shuffling through the long savannah brush. You considered making a running start, however taking into consideration the small animal's condition that would be highly unnecessary. All is quiet. A low growl erupts out of your fiery, strong throat as you pounce!

Having your prey in you clutch at last you begin to chow down on your delectable feast, satisfied with the small whines coming out of the hurt creature's slight frame.

==» Tavros: Oh gog she's doing it again.


	53. Oh gog she's doing it

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or MSPA: Homestuck**_

==» Tavros: Oh gog she's doing it again

* * *

><p>You are Tavros Nitram and your lovely girlfriend appears to have gotten carried away with roleplaying again. You're sure this will leave yet another considerable gash in your jugular which you will experience no less than extreme awkward agony whilst explaining the source to your custodian, Tinkerbull. You flail your arms around which accomplishes nothing but making you look kind of stupid.<p>

* * *

><p>==» Tavros: Tell her to stop this nonsense immediately<p> 


	54. Tavros: Tell her to stop

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Tavros: Tell her to stop this nonsense immediately

* * *

><p>You raise your voice just slightly, "Uh, N-nepeta. I, uh, don't think that's entirel-ly appropriate, uh, etiquette?" you squeak out. She has moved from your jugular to nomming on your arm a bit, which is entirely uncomfortable for most parties involved. You shuffle a bit.<p>

==» Tavros: I said tell her to stop this nonsense.


	55. Tavros: I said tell her to stop this

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Tavros: I said tell her to stop this nonsense

* * *

><p>You scratch your head, wondering how you could nicely ask her to please stop devouring your appendages. "Uh, Nepeta, I, uh, think you sh-should, um..." You can't finish the sentence.<p>

==» I SAID TELL HER TO STOP YOU PATHETIC WRIGGLING GRUB

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Well, according to our research (aka: the stats) we have... about... at least FOUR readers who follow this. SO to you special four, you rock!**


	56. I SAID TELL HER TO STOP

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or MSPA: Homestuck.**_

==» I SAID TELL HER TO STOP YOU PATHETIC WRIGGLING GRUB

* * *

><p>You suddenly feel as if somebody is yelling at you to ask Nepeta to cease all roleplayed ingestion of your limbs. This makes you uncomfortable. You don't like being yelled at. You begin to shudder a bit.<p>

You find yourself paralyzed between your feline frantic girlfriend's avid roleplaying and the voice in your head (surely it was Rufio) shouting increasingly insulting demands in your head.

==» Really, Tavros? Really?


	57. Really, Tavros? Really

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own any part of Glee or MSPA: Homestuck!**_

==» Really, Tavros? Really?

* * *

><p>You begin wringing your hands like they were suddenly in need of a good thorough sanitizing despite the lack of antiseptic gel. Your girlfriend ceases devouring your rhetorical carcass and gives you one last affectionate lick before resigning to purr into your neck. You feel to entirely flustered to fully appreciate the gesture.<p>

==» Nepeta: What's that on the wall?


	58. Nepeta: What's on the wall?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or Homestuck.**_

==»Nepeta: What's that on the wall?

* * *

><p>After imbibing a delicious feast of gazelle you decided your morningly mauling ought to come to an end so you could devote at least thirty percent of your mind to academics. Your line of thought is interrupted by an obnoxious flash of green on the bulletin board in front of your beau Tavros Nitram.<p>

"Oh! Oh! Tavvy! What's that?" you ask, resting your chin on the top of his head.

He seems to have calmed down a bit from his shaky state during your regular morning culling. Seriously, that troll needs to lighten up.

"Uh, I, can't, uh, really see it. I-it's kind of out of my my vision, sort of." he stumbles to find his words. You slowly step backwards so your blubbering beau can more clearly see the point of interest on the bulletin board.

==» Nepeta: Observe the point of interest


	59. Nepeta: Observe the point of interest

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or Homestuck.**_

==» Nepeta: Observe the point of interest

* * *

><p>What draws the eye most to the board is a splotch of green. Of course, from Tavros's point of view he could not have clearly seen the splotch, but whence you two backed up, you see that this is not just somebody's morning allergies gone awry, but a sticker. Not just any sticker, of course. You see the undeniable little smiling slime sticker, the trademark of a certain member of glee club.<p>

The paper reads:

"GLEE CLUB SIGN UP SHEET

please sign your name below if you would be interested in participating in glee club"

Under the bold sans serif font are lines for signatures. Of course the first line was occupied by the name of one John Egbert whose handwriting is a bit more curly than a boy's handwriting ought to be (not that you're judging). Then underneath are the same names that always appear on the list, Insufferable Prick, Flighty Broad, Zoosmell Pooplord and so on. You'd think somebody would get creative, but alas it seems nigh impossible that the opponents of Skaia High glee club would dedicate even an picogram of energy to creativity.

You see Tavros reach into a random compartment of his wheely device and take out a writing utensil. He reaches up, attempting to sign the paper even though it seems like a somewhat tragic effort.

After a moment of watching him reach in vain you grab his writing doohickey and write down both of your names, rolling him away to his first class before he could stutter another syllable.

==» ?: Enter work


	60. Enter work

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or Homestuck.**_

==» ?: Enter work

* * *

><p>You pull into your parking space, balancing a smart yet reasonably professionally sized handbag with a martini as you exit your car. It would be so much easier if you could bring your daughter to school with you, but no matter what kind of connections you attempt to establish, she profusely refuses. Because of this you two need to wake up a full hour earlier so you can drive her to her fancy private school. Talk about a hangover.<p>

You walk towards school wearing your usual outfit. An impeccable button down dress with sensible heels and a belt to cinch it all at the waist. (Saying "usual" would be an understatement, "only" would perhaps be a more appropriate description of your frequency of appearing in this garb.)

You step between the sea of lime green jerseys and scarlet letter jackets (you wonder whose idea it was to assign the school such a garish color palette). Your martini somehow disappeared from your car to the double doors of the school. That's okay, you never have less than three bottles of alcoholic beverages hidden in your desk. Not to mention how nice it was of that dopey football coach Clubs Deuces to install the little wine fridge behind your desk as well.

Your thoughts gravitate back to your daughter. You truly wish you could stroll into school along side your beautiful daughter, but she seems to despise her and you can't pinpoint why. Just the thought of it makes you want to take another shot.

==» Enter name.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; Remember when we said we were done with the character intro bs? ... WE LIEEDDD. XD**


	61. Lady, enter name

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Enter name.

* * *

><p>Your daughter and her peers refer to you often as Mom, however, professionally, you prefer Ms. Lalonde. You are Skaia High School's guidance counselor. Your job is to console students and talk to them about their problems. Through your years of counseling you've heard horrific stories of abusive parents and swear not to be the kind of parent whose tactics warrant your child visiting a guidance counselor much like yourself. You're not sure how well you have achieved your goal.<p>

You saunter through the halls towards your office.

==» Ms. Lalonde: Who's that dignified looking man organizing his paperclips?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; According to our stats there are at least (but not limited to) three dedicated readers of this. So even if it is a small number like three, we're happy we're making at least three people happy! w You people rock!**


	62. Who's that dignified man?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or MSPA: Homestuck.**_

==» Ms Lalonde: Who's that dignified looking man organizing his paperclips?

* * *

><p>You can't help but find yourself gazing through an open classroom door. You see a man sitting at a desk organizing those pesky metal things people use to hold papers together. He is new at Skaia High School. The man with the dignified nose looks up, noticing you.<p>

You look at him.

He looks at you.

You return your sight forward, continuing your procession to the small office you call your own.

==» Dad: Write up your proposal


	63. Dad: Write up your proposal

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Dad: Write up your proposal

* * *

><p>You sit in your desk. A most enchanting specimen of womanhood just passed by the open door of your quaint Spanish classroom. You look down to the blank paper on your desk. You were about to write up a proposal regarding the resurgence of the recently abolished glee club in relation to the state of authoritarian advisory. However you were roused from your fervent writing of a thesis by the alluring nymph who graced your doorway for a fleeting moment.<p>

==» Dad: Inspect your quaint classroom.


	64. Dad: Inspect your quaint classroom

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**__

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or MSPA**_

__==» Dad: Inspect your quaint classroom.

* * *

><p>You inspect your work area with pride. You festooned the walls with nonsensical and entirely unmotivational posters with random Spanish phrases scrawled about them (like "El rana tiene cáncer." and "Si se puede!") in large, obnoxiously colored fonts. The desks were arranged six columns of five, facing the board and your desk. You open a drawer which contains a pristine pile of notebooks, on top of which lay three cans of Barbasol, any proper man's best companion, and a few boxes of Betty Crocker yellow cake mix, just in case any special occasion may pop up which requires such a fine delicacy. You open the drawer beneath it. This one contains pipes, razor blades and a few extra hats and shined black your desk sat a minimally framed picture of your beautiful and beloved son, as well as your briefcase and a sensible laptop computer.<p>

==» Dad: Didn't you have something to write?


	65. Dad: Didn't you have something to write?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Glee or Homestuck/MSPA**_

==» Dad: Didn't you have something to write?

* * *

><p>Ah! Of course! How unprofessional of you to forget your task at hand. You look at the blank document in the center of your desk. You write to the principal:<p>

_Dear Principle,_

_I have been informed of the vacancy in the glee club advisor position and would like to express interest in occupying said position. I am aware that it is neither immensely crowd-pleasing nor money-raising, however I would implore that you consider me to seize the authoritative position for Skaia High School's glee club. From the information I have gathered through historical research of the school, I have learned that one day, long ago, the glee club of this school was a brand of pride. I wish to restore the former glory of this activity. _

_Thank you for your time;_

_Mr. Egbert_

==»

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Hope ya'll enjoy. So...Ren says; So... Who should the principal be? ;)**


	66. Keep going

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or Homestuck, however if you wish to give them to us we will not oppose ;)**_

==»

* * *

><p>You are no longer Mr. Egbert (alias: Dad, also titled Señor Egbert). You are now The Principle of Skaia High School. An expectant smile forming on your sultry, dark face as you gaze at the window which is linked to every security camera in the school. You see a particular fedora-donning Spanish teacher scrawl a shockingly well-written proposal regarding a certain club. You take a hit of your long drag, basking in borderline giddiness at how much this is going to piss of the cheerios coach because you're a huge bitch like that<p>

==» Dave: Walk through the halls


	67. Dave: Walk through the halls

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**__

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Walk through the halls

* * *

><p>You walk through the halls, unfathomable amounts of swagger accompanying your each and every step. Heads turn per usual in your morning routine. Your faithful comrades and co-owners of the hallways followed you in suit. An easy and ironic smirk plastered on your face, you aloofly address the bystanders at their locker who hollered greetings at you. Because you are Dave Friggin' Strider and who wouldn't want to provide you with jovial bleats of praise every morning?Girls oohed and aahed in your wake, wishing they could be the object of your undying, vehement admiration despite the obvious fact that you were taken. Dudes hollered greetings and random ironic phrases in your direction. Behind you, your entourage of troll friends and deadweight gorilla-esque linemen readied slushies and dashed off to do the day's rounds. Of course nobody expected you to do the dirty work. That was certainly <em>uncool<em>. That was the reason you didn't like slushying the losers. Not because your well buried conscious and inner self didn't agree with it. There is no irony to be had within yourself.

==» Dave: Inspect the nearby bulletin board.


	68. Dave: Inspect nearby bulletin board

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own MSPA or Glee**_

==» Dave: Inspect the nearby bulletin board

* * *

><p>A nauseating green blotch on the bulletin board near your locker caught your attention. Despite the near sixty percent light blockage of your wicked shades, the thing still stuck out to you like a goiter on an Asian super model. You inspect it more closely.<p>

The blotch is actually a specific shape as opposed to your original inference that said shape was an amorphous bodily discharge... Ew. It's a small green slime thing. You recall seeing something similar to this slime in Ghostbusters (the quintessence of Bill Murray's prophetic brilliance) however this adorable little sticker has some other source. You're sure you've seen this somewhere but on who? Or _whom_?

The entirely-too-curly-for-male-script name next to the sticker read: _John Egbert_.

Alas, upon further investigation you discover this is a sign up sheet. You consider taking out a writing utensil to scrawl your own ironic and hilariously degrading name on the list but decide against it for no reason in particular. _John Egbert,_ you think. He's just another one of those dorky Glee nobodies. You briefly recall a few snippets of his presence in some of your classes in middle school.

Even before you heard the kid utter a word you could see the flaming, giant, flamboyant neon sign screaming "DORK." pointing to his head. Because of said status, you've kept your distance, only observing from a distance.

Not that you'd observe him, ever. Like, _ever_.

Seriously, coolkids pining for nerds is the stuff of bad 80's movies starring Molly Ringwald and such insinuations have no place in the daily thought process of Dave Strider. After all, towards top of your list of things you are entirely too awesome for, along with puppets (except for Lil Cal, because he's a chill bro) and country music, is anything involving Molly Ringwald. And you are damned if you're going to devote more than point five seconds of non-ironic thought to playing Jake Ryan for some romcom-loving dweeb.

==» Dave, I think you're overthinking this a bit.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for the review and your interest, .Twilight! You rock! :**

-Ren & Fu


	69. Dave, I think you're overthinking this

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Dave, I think you're overthinking this a bit.

* * *

><p>You calm your shit down because you don't even know what the fuck just triggered your cheesy 80's related rant and you <em>really <em>don't want to revisit that moment. You run your hand through flawless hair. Class is going to start soon. You ought to get to some kind of class soon.

Instead of grabbing books and folders like a _normal student _would, you opt to take out a large and thoroughly desiccated sketch book which contains your artistic and phat musical musings. After all, cool kids don't do _work _during school. Is that a joke?

Please, that's what those chocolaty blooded trolls are for. Or Asians.

You nonchalantly close your locker (which is an almost unnecessary way to describe it since you do pretty much fucking _everything _nonchalantly) and make your way to the math classroom. Strolling along, you hum a tune to yourself, making a sound so small only you could barely hear it. Nobody else really needs to hear your stupid humming, anyways.

You stroll down the hallw-HOLY FUCK WHO'S HAND IS ON YOUR SHOULDER WHERE DID IT COME FROM

==» Dave: Strife!


	70. Dave: Strife!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Dave: Strife!

* * *

><p>Your cool demeanor is quickly replaced with high defensive modus! You flip away and immediately take stance opposite the offender. Who the fuck is this person to think they could jump the fleet-footed, covetable Dave Strider!<p>

==» Actually, this doesn't seem like a very good idea.


	71. This doesn't seem like a good idea

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA**_

__==» Actually, this doesn't seem like a very good idea

* * *

><p>A bad idea? You scoff at the thought of running away from a strife! No true man would run away from a fight! This you learned from the movie Mulan, which you only watched for <em>ironic <em>purposes, you swear.

==» Look at who your opponent is, dumbass.


	72. Look at your opponent, dumbass

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA!**_

__==» Look at who your opponent is, dumbass.

* * *

><p>You briefly let the cloud of combat clear a bit. You see that individual who dared enter your coveted space bubble is, indeed, not a ninja, enemy soldier, renegade, terrorist, or any other such fucking sweet ass opponent, but a mere teacher. You don't recognize him, he must be new. Yet, despite his novelty, something about him rings familiar.<p>

You look down, he calmly places a letter addressed to you in your hand and walks away without a word, toting a briefcase and donning an incredibly shameful head accessory. You look down at the impeccable sans serif handwriting. Seriously, who the dicks spends enough time addressing a letter in perfectly hand-written arial?

Looking back up, you see the man has disappeared. This is just great.

==» Dave: Read the letter.


	73. Dave: Read the letter

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Homestuck or Glee**_

__==» Dave: Read the letter.

You saunter down the hall, your stomping ground. It seemed unusually void of douchebags or dorks or valley girls or trolls or anyone. Seeing the hall is truly yours, you rip open the envelope, reading the perfectly straightly written document:

_Dear Mr. Strider,_

_It has come to my attention that you possess an aptitude for rhythm and a talent for singing. I am working on obtaining the position of Glee Club advisor for Skaia High School and delight at the prospect of your presence within our club. Not only I, but the other members would appreciate your participation and I would hope that you offer consideration on the matter._

_-Mr. Egbert_

You read the note two more times, mostly because you can't understand what in the hell this dude is saying and why in the name of phallic dream imagery he is approaching you, of all people, to join glee club. You entertain the teacher's reasoning. Perhaps he is optimistically delusional or maybe he doesn't know how things work around here.

You eye the signature again. Mr. Egbert. John Egbert. The awkward remnant of familiarity. They must be related, you think.

You maintain your poker face, your mind expresses incredible distaste. Perhaps you enjoy singing. Perhaps you don't. Whatever the case, you refuse to join glee club. That would be the equivalent of tying a safe around your coolness and throwing into the water, letting it is to say, glee club is social suicide. Period. End of story. You decide you can write Mr. Egbert an entirely less verbose letter giving him your obvious reply.

==»


	74. Now let's go somewhere else

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki does not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==»

* * *

><p>You are now Dad Egbert. A blunt, solitary beep snaps you out of your perfectly organized line of thought as you stroll back to your classroom before starting the day. Alas, it is your nagging mother. You love your mother dearly and you're happy that she is still alive to help your raise your son as opposed to, oh, I don't know, perhaps being obliterated by a meteor or having suffered an accident at the hand of a bookshelf, a ladder, and an unabridged edition of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery. Of course, such silliness need not be considered in the mind of a straightlaced individual like yourself. Morbid hypothetical situations aside, you decide to entertain your mother, whose messaged:<p>

piperfan413: _Hee hee hee! Good morning, son!_

You respond:

fedorafreak: _Salutations, mother. I find your daybreak addressment rather pleasant. To what to I owe such extraneous pleasantries?_

piperfan413: _Would you mind terribly if I questioned your taste in job selection?_

fedorafreak: _I don't believe I quite see your vantage point. Please elaborate._

piperfan413: _Well, it's just, John. I know you did this for him, but those dreaded politicians seem dead-bent on the ending of teachers' rights! You made quite a good salary at the old corporation, why the change?_

fedorafreak: _Your concerns are duly noted, however; I believe I shall have no qualms parting with a few harlequin souvenirs if so need be. I'm sure the wages of an instructor shall suffice._

piperfan413: _Hoo hoo! That's my boy! It always fills me with happiness to see how hard you work for your son. I just was concerned, I suppose. Just keep in mind, they're cutting corners where they can. I wouldn't want you to be shaved before you leave the follicle! Hee hee!_

fedorafreak: _I extend my gratitude, mother._

piperfan413: _You're such a good boy... Oh, dear! The timer's gone off! I've got to get some brownies out of the oven! I'll talk to you later, hee hee!_

-piperfan413 ceased chatting with fedorafreak-

==»

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Do you see what we're doing here? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Who knows. d: Well yeah. I mean since we're not exactly... Watching the episode all the time, I can't say the events are in perfect order. And obviously Mr. Egbert isn't married, so we had to work in a bit of an edge for that plot point somewhere.**


	75. Continuity

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own MSPA or Glee**_

==»

* * *

><p>You heave a manly sigh and sit down in your desk, awaiting the trials of teacherdom. You think about your mother's words. She's always had the best interests of you and John at her heart and despite your utter and complete sureness in your decisions, her tone invited self questioning of which you are not completely used to. You're sure you could support John.<p>

Teaching is just the beginning. You hope to provide as much as you can for your beautiful, rascally son. You already called the secretary and dropped off your letter at the office in some weird, unnarrated instance of crazy time shit and "writer's laziness", so now all you do is wait.

You twiddle your thumbs as your first few students of the day file in for your basic spanish class.

_¡Que increíble! _

==» Enigmatic and beautiful Principal: Approve the document


	76. Principal: Approve the document

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or Homestuck.**_

==» Enigmatic and beautiful Principal: Approve the document

* * *

><p>You are now the Principal. You have received a proposal from the new Spanish teacher you recruited. Though barely visible under your large brimmed hat and collared jacket, an alluring smirk forms on your dark features. You promptly sign your approval, excited to call in the man for a meeting.<p>

Sure, fine musical arts moved you just as much as they moved any other hard-boiled, sensual woman who could do unspeakable things with a cigarette holder, but the prospect of children bleating out showtunes isn't what makes you tick.

What really inspirits you is how satisfyingly catharsis inspiring the look on the cheerios coach's face will look when you inform him that you will be pulling some of his funds.

You take a long drag from your even longer cigarette holder, satisfied with yourself despite the obvious appearance of inaction on your part.

You just _love _pissing that guy off.

Because you're a huge bitch like that.

==» Fast forward


	77. Fast forward

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own MSPA or Glee, yo.**_

==» Fast forward

* * *

><p>It is now the afternoon and in the choppily arranged frame of time between this morning's establishment of a glee club of questionable nuances. Aside from the events forementioned, little happened aside from no less than three point seven two slushyings and one point zero referrals to the office for accidental firearm combustulation. Nothing short of normal at the institution of Skaia high. Being now in the afterschool time frame, it makes sense that our little singing sirens already find themselves huddled in the music room which they claim as their own every day from what linear time people refer as "from three to five o' clock".<p>

You are now the self proclaimed cornerstone of this organization of crooning choristers.

==» Be the self proclaimed cornerstone


	78. Be the self proclaimed cornerstone

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own MSPA or Glee**_

==» Be the self proclaimed cornerstone

* * *

><p>You are now John Egbert, the self proclaimed cornerstone of this tribe of troubadours. You take a glance around to make sure everyone is present, even though you are already entirely aware that they all are and this is kind of pointless.<p>

==»Robot roll-call!


	79. Robot rollcall!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own MSPA, MST3K, or Glee.**_

==» Robot roll call!

* * *

><p>Cambot!<p>

==» No

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; I wonder if anyone will get the reference...**


	80. No

**Gleestuck **

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own MSPA, MST3K, or Glee**_

==» No

* * *

><p>Servo!<p>

==» No no no


	81. No no no

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee, MST3K, or MSPA.**_

==» No no no

* * *

><p><em>Croooooooooooooow<em>!

==» That is enough of your cornball 80's douchebag robot comedians! Wrong series, asshat.


	82. That's enough of your douchebag robots

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Dr. Yuki doesn't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» That is enough of your cornball 80's douchebag robot comedians! Wrong series, asshat.

* * *

><p>You're no fun.<p>

==» The actual roll call thus performed by the self proclaimed cornerstone


	83. Actual roll call

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» The actual roll call thus performed by the self proclaimed cornerstone

* * *

><p>You are now the self proclaimed cornerstone and thus decide it's probably a good idea to perform a roll call to assure the presence of your fellow performers.<p>

You call out "Tavros Nitram!"

"H-here." the meek cripple stutters.

"Nepeta Leijon!" you call next.

"Nya~" is what she returns with. Names are uniform, but you suppose you can forgive her for her lack of communication skills. (After all, her pulchritude stat is staggeringly low.)

"Jade Harley?" you call next.

"Here." said the girl with long hair and dark glasses as she walks in. She seems a bit upset. Perhaps she got in trouble for being caught with illicit fire arms, or maybe she had to earnestly shoo her slightly disconcertingly eyeless dog away. (That creepy scamp somehow finds a way to get into the school sometimes.)

"Kanaya Maryam." you call.

The sweet troll raises her hand and returns to her slightly trashy and incredibly shameful rainbowdrinker novel. What even is it with her and rainbowdrinkers?

"John Egbert? Oho! That's me!" You say unintentionally sounding more fruity than a Kevin Spacey Rock Hudeson gusher.

Your father strides into the room wordless. Everyone looks at him in bewilderment.

Who could this incredibly well dressed and obviously professional man be?

He brandishes a note.

==» Read note aloud


	84. Read note aloud

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Glee and MSPA belong not to us.**_

==» Read note aloud

* * *

><p>You take the note from your father who would obviously not be expected to read such lardaciously irrational documents. You look down to see a rather disagreeable and ironic note written in a red pen with a rather masculine, borderline hieroglyphic look to it:<p>

"yo.

dude I don't know who you think you are but youre obviously new. to think that someone with my sicknasty skills would so much as ironically bat a single eyelash in the general direction of something within the seventy mile epicenter of pitiful social retardation that is glee club is hysterical in both ironic and non ironic ways. ill have to say no to your proposal dude.

-dave strider"

You look up from the note too see a distraught glee crew.

Kanaya has a look of calculating pondering tinged with sadness on her face.

Tavros is fidgeting pathetically and even blubbering a little about how he's not, er, surprised at Strider's r-reaction.

Nepeta dons a simple yet undeniably feline-esque frown whilst Jade's arms are crossed and her mouth turned downard in disapproval.

Your father remains at ease.

==» John: Give 'em a pep talk to cheer them up!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; We apologize for the unintentional hiatus. You can all rest easy that Gleestuck is not dead. It merely went on a prolonged vacation. Sorry again. **


	85. John: Give 'em a pep talk

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Glee and MSPA belong to us.**_

==» John: Give 'em a pep talk to cheer them up!

* * *

><p>You eye your depressing team of singers with fiery determination.<p>

"Hey!" you begin, picturing yourself as Nic Cage, rousing a crowd of doubtful revolutionaries, " Just because some really ironically cool, actually easily the coolest guy in the school, whose actually really attractive, though I am not supposed to think that because he's super out of my league, and he may have nice shoes and his glasses are _so_ awesome, but just because he's like, the most admired figure in the school and has his own actual fucking fanclub and stuff, that doesn't mean..."

This is the point at which you notice the horror with which your comrades look upon you with. Kanaya's palm is covering most of her face, whilst Tavros looks like he is nearly ready to weep. Nepeta paps him as soothingly as someone who's not truly moirails with another can and Jade looks like she is ready to beat your face in with the holding part of her flintlock pistol.

"Er... Nevermind..." you say backing off. Words aren't much your forte anyways, you're much more for trickery!

You always wonder how you came about such a trait since it doesn't _seem _like something you picked up from your dad. You think perhaps your nanna gave the aptitude for prankery shenanigans to you.

==»Dad: Silently formulate a plan.


	86. Dad: Silently formulate a plan

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dad: Silently formulate a plan.

* * *

><p>As the adolescents grimly recount their apparent lowness on the echeladder of high school hierarchy you stand there, cold and calculating. As your beloved son rattled off the insatiably unprofessional letter from Mr. Strider a rather dastardly plan began to tick in the clock of your brain. Though you put on the facade of tomfoolery to please your son, you never cognitized yourself a particularly tricky man. However this plan presents an incredibly tricky line of data in your head.<p>

Yes, yes. That is what you will do.

You nod to your son. You seldom need words to communicate with him. He knows this means you have business to attend to and must be taking your leave of absence. You're sure nothing disorderly should happen in the time of your gone.

==» Dad: Leave music room


	87. Dad: Leave the music room

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Leave music room

* * *

><p>You leave the music room. You are now in a hallway. If you go to your right that will lead you toward the gym where the notorious and national title winning CHEERIOS will be partaking in their daily four hour practice. You imagine that such rigorous work for such a long period of time wreaks havoc on the efficiency and productivity of the athletes, but from what you've heard, the coach leans toward less practical methods of thought in regards to his team of CHEERIOS.<p>

Also, you think that is a silly name.

You prefer not to go in that direction.

To your left will lead to the collection of offices, including that of the Guidence Counselor and eventually the Principal's office.

==» Dad: Go right, storm into the gym and interrupt CHEERIOS practice by riding the basketball hoop like a mechanical bull


	88. Dad: Go into gym the gym and

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Homestuck or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Go right, storm into the gym and interrupt CHEERIOS practice by riding the basketball hoop like a mechanical bull

* * *

><p>You will do NO SUCH THING. It is ENTIRELY AGAINST GENTLEMENLY CONDUCT to ride ANYTHING like a mechanical bull before taking it out on at least seven dates.<p>

And quite frankly you have no interest in courting a stationary basketball hoop.

==» Dad: Go left and head to the principal's office.


	89. Dad: Go left, head to principal's office

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Homestuck or MSPA**_

==» Dad: Go left and head to the principal's office.

* * *

><p>You decide it is a much more wise decision to take the most direct route to the principal's office. You head by, appreciating the graphically built school system. It seemed even the tiles were perfectly in line, black and white, like a chess board. Due to the time of day few people roamed the halls, which proved beneficial to your journey, being that you are not fond of bumping into the youngins, especially considering the rather hoodlumish nature most of them take on.<p>

BUMP!

Woops! It appears that in your splendor of musing, you've bumped into a rather large individual.

==» Dad: Aggrieve!


	90. Dad: Aggrieve!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Homestuck or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Aggrieve!

* * *

><p>Once again the gods-awful voices making terrible suggestions. Why, who even has the audacity to suggest such a thing when confronted with this large shadowy mass of man.<p>

Say, this guy looks kind of familiar. You could swear his name is...

==» Enter name of shadowy giant


	91. Enter name of the shadowy giant

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We doesn't own Glee or Homestuck**_

==» Enter name of shadowy giant

* * *

><p>The name of the shadowy giant is<p>

HEARTS BOXCARS

You quickly recognize him as the brusque, exceptionally threatening former glee club director. You wonder why in meteors he might be taking an intimidating stroll through the checkered halls of Skaia High.

He looks at you and greets you, "Hey, bub. You better watch your steps unless you want your upper torso area to be imbibed in a single bite."

His eloquence in language surprised you. You expected him to be a man of even fewer words than the ones he decided to greet you with. You suppose, however, that in the dire situation glee club is/was/will be in that is his threats of bodily harm could have greatly benefited the cause.

You give the brute a nod.

"What's your beef, bub?" he asks out of the metaphorical blue.

You present a chart to him which contained a curve representing your current situation.

The y axis represents the potential of success for glee club, the x represents the possibility of the active membership of dave strider. It is a directly proportional line. As Dave Strider's membership increases, so does the potential of glee club.

He takes it, furrows his eyebrows, and rips it in half.

"Strider kid, huh. Know that one. His guardian's an odd one. Only know him by the name of Bro. Has some freaky interests the older one does." Boxcars told you. You have no idea why he provided such information, but he feels it fit to continue and you are in no state of mind to stop him.

"You ever heard of 'em? Smuppets they're called." Boxcars said.

If you ever showed any semblance of external emotion, this would be the moment at which you would perhaps let out a shocked gasp or your eyes would widen to comically unproportional roundness.

Smuppets? Those filthy objects?

"Strange stuff, bub." and with that Hearts Boxcars decided that was the point in the conversation during which he would abort mission and continue roaming the halls for...

Why was he even walking around again.

==» Dad: Disregard his motivations and use the provided information to further develope your plan


	92. Dad: Further develop plan

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Glee and MSPA do not belong to us.**_

==» Dad: Disregard his motivations and use the provided information to further develop your plan

* * *

><p>You opt not to allot any time to pondering the motivations of Mr. Boxcars. You consider a terribly inefficient use of time. You decide it is a better idea to develop your plan more thoroughly. It appears that this new presentation of information provides a nice step forward on the stairwell of your tricky process. You continue along your way down the hall.<p>

This time your path is obstructed not by a giant shadowy titan, but a slender and incredibly beauteous slyph of a woman who seems to be having a hard time finding her balance.

==» Dad: GENTLEMANTECH -» AID DAME LVL. 11

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; MAN. I feel sooo bad for you watcher peoples. xD Seriously your inbox is probably like shitting out alerts from us. d:**


	93. Dad: GENTLEMANTECH AID DAME LVL11

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own HS or GLEE.**_

==» Dad: GENTLEMANTECH -» AID DAME LVL. 11

* * *

><p>You use your high leveled and arcane skills of mannerly gentlemanism to swoop to the dame's aid. No woman falls on the floor and remains there on your watch!<p>

You stride over to the woman and extend an arm which she happily takes. Great effort ensues and eventually the uncannily wobbly woman is upon her feet. You happen to know who this woman is.

The school guidance counselor thanks you, still clinging to your extended arm. You recall seeing the name, "Ms. Lalonde" on the nameplate outside her office. The fine woman mutters, "Thanks you." in a rather drawn out tone.

She lets go, wobbles about a bit, and finally finds her balance after what seems like too much effort to devote to merely finding your balance.

She stumbles a bit once again, you rush over to steady her. A blank, yet fiery glance is exchanged between you two.

The moment diminishes as she thanks you and hurriedly weebles away muttering something about being late.

Today's events have proven incredibly unusual.

==» Dad: Get to the office already!


	94. Dad: Get to the office already!

**Gleestuck**

**Season 1**

**Episode 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dad: Get to the office already!

* * *

><p>You feel that your trip has been distracted quite enough and rush to the office before any more sideshows are likely to attract your attention.<p>

You nod to the secretary, a short man with a tremendously frivolous and colorful hat. You give the stout, dim man a fabricated story explaining the dire urgency with which you need to contact a certain individual. After a prolonged period of fumbling around like a beheaded cat the small man manages to give you a post it note with the contact information needed to carry out this stage of what you now call Operation Aviator Retrieval.

Time to call a man about a smuppet.

==» CHEERIOS INTERLUDE


	95. CHEERIO INTERLUDE

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or MSPA**_

CHEERIOS INTERLUDE

* * *

><p>You want to advance the plot but suddenly a curtain drops and you are confronted with the words "CHEERIOS INTERLUDE" in all caps.<p>

You are now in the gym with the famed CHEERIOS of Skaia high. There is no cheerleading team that can match your SEVEN CONSECUTIVE NATIONAL TROPHIES in all of the universe or any other timeline. The reason being the new management that overthrew the program entirely seven years ago. Though some say his tactics ornery, brash, and homicidal, nobody can deny the effectiveness of the coach's methods.

As a whole the cheerios enter their second hour of practice. This part of the practice is when the cheerios break into smaller groups and each go to workout stations situated in the gym. Some of the various notorious workouts that the groups are required to do are the "Touch your nose to your heels while standing up six times", "Jump high or get your feet eaten by a frisky crocodile", "Balance on the rope or fall into the vat of boiling whale oil", and the worst of all, "7 Minute Abs". After a few minutes a whistle is blown and the group is called to move to the next station.

Be the cheerios coach.


	96. Be the cheerio coach

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA**_

Be the cheerios coach

* * *

><p>You are now the cheerios coach.<p>

You are the bane of any other school organization that wishes to have any funding at all.

You are the dark master of cheerleading. It is you who brought Skaia High School it's glorious seven consecutive national titles. Your brash decision making, impulsive actions, and all over irritable demeanor got you what you deserved. You've done so much goodness, your sector's local news station even decided to give you a segment.

You can hold your own in a brawl of any kind be it with fist, card, or (your preferred weapon) cast iron horse hitcher.

==» Enter name of cheerios coach


	97. Enter name of cheerios coach

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or Homestuck.**_

==» Enter name of cheerios coach

* * *

><p>Your name is Jack Noir.<p>

You are Skaia High's cheerio coach, the bane of any organization that wishes to divert funding from your program. You provide the miles of agonizing red tape it takes to formally move against you. You train your cheerios to be fit enough to singlehandedly mangle the individual faces of each musclebeast in an immense herd. Everybody fears you. Everybody respects you. It is a fact that will not change. Ever. Your reign and pull in this school is infinite and supreme. You're sure none of that will change this year.

==END INTERLUDE==


	98. END CHEERIOS INTERLUDE

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or Homestuck**_

==END INTERLUDE==

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in the music room...<p>

Our members of Glee club scatterbrainedly lament their pitiful situation.

Tavros looks down at the floor in grim contemplation. Or that's how it looks, anyways. It could easily be internal screaming, which would surprise exactly nobody in the club. Kanaya's lips are still pursed as Nepeta recounts the tale of her day to the matronly troll.

"Wow. I hate to be a downer, but in this... Er, condition, we kind of suck." Jade says with a frown. John has no choice to but to agree.

"Yeah, but what is there to do?" he asks his long time friend. The diva's eyes furrow in concentration for a short moment and she says, "I don't know. Obviously we lack male leadership. No offense John and Trav ("None taken." he comments), but you're tenors, John can be called countertenor even. It's all great, but we need a heavier backbone. It's too bad that Strider kid wouldn't join us."

At the sound of Strider's name an acute, heavy pang strikes at John's heart. He has no idea why, but he feels like if the kid got to know his gang of misfits, he may like them. Of course this is a silly notion because no such thing would ever happen. Glee club seemed like a batch full of wistful sighs and pitiable accounts today.

==» This is depressing. Let's fast forward a few hours. And be someone else while you're at it.


	99. This is depressing Be someone else, too

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» This is depressing. Let's fast forward a few hours. And be someone else while you're at it.

* * *

><p>It is now a few hours later. All of the children engaged in extracurriculars have retired to their hives for the night. Only a few extraneous staff remain. You are now the school principle of Skaia High.<p>

You have two men of completely opposite ends of the mental, physical, and personal spectrum sitting before you in chairs in front of your desk. You're about to announce something that will make you a _very, very _happy woman, whilst making one party in the room _very, very unhappy. _The thought of it makes you giddy with glee.

But, wait a minute. What even is your name?

==» Enter name of principal


	100. Enter name of Principal

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Enter name of principle

* * *

><p>Your name is <em>not<em> Huge Bitch, like many like to think it is.

Your name is Snowman. _Principal _Snowman to you, lowlies.

As you were saying, you were about to inform the cheerios coach, Jack Noir, of a recent development in the extra curricular funds while simultaneously informing Mr. Egbert of the approval of his proposition with a small retainer to go along with it.

_Joy._

==» Principal Snowman: Give it to 'em straight.

**A/N: 100 chapters! Woo!**


	101. Principal Snowman:Give it to 'em

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Principal Snowman: Give it to 'em straight.

* * *

><p>You do just that.<p>

"Mr. Egbert, I'm happy to give you funds needed to start a good glee club. We severely lack a well rounded variety of arts programs. In order to aid you, we'll be pulling the Cheerios's dry cleaning and private ship fund." you say plainly, waiting for it.

3...

2...

1...

"_WHAT." _Jack's voice rings out. You give him a coy smile.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Noir?" you say, a dark eyebrow rising at the inquiry. The Cheerios coach grits sharp teeth.

"You can't do that! We are an award winning team! We have _needs._" Jack says, trying as hard as possibly not to have one of those pissy fits he is so prone to having.

"But, Jack, don't you think that we ought to give a little to the arts? Everyone wants their voice to be heard, right Mr. Egbert?" you say in a voice that was both kind and incredibly enthusiastic, just the kind of voice that would further chip away at Jack Noir's nerves. Mr. Egbert gave a curt nod whilst Jack began to shake a bit.

"Couldn't you pull funds from another... organization?" Jack asks, acid seeping through in his voice.

"Other programs don't have money to give like yours. Keep opposing me and I'll pull your massage funds as well." you tell him. Jack's face contorts into a delicious mask of phenomenal fury. Mr. Egbert's face remains the same as it has been since he entered.

You then shoo them off before another distraught grunt could be mumbled, "Well that is all. I look forward to this year's endeavors. You may go."

Mr. Egbert leaves. Jack lingers for a bit, giving you a scowl of utter disgust and loathing.

It takes all the restraint you have not to grab him by the collar and snog him right there.

You nod toward the door and he takes his leave.

Business as usual at Skaia High.

==» Be Dad


	102. Be Dad

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own the serieses.**_

==» Be Dad

* * *

><p>You are now Mr. Egbert, aka Dad. You walk out of the office satisfied with the success of your written proposal. It brings you joy that you can provide the means necessary to fuel your son's happiness. As you walk out, ready to go home, a dark figure swoops in front of you, jabbing a finger in your general direction.<p>

"Hey." Jack says. "I don't know what angle you're playin' slick, but in this game of cards I always get the chips in the end. The glee deal's real cute, but hear me out, bub, I. Will. End. You." he says with a deep sneer. Coach Noir angrily shuffles off.

You don't know what to make of that interaction. Obviously it's not a positive circumstance to add to the growing seedling that is Glee Club, however you're sure there is nothing to worry about. You proceed as you were before.

==» Fast forward to the next day.


	103. Fast forward to the next day

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own the serieses involved in this production. Also, an extra little reference to a few other serieses is in here. Anyone who gets it wins +100 pulchritude. ;)**_

==» Fast forward to the next day.

* * *

><p>It is now the next morning and Skaia High is once again flooded with the nonsensical bullshittery that typically accompanies high school students in the rush of the morning.<p>

Now before we get into any more story telling, why don't we take a moment to explain the echeladder of Skaia High School.

From top to bottom;

The top rank is of course, [Earth] Football Player _or _Female Cheerio

Below them is an assortment of physically adept persons, participants in other sports such as [Human] Soccer, Rugby, Extreme FLARPers, Volleyballers, Logthrowers, Musclebeast tamers, Contraraquillas (a sport in which the athletes slay bearsharks), Hockey, and so forth.

Below the physically adept are the swaggeriffic alternative artsy people. This includes Hipsters, Hippies, Poeticists, cool Asians, Bards, slightly less extreme FLARPers, Paintricians, Stoners (from marijuana to sopor slime), Dancers, people in cool bands with ironic names, and Art Critics who really know nothing about art aside from the famous names like Pablo Trollcasso and Claude Monet.

Getting lower you find the people with more intellectual on the echeladder. Here we have Mathletes, Scribes, Scholars, Historians, members of the Academic Team, Science Olympiad members, Archeologists, Explorers of all terrain, Know-it-all Douchebags, people who never study and have straight A's, and people who do nothing but study.

As we further descend the ladder we start to get to the individuals with even odder qualities. The people at this levels are the ones who eat whatever random things come out of their nose, the ones who talk to themselves, Gothic/Goffick persons, girls who eat their feelings, Nerds who try desperately to get laid but know they never will, B-List Douchebag Celebrity Monsters, Chess Club, and uncool Asians.

Descending down the deep abyss to the bottom rungs they go as proceeds: People with mental diseases, the stool of a thousand musclebeasts, and, ah, at last, Glee Club.

So there is a brief explanation of the echeladder hierarchy of Skaia High School.

==» Back to the story!


	104. Back to the story

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Back to the story!

* * *

><p>It is the morning of the next day of school. Trolls and humes alike flood the entrance and parking lot, speaking in their allotted groups.<p>

You are now the darling fashionista Kanaya Maryam. You slowly step out of your wheeled vehicle, a fabulous faux bullfairyfur bag slung around your shoulder, clutching your rainbowdrinker novel close to your chest. You know it's coming. It's always like this. It happens _every morning_. You also know you're strong. Despite this preexisting knowledge, every morning you find the same feeling of fear and dread well up in your alimentary canal. You continue your way and you estimate it will be but a matter of seconds before-

"You. You wwith the bag, get over here." said the familiar, snobbish voice of the football player who was apparently deemed to babysit this particular gang of chartreuse clad brutes. You look down and attempt to skitter away, wishing you had brought your chainsaw with you. Unfortunately your strife specibus remains woefully empty.

Despite your attempt to abscond, you feel a hand grab your should in a not so gentle manner and drag you toward the garbage receptacle. Perhaps one of them you would be able to make work of, even two, but you know that against the herd of them you don't stand a chance with aggrieving. You frown, giving up and shoving your books into the arms of a disconcertingly sweaty troll and throw your arms up in submission.

You hit the pile of trash with a soft scrunch and a chorus of laughter follows. Your frown deepens. You get out, not able to avoid the acute knife of embarrassment stabbing into your collapsing and expanding bladder based vascular system. You stumble out of the deep receptacle and yank your books out of the sweaty arms of a large troll, stomping away from the dying choir of laughter.

This place _really_ sucks.

==» Nepeta: Walk the halls with your matesprit ("boyfriend")


	105. Nepeta: Roll along with your beau

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or Homestuck.**_

==» Nepeta: Walk the halls with your matesprit ("boyfriend")

* * *

><p>You are now Nepeta Leijon. You roll your adorable matesprit Tavros Nitram along the gilded glory filled halls of Skaia High.<p>

"N-Nepeta?" Tavros asks.

"Nyah?" You respond, a typical inquiring remark from you.

"Do you, uh, think that we might, uh, maybe, get better? Like, as, a, uh, glee club? D'you think it'll get b-better for u-us?" the legless troll asked. The simultaneously hopeful and hopeless question melted your feline fanatic's heart just slightly. Just as you are about to utter shallow assurances to him, a shock of cold overwhelms you.

A small crowd of felty green donning douchebags continued walking by at a leisurely pace, laughing all the while. You wipe your eyes seeing that both your matesprit and yourself are now covered an ice and syrup suspension.

"Aahhhh! I c-can't see! I'm blind! I'm crippled. And now I'm _blind_. Why do these things always h-happen!" Tavros wails, wiping at his eyes. You sigh in exasperation. It isn't even eight o' clock in the human-time morning and you are already covered in a combination of ice, high fructose corn syrup, and blue #4.

You wheel yourselves to the closest bathroom as Tavros blubbers about how his eyes sting. Man, what even do they put in those things that they sting _that much_.

==» Jade: Walk and talk with John


	106. Jade: Walk and talk with John

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own either of these series. Or Zombieland. Or The Family Man. Or "The Knowing". Thank. Fucking. God. That is literally the worst movie we have seen as a collective. Dear god don't waste those two hours of your life. Don't. Waste. Them.**_

==»Jade: Walk and talk with John

* * *

><p>You are now the adventurous markswomandiva Jade Harley. You're walking to your locker and you've just caught John in the halls.

"Morning John!" you say with a smile. The dorkalicious ectobiolophile joins you at your side.

"Ugh. Morning Jade. How are you so full of energy?" he asks you. It was simple, really. You always got your full eight hours of sleep. Even if it wasn't all at once. Or in one room. Or continent.

You begin to recount your night,"I slept well last night. I had such an awesome dream I-... Hey are you alright? You don't look to hot yourself." you say, concerned. John, though never fully functional in the morning time looks especially disheveled today. His eyes droop and his slime shirt is on backwards. You want desperately to point this out but decide against it since one of your closest friends looks like Bill Murray in Zombieland.

"I'm fine. I was just up late last night. Between watching _The Knowing_ three times and worrying about glee. I just... I really want it to work out, ya know? It's my thing. I'm not good for much else." he says in an exhaustion induced spill of his inner soulstuffs.

You give him a pap on the shoulder and assure him, "Hey. You're good at lots of things. Like, who else can perfectly cite every line of The Family Man? And you can pull a heck of a practical joke! Remember the oboe thing? That was legend!" At mention of THE OBOE THING your bespectacled comrade cracks a smile.

"Now cheer up. We'll get through this together." You tell him in sickeningly sweet and heartwarming way that would raise the diabetes bar of any onlooking demon mobster kingpin tenfold.

With that the tired Egbert squeezes you into a quick hug before skipping off into some other direction. You shrug.

==» Be John now


	107. Be John now

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Be John now

* * *

><p>You are now John Egbert and you skipped away with Jade, a mostly entirely retarded idea having formed in your head. Despite the COMPLETE STUPIDITY of what you feel like doing, you still have strong urges to do just that. If you recall correctly a certain ironic, aviator-donning blond douche has class in hallway XI first period.<p>

==» This sounds like a bad idea


	108. This sounds like a bad idea

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» This sounds like a bad idea

* * *

><p>Something tells you this sounds like a bad idea.<p>

You ignore that something.

You trek on, hall IIX... Hall IX... Hall X... and you arrive at hall XI! This hallway just like every other hallway is straight and is constantly intersecting with other ones perpendicularly. This hallway has is where the Ectobiology and Archeology classrooms are. Assorted troupes of students mingle about. You see a flash of blonde hair and cool glasses just behind a rather tall troll. The troll moves out of the way. You see, to your surprise, Dave Strider is alone.

==» John: Chat with Dave Strider ?


	109. John: Chat with Dave Strider?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: Chat with Dave Strider ?

* * *

><p>You squeeze between the densely grouped trolls and humans until your reach the locker of one Dave Strider. You gulp.<p>

Shit. This is the part where words are supposed to happen. You find yourself incapable of forming them.

==» John: Sleuth Diplomacy Lvl 2 Fair Shake


	110. John: Sleuth Diplomacy lvl 2 Fair Shake

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: Sleuth Diplomacy Lvl 2 Fair Shake

* * *

><p>You have no idea what that is. You are not a sleuth and you've no experience with diplomacy.<p>

==» John: Ride Dave Strider like a mechanical bull


	111. John: Ride dave like a mechanical bull

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own. Glee/MSPA.**_

==» John: Ride Dave Strider like a mechanical bull

* * *

><p>You will do <em>no such thing<em>. That sounds really stupid and really embarrassing. The mere thought of riding Dave Strider gives you an overwhelming case of the vapors. You'd much rather just do what you originally planned.

==» John: Carry on.


	112. John: Carry on

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee/MSPA.**_

==» John: Carry on.

* * *

><p>You look around, making sure there aren't any gangs of green jerseyed, red jacketed, fascist douchebag jerks around poised to pounce you. After your quick check you give Dave a gentle tap on the shoulder. The blonde turns around and for just the slightest you believe you witness a semblance of surprise or shock on his face. However whatever tiny facial muscle might have made such a revealing movement was quickly punished and corrected, outfitting Dave Strider with his trademark poker face.<p>

You are not sure if your mouth is open or not at this point, but for some reason your brain decides now is not a useful time to function.

Nope. Instead your brain decides that perhaps it'll take a vacation to a glass house by a beach somewhere. Like a douche.

You just barely see an eyebrow raise behind aviators.

"E-er." you start. Not the smoothest thing to say, but then again you are not known for cunning wordsmanship.

"Can I _help_ you?" the Strider asks. His voice is an odd mix of impatience and flat lack of emotion. He obviously does not want to be seen with a loser like you and as the seconds tick by his risk of being seen is directly proportional to your risk of being hurt.

"E-ehm.. Look. I know we're, like, total dorks to you and you probably think Glee is the gayer than a Kevin Spacey Cooper Anderson chicken wrap, but if you like music or singing or anything we could really _really _use your help." you choke out.

Strider's expression remains the same. The hall population begins to dwindle as the bell for first period nears ringing hour. For what felt like three years the two of you just kind of blankly look at each other. You squirm a bit, feeling increasingly insecure under his glance, wishing you had put your shirt on forward.

Without a word Strider walks off, leaving you alone, feeling like the loser moron dorkwad you are. However, before turning a corner, he stops and glances back at you, just for a second, before leaving your sight.

==»


	113. Arrow

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee/MSPA.**_

==»

* * *

><p>After standing like a doof in the middle of the hall for a minute or so post-Strider-encounter you realize that you are probably running late for class and probably should get on that. You figure you should have known better. Why would the heartfelt plea of a guy who cries at the end of Con-Air every time he watches it reach the cold hearted poker faced coolkid Dave Strider.<p>

You revel in your glorius stupidity for a moment and get to class.

==» Fast Forward: Afterschool Activities Ensue


	114. FF:Afterschool Activities Ensue

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Fast Forward: Afterschool Activities Ensue

* * *

><p>It is now afterschool. Glee club is holding a meeting in the music room. The Cheerios are gathered in the gym for their practices. Football practice is out on the football field.<p>

But why would give a shit about the two latter? This is _Glee_stuck, not Footballstuck or Cheeriostuck. Neither of those have nearly as good a ring to it as Gleestuck does.

==» Dad: Overlook auditions


	115. Dad: Overlook Auditions

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own GLEE or MSPA.**_

==» Dad: Overlook auditions

* * *

><p>You gesture for the chattering glee members (who are all present, by the way) to calm down. You point to a white board with large sans serif letters printed on it.<p>

"AUDITIONS

SING A SONG."

A pianist sits at the piano. Nobody knows how or why, but he knows every song ever in existence automatically and can play any song upon request at the second of request. Though there has been much speculation throughout the club, they settled on accrediting it to CRAZY TIME SPACE SHIT. The pianist nervously ogles the group. He has always been shy.

You take a seat on a stool with a clipboard laying on your lap.

The gleeclubbers looked around until finally decided who got to go first.

Nepeta shunted Tavros's chair front and center, which prompted some blubbering rebuttals of "Er, uh, uhm..." and a good deal of trembling.

==» Tavros: Sing a song


	116. Tavros: Sing a song

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA or the song used.**_

==» Tavros: Sing a song

* * *

><p>You feel all eyes on you. Oh gog, why? Why did you have to be first?<p>

"No!" Rufio tells you, "You have to do this! You love singing!"

"E-er." you tell him, "I'm not s-sure about this. I, uh, don't know this is, uh, a good idea."

"Do it." Rufio says.

And with that you sigh, open your mouth, and begin to sing:

_Do you believe in magic_

_In a young girl's heart_

_H-how the music can free her_

_Whenever it starts.._

The pianist, still ogling a bit, eased into the rhythm, taking the tempo up to something energetic. You feel the tension ease up a bit.

_And it's magic_

_IF the music is groovy_

_If it makes feel happy_

_L-like an old time movie_

_I'll tell you about the m-magic _

_It'll, uh, free your soul_

_But it's like trying to tell a stranger_

_about rock and roll_

The glee club starts to groove along to as well, adding "oohs" where oohs were called for. You feel imbibed with confidence. That's what you love so much about singing. You feel confident when you do it. You don't feel like crippled, timid Tavros Nitram. You feel like another person. Like a star.

_If you believe in magic, don't bother to choose_

_If it's jug band music_

_or rhythm and blues_

_Just go and listen_

_It'll start with a smile_

_It won't wipe off your face_

_No matter how hard you try_

_Your feet start tapping and _

_you can't seem to find_

_How you got there_

_So just blow your mind!_

You're not sure where the guy with guitar came from, but you roll with it. He's another one of the slightly disconcertingly pervasive pieces of decor in the music room who automatically knows songs. He takes liberty and does a rockin' guitar solo.

_If you believe in magic_

_Come along with me_

_We'll dance until morning_

_Just you and me_

_And maybe if the music is right_

_I'll meet you tomorrow_

_So late at night_

_We'll go a dancing then you'll see_

_All the magic's in the music _

_And the music's in me!_

_Do you believe in magic?_

_Believe in the magic of a young girl's soul?_

_Believe in the magic of rock and roll?_

_Believe in the magic that can set you free?_

_Do you believe in magic!_

You stop, a smile stretches across your face. You feel like you haven't smiled that much in a long time. Your fellow gleeks applaud wildly for the fun song and how well your tenor voice aced it. A bit of coyness seeps back in and you look down, wringing your hands.

"That was awesome, Tav!" Jade says, clapping still. Kanaya gives you a warm smile and John runs over and high fives you.

Finally, Nepeta grabs you by the horns and plants a big smooch on your mouth! She rolls you over to the sitting area as the glee clubbers argue amongst themselves as to who ought to be next. After more blubbering Kanaya stands up and glides to the center of the room, clearing her throat softly.

==» Kanaya: Audition

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Hope ya'll were cool with the creative liberty we took there since Artie's audition was never shown. Figured the song matched Tavros, too. We're probably going to change the song that Kanaya's parallel sang as well since it totally doesn't fit her, as well.**


	117. Kanaya: Audition

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do. Not. Own. Glee. MPSA. Or Rent. (If you can't tell typing these disclaimers is getting old.)**_

==» Kanaya: Audition

* * *

><p>You step to the center of the room. Your fellow singers look at you expectantly as the pianist continues to awkwardly ogle about the place. (It appears that the Pianist is in some kind of state of perpetual ogling.) You let out a small "Ahem." and open your mouth, your lilting voice singing:<p>

_Live in my house_

_I'll be your shelter_

The pianist plays a simple rhythm on the piano, meloncholy and soft.

_Just pay me back with one thousand kisses_

_Be my loveeer_

_And I'll cover you_

The tempo picks up a bit.

_Open your door_

_I'll be your tenant  
><em>

_Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet_

_But sweet kisses I've got to spare_

_I'll be there and I'll cover you, ohh_

_I think they meant it_

_When they said you can't buy love_

_Now I know you can rent it_

_A new lease you are my love, on life_

_Oh, my liiife_

_I've longed to discover_

_Something as true as this is_

The Glee club joined in, _Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes..._

_If you're cold and you're lonely_

_You've got one nickel only_

_When you're worn out and tired_

_When your heart has expired_

_Oh lover, I'll cover you_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah~_

_Oh lover, I'll cover you_

The ensemble finished together in a tearjerking finale of epicly tragic proportions.

_Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes_

_Five hundred twenty five thousand, seasons of love_

_I'll cover you, ohh!_

"That was p-p-pretty." Tavros coos afterwards. Green tinges your cheeks a bit. Praise, though loved, is rare and causes adverse reactions upon occasion. High fives and fist bumps are exchanged about the small ring of glee club in celebration of their first awesome group piece of the year. You smile and take your seat, ready to give your piece and deliberate on who ought to audition next.

Another five minutes goes buy and the group decides Jade ought to go. Two trolls have already gone, why not a hume!

==» Jade: Show your stuff!


	118. Jade: Show your stuff!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Aretha or MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Jade: Show your stuff!

* * *

><p>You are now Jade Harley and you're about to melt the socks off of these people. Or. Something like that. Unlike the other two, you have no problem getting up in front of people and don't hesitate to strut right up there. You give the pianist who was ogling off into space somewhere a thumbs up, he nods back.<p>

"I think we can all relate to this one..." you remark as the pianist plays the opening bits.

_What you want!_

_Baby, I got it!_

_What you need_

_You know got it_

_All I'm asking_

_Is for a little respect, with ya come on_

Kanaya and Nepeta joined in, smiling, with backup, _Just a little bit!_

_I ain't gonna do you wrong_

_While you're gone_

_Ain't gonna do you wrong_

_Cuz I don't wanna_

_All I'm askin' _

_Is for a little respect!_

_(Just a little bit, just a little bit!)_

_I'm about to give you _

_All of my money_

_And all I'm asking_

_In return honey_

_Is to give me my profits_

_When you get home_

_Yeah baby_

_When you get home!_

Suddenly you hear a moving sax solo. You look to see an incredibly tall, intimidating dude jamming out on his reeded device. You're not sure when he got here, or how he knows the song, but quite frankly if there's one thing you've learnt, it's to go with the flow. Seriously.

_Oh, your kisses_

_Sweeter than honey_

_And guess what_

_So is my money!_

_All I want you to do_

_Is give it to me when you get home_

_Yeah baby, whip it to me_

_R-E-S-P-E-C-T_

_Find out what it means to me!_

_R-E-S-P-E-C-T _

_Take care, TCB!_

_Oh! A little respect!_

_A little repsect!_

_Just a little bit! _

_A little respect!_

Applause once again fills the room which gained two inhabitants since auditions began. The glee club collectively fondly regards your "white human girl soulswag" as they call it. And then you fall asleep.

==» Dad: Adjourn meeting


	119. Dad: Adjourn meeting

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**hey ggaiz i dujnt on **_

_***onw**_

_***nwo**_

_***w/e**_

_**homestuck or geleee* glee**_

==» Dad: Adjourn meeting

* * *

><p>You stand up. "Meeting adjourned. Other things to do." are the only words you utter (which is not at all a surprising development due to your tendency to use the fewest amount of words possible) before nodding thanks to the enigmatic pianist, guitarist, and saxophone player and taking your leave. You open your planner and turn to the day's date. At precisely Three in the afternoon you are scheduled to attempt recruiting with the football team with the permission of Coach Deuce. He's a bit of a goober, but had a decent heart, you suppose. You make your way to the locker room in which they reside to take showers and do other sweaty man things.<p>

==» Dad: Enter the land of sweat and high school boys


	120. Dad: Enter the land of sweat

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dad: Enter the land of sweat and high school boys

* * *

><p>You enter the land of sweat and high school boys. Your large nose provides you ample opportunity to inhale the musk of at least thirty high school boys. You greatly regret the presence of this opportunity and your inability to deny it. Despite this you remain amiable as you step into a side area with a white board. You set down your clip board and pick up an expo marker.<p>

Coach Clubs Deuces, fumbling around, announces your presence. You nod to him and begin to draw on the board as trolls and humans of many shapes and sizes watch you. When you're done you've sketched a graph. After doing market research, you found language that more effectively communicated with the target demographic.

The y axis is labeled "bitches", the x axis "glee". It is an upward curve with a positive slope. A few eyebrows raise, but no other reaction is made apparent. You can see the Strider boy in the back, arms crossed, shaking his head. Next to him that troll that you always saw travel with him and a couple of other trolls and companions. Then there was the robot girl. You're not sure why she goes to school. Or why she's on the football team. You don't really worry about that.

You gesture to the white board once again, inquiring about the party's interest in joining glee club. Some of the jocks laughed whilst others scoffed. A select few thought it appropriate to make farting noises. You cross your arms.

So this is how it's going to be.

¡Qué lastima!

==» Dad: Leave

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; CHRONOLOGY? LOLWUTISTHAT.**


	121. Dad: Leave

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or mspa.**_

==» Dad: Leave

* * *

><p>You leave, disappointed with the turn out being far less than your estimate. You were sure your graph would create compelling material, but you suppose you underestimated the lowness of Glee Club on the echeladder hierarchy of Skaia High School. Confound these shallow high school children. You suppose there is nothing more to do, so you begin to make your way out.<p>

"Oh!" a high voice gasps as you turn a corner, you bump into someone. Saying your pardons, you look up and see it is none other than the lovely Ms. Lalonde. She appears no less wobbly than your last encounter, however she also appears convincingly in control. "Well hello there Mr. Eggblurt... Egweirt... Egblerp-Whatever. Sorry for running into you." she says. You shake your head, no ma'm, I'm the one at fault, you say.

You tell her that you were lost in thought over a predicament and how you're not sure what the choice solution for alleviating the problem would be given your limited options.

"I know how that feeling is." she tells you, "You just have to be president... presistant, _persistent_, that's the word. Yes, be that." she says. With that she trots off, her heels clicking.

Despite the state of inebriation apparent in Ms. Lalonde's demeanor, you still find the woman oddly charming. You also decide that she is right. You ought to persist, you go to write down this key word, but alas! You forgot to pick up your clip-board on your way out of the locker room!

==» Dad: Retrieve clip board


	122. Dad: Retrive clipboard

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or mspa.**_

==» Dad: Retrieve clip board

* * *

><p>You make your way back to the locker room which is most likely vacant at this time.<p>

...Do you hear something?

==» Dave: Sing your heart out while nobody's around


	123. Dave: Sing your heart out

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do. Not. Own. Glee. or. MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Sing your heart out while nobody's around

* * *

><p>You are Dave Strider.<p>

You're the coolest kid in all of Skaia High, and every single student up in this bitch knows that. You were raised on cool. You live, breathe, sleep, and eat irony. There is nobody out there who can even come close to your rung on the echeladder hierarchy of Skaia High school. You wear Ben Stiller's Aviators from Starsky and Hutch, _all the time_. Night time, day time, shower time, any time. You are the physical embodiment of all that is cool.

You are _Dave Strider._

And you love singing.

You can't help it. You can't just un-love something that you're kind of awesome at whilst you dig it deeper than a fracking job. It just doesn't fly like that. But, you'd never tell any of your SUPER COOL friends that. That would severely ruin your carefully built position in this school.

That's why you wait until every single body is gone. That's your time. That's when you're center stage and nobody can tell you you're lame or that you suck or to stop it. It's just you.

You step into the shower and start the nozzle. That's all you need as background music. Just water hitting the tile.

_I can't fight this feeling any longer_

_And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow_

_What started out as friendship_

_has grown stronger_

_I only wish I had the strength to let it show_

_I tell myself that I can't hold out forever_

_I say there is no reason for my fear..._

_Cause I feel so secure when we're together..._

_You give my life direction_

_You make everything so clear_

_And even as I wander_

_I'm keeping you site_

_You're a candle in the window on cold, dark winter's night_

_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might..._

_I can't fight this feeling anymore!_

_I've forgotten what I've started fighting for!_

_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_

_And throw away the oars forever_

_Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore!_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_And if I have to crawl upon the floor_

_Come crashing through the door_

_I can't fight this feeling anymo-_

*Thud!*

All things halt. Everything freezes. You still every part of your body, like if you move you'll be seen. Then you look around cautiously. Not a single person in sight. You listen to nothing other than the sound of the shower and your own breathing for a couple more minutes before getting out of the shower. Looking around once more, there is still nobody. Not a single person.

Something catches your eye. Or rather, the lack of something. You remember a clipboard sitting on the edge of a bench before. But its gone now. You still feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins, like something's going to jump out at you Silent Hill style, but nothing ever does.

You leave as quickly as possible.

==»


	124. Continua

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or mspa or any of the songs within.**_

==»

* * *

><p>It is the next morning.<p>

Things have gone rather swimmingly. Or, more particularly, as swimmingly as anything possibly can amongst the collectively vapid mental threshold that is Skaia High School before eight o' clock in the human morning. Kanaya gets thrown into a dumpster, Tavros and Nepeta get slushied, Jade gets patted down for firearms. You gaze into your window, taking a puff of your long drag and blowing it in the general direction of the unfortunate secretary who was dropping documents off on your desk. As you flip through vantage points on your window, you come across a rather dubious looking teacher.

Mr. Egbert ought to be organizing his shoes or shaving, as he usually does this time of the morning. Instead he is waiting outside of the school on the back side, where nobody looks (well, except for you, of course). You are intrigued.

==»


	125. Keeep going

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or mspa.**_

==» 

* * *

><p>You hear the many clocks in your room tick as you continue watching. Mr. Egbert stands there. Why is he just standing outside of your school. You are about to change the vantage point again, but something catches your eye. You see it for the slightest of seconds. A slight blur on the screen. At first you thought it perhaps a smudge, but it was indeed not a smudge, but a blur as you first thought.<p>

==» Principal Snowman: Investigate further


	126. Principal Snowman: Investigate More

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own bluh bluh.**_

==» Principal Snowman: Investigate further

* * *

><p>You pause the video feed and rewind. You go back again, this time slowing time down to one tenth time. Watching in slow motion you still see the blur, but this time you can more greatly distinguish it to be part of a figure. You adjust the speed setting on your window to show things at one hundredth of its original speed. That's when you see it.<p>

A tall figure donning a hat and anime shades handed something illicit to Mr. Egbert in the secret. Something that could get someone in trouble if caught with it. You give the man credit, you didn't think Egbert had any fragment of manipulative darkness within him, but you suppose you were wrong.

You press the call button for your clumsy secretary. You ask, "Did that man," you point to the screen, "Ask for the contact information of any guardians recently?". The secretary fidgets a little and nods, affirming your suspicion. You shoo the secretary away and look at the screen again.

"Manipulative and potentially damaging plots to bait someone into doing what you want?" you ponder aloud whilst taking another inhalation of your long drag.

"I'll allow it."

And with that, you press the button on your remote and turn your window off.

==»Dad: Plant the illicit article


	127. Dad: Plant the illicit item

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dad: Plant illicit article

You already did.

Or, namely, someone else did.

Being an iconic figure of authority who lacks speed and stealth, there was no possible way you could have accomplished that leg of your mission with your own hands. You were more than happy to delegate the matter.

At first you were not sure if contacting Mr. Strider was a good idea, but you opted to let Mr. Strider know that you were going to plunge his younger brother into a potentially ruining and manipulative plot to compel him to join glee club for the sake of your son. Dirk took it rather well. As a matter of fact, you don't recall ever calculating the possibility of his enthusiasm into the equation of your plot.

Upon laying out the details of your plan to Mr. Strider via phone conference, he not only was okay with the decision, but avidly supported it for reasons he never mentioned. Though you're not sure what that says about Dirk's character, he seemed to care greatly for his little "bro" and surely has Dave's best interests at heart.

And so you can walk to your classroom happy that there is only one phase left for your plan.

==» Meanwhile, somewhere else


	128. Meanwhile be somewhere else

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or MSPA.**_

==» Meanwhile, somewhere else

* * *

><p>Oh dear god you can't stop laughing jegus christ. If Dave ever finds you took part in this, out he's gonna kill you. But jegus it's so funny. You <em>wish <em>you could see the look on his face when he's busted. Oh gog. Your ribs burn with excruciating pain from all of the laughing you've done. Oh gog, he's gonna be _so pissed_. You never got why that kid couldn't just be open and chill about loving singing. Though you've shared similar hidden agendas and inhibitions in your days, you always found Dave's frivolous. Ouch your stomach aches. You know that he'll be happier, whether he'll realize it at the beginning or not.

Oh my gog you can't wait 'til he gets home tonight. This is gonna be so good. Gog you can't stop laughing. Ouch your face hurts.

==» Later, at school: Be Dave Strider


	129. Later at school be Dave

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own mspa or glee.**_

==» Later, at school: Be Dave Strider

* * *

><p>You are now Dave Strider, and you're in a shit situation. No, actually, you're quite sure shit has found itself in much better situations than you are currently in. As a matter of fact, the more you contemplate it, the more you think of how much you'd rather be squeezed out of some random animal's ass than the situation you are in.<p>

You don't know how the fuck this happened or how in the name of fuck one of your bro's puppets got in your locker but jegus christ you're not happy.

You're sitting across from Mr. Egbert, the Spanish teacher, and Ms. Lalonde, the guidance counselor, in the guidance office. Mr. Egbert is giving a stern, paternal look that says "Son, I'm disappointed in you." even though you are most certainly not his son. Ms. Lalonde is sipping a martini daintily and going between not so subtly eying Mr. Egbert and looking at you and trying not to laugh at the profane article on the desk.

Between you and the authority figures is a large, plush rump. Someway, somehow, somebody planted a plush rumped bright orange Smuppet in your locker.

"Well, what do you ahve... have to say about this, Mr. Strider." asks Ms. Lalonde.

You remain silent.

"Do you recognize this?" she asks. You remain pokerfaced, like hell is anybody penetrating your facade.

"Listen Dove... Derve... _Dave_. Right. Anyways, listen, Smuppets are... illegal contraband at Skaia High School. And here it was. Found. In your locker. Do you have anything to explanate... explerate... explaei... whatever." she tells you.

You speak, "I don't know how that got in my locker. I never-"

"I am sorry, but that is contrary to the evidence presented by our random bi-weekly locker searchea." Mr. Egbert said out of the proverbial blue. You wonder if they're trying to go for a stoic cop/drunk cop act. The worse part is, you're not entirely sure that it's not working. Silence occurs once again.

Ms. Lalonde talks again,"Err... Well, then. Bottom line, as sad as it is that you supposably...supposedly haven't seen this before, it was found in your locker and-"

"Aaanyway," Ms. Lalonde continues, "Since Mr. Egbert made this discovery, he came up with an alternative to the situation. You could either take detention every day for the rest of the yar... year, orrr, you could join Glee club and this allll disappereats, diserearpets, _whatever_."

Wait. What?

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

You can't even deal. You ponder every day detention, it would look terrible on an application. But Glee would look terrible in the hallways. But then again what would bro do to you if you had to go home and tell him that you had detention every day. He'd probably cut you into pieces and feed the pieces to Li'l Cal for Sunday Brunch.

You shudder at that thought.

"I'll join glee." you say, trying not to let the dread show in your cool kid voice.

You can't believe you're doing this. Say goodbye to being the cool guy. Your life as you know it is officially over.

==» John: Call glee club to order


	130. John: Call Glee Club to order

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**No serieses were owned in the process of making this fanfiction. Please DON'T try this at home unless you are a trained professional douchebag fanfiction writer/group. Sideaffects include lulz, faceplaming, flailing randomly, constipation, elegant balloons, aggressive vomiting, loss of life, increase in shoe size, lack of social life, and squeeing. Please drink responsibly. ((As you can see, we get hella bored sometimes.))**_

==» John: Call glee club to order

* * *

><p>Despite the lack of glee club's authoritative director, you, as his son and unparalleled talent cornerstone of the glee club, are unquestionably in a position of authority amongst your chattering peers. "Hey guys we should probably call this meeting to order. And. Stuff." you say.<p>

It appears that your statement is about 20% absorbed whilst the other 80% is chosen to be utterly ignored. This is unacceptable!

"Guys. Guys?" you continue to attempt retrieving their attention.

"_Guys!_" you holler. Finally their attention is received. Upon reception of their undivided attention you realize you have no fucking idea what the hell you're going to do with it.

==» John: Ask for backup


	131. John: Ask for backup

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee**_

==» John: Ask for backup

After squirming for a bit under inquiring gazes, you decide it best to console in Kanaya for aid in leadership. Out of the group she was probably just a grub's length above Jade on the ladder for all over sanity and sensibility. You walk over to Kanaya who had been engaging in some supplementary reading of the borderline trashy variety.

"Hey Kanaya can you help me maybe, uh, I dunno plan order or something?" you ask. Damn, you really _aren't _cut out for leadership much, are you? You couldn't even ask that question with proper syntax. Kanaya places a marker in her tome and stood up to speak with you about the day's agenda.

You discover Kanaya has a rather strong knack for intellegent planning and organization. This benefits you greatly because you're kind of a fucking scatterbrained dildohead sometimes.

==» Kanaya: Go over today's agenda


	132. Kanaya: Go over the agenda

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own MSPA or Glee**_

==» Kanaya: Go over today's agenda

* * *

><p>You are now darling Kanaya. You stand front and center with John at your side. Fellow members of glee watch the pair of you twos with expectancy. You also notice the burning ogle of the pianist as well.<p>

When in Prospit did he get here?

A soft ahem later, you begin,"Mr. Egbert is absent today and shall return later. Until then we are given permission to continue placement of auditions in the supervision and musical expertise of... Er... The pianist." he tips his bowler hat at that remark.

"So I suppose we ought to continue where we left off. Nepeta or John, which one of you wishes to audition first for today?" you ask. The two exchange glances and shrug mutually.

After another moment of odd hand gestures that somehow represent communication of some caliber Nepeta trots to the center and lovingly shoves the two of yous out of the way.

She nods to the pianist who by some lotus-laden-god given powers somehow knows precisely what she implies.

==» Nepeta: Sing your audition


	133. Nepeta: Sing your audition

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do. Not. Own. Serieses.**_

==» Nepeta: Sing your audition

* * *

><p>The pianist plays chord and you are no longer Nepeta Leijon. You are AC, the fearless cat huntress superstar.<p>

==» AC: Look down dramatically with angst


	134. AC: Look down with angst

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1 **

**Season 1**

_**Don 't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» AC: Look down dramatically with angst

* * *

><p>You do just that, looking down as the rock band prepares to follow your cue.<p>

When did the rock band get here?

==» AC: Nevermind that, sing!


	135. AC: Nevermind that, sing!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA. Or Black Cat by Mayday Parade.**_

==» AC: Nevermind that, sing!

* * *

><p>You look up again and begin;<p>

_Close up camera one._

_The hero sings in this scene_

_The boy that gets the girl gets to go home where they get married_

_But stop the tape_

_The sunset still looks fake to me_

_The hero looks like he can't breathe_

_The damsel just left everything..._

_You're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks_

_And you're gonna burn the city down right now_

_Whoa, whoa!_

_You're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks_

_And you're gonna burn the city down right now_

_Whoa, whoa!_

AC continues to feel the heavy bass and moving riffs of the guitar surge through her. She continues, feeling energized.

_Oh, close up Camera Two_

_'Cause the hero dies in this scene_

_Your inspiration is the loss_

_of absolutely everything_

_ANd flashback on the girl_

_As we montage every memory,_

_And we bleed out in the bathroom sink_

_And we found at as the soundtrack sings..._

_You're like a **black cat** with a black back pack full of fireworks_

_And you're gonna burn the city down right now_

_Whoa, whoa_

_You're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks_

_And you're gonna burn the city down right now_

_Whoa, whoa_

The music gets real low now, AC feels acid rise in her voice and emanates the sinister enigma of the song.

_She said get your hands off of my star_

_It's not your part but all your fault_

_And this jealous actress has a habit_

_Of making things sound way too tragic_

_Get your hands off of my star_

_It's not your part but all your fault_

_And this jealous actress has a habit_

_Of making things way too tragic._

The guitarist takes this liberty to go onto a sicknasty solo as AC continues,

_And this jealous actress has a habit_

_Of making things sound way too tragic!_

_You're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks_

_And you're gonna burn the city down right now_

_Whoa, whoa_

_You're like a black cat with a black back pack full of fireworks_

_And you're gonna burn the city down right now!_

_And this jealous actress has a habit_

_Whoa!_

The band finishes it off with a snazzy flair as AC throws her hands up in the air for the last measure.

==» Be Nepeta again

**A/N: Ren says; We figured that this song would suit Nepeta more. Being about a cat. Well, having the word cat in it. Anyways her parallel is supposedly a bit more on the darkly side.**


	136. Be Nepeta again

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own GLEE or MSPA.**_

==» Be Nepeta again

* * *

><p>You are once again Nepeta Leijon. You can see the lot of the music crew giving you enthused applause, from Egbert to the ogling pianist and the enigmatically apparating rock accompaniment band. You can't help but don a wide smile. Music is so invigorating to you!<p>

You then take liberty to pounce upon you adorable boyfriend, Tavros Nitram!

"Uh, Nepeta, why does this have to happ-pen after every number?" he whines, though not resisting your snuggles.

The pianist pens down some notes on a random piece of paper that you suppose he retrieved from his hat or something.

"Alright, I did meowsome! Last one for the day, your turn, Egpurrt!" you tell him.

==» John: Your turn!


	137. John: Your turn!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: Your turn!

* * *

><p>Finally the pinnacle moment in your sophomore glee career, your audition! This will be a perfect memory to reminisce upon when you're singing alongside Bill Murray in Ghostbusters: The Musical on the stage of Broadway. (It's going to happen. Just wait.)<p>

The residents of the music room look upon you excitedly. They know you're talented (it is a fact you have no problem flexing formidably in public or private areas of varied arrays). Though none of them want to admit it, they have been waiting for this for the past few days of glee.

You wish your father could be here to see the launch of your soon to be lucrative and hella sweet music career, but it's not like he's never heard your pulchtrudinous intonations.

==» John: Sing your song


	138. John: Sing your Song

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA**_

==» John: Sing your song

* * *

><p>You take a deep breath as the pianist plays the first few bars of accompaniment. You don't ever recall telling him what you planned to sing. You decide not to dwell on this and focus on your song.<p>

_On my own_

_Pretending he's beside me_

_All alone_

_I walk with him 'til morning_

_Without him_

_I feel his arms around me_

_And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me_

_In the darkness_

_The pavement shines like silver..._

==» Dave: Get your sorry ass escorted to the sorry music room


	139. Dave: Get your sorry ass escorted

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MPSA.**_

==» Dave: Get your sorry ass escorted to the sorry music room

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, walking down the hall is none other than your badass sexy self, Dave Strider.<p>

Or perhaps you ought to call yourself the Formerly Badass Coolkid Dave Strider. Though you would never show an ounce of it externally, above all you are distraught over the fact that you even harbor feelings within the quadrant of _conflicting_. You would love nothing more than to dedicate 100% of your brain: id, ego, and superego in all, to completely despising every uncool element in this compound of suckitude.

But there is, maybe perhaps a single, tiny, fragmented part of you that actually _longs _for this.

Holy shit that sounded like a line out of a Nora Roberts novel. Holy shit why do you even know who that _is_?

Mr. Egbert trails behind as you near the dreaded music room. You put on poker face #18, the ever so slightly condescending "I can't believe how above this shit I am." look as you near the portal of descension.

==» Dave: What's that noise?


	140. Dave: What's that noise?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own the Glee and MSPA.**_

==» Dave: What's that noise?

* * *

><p>Your fly musings are interrupted by the infiltration of a beautiful sound into your inner ear. You can't really think of words to describe it to the t, but for propriety's sake, you would say it was comparable to a honeybadger riding a tap-dancing narwal that's wearing John Lennon shades whilst windgliding along an ocean of butter and honey during the month of July through the streets of Prospit.<p>

That is to say, it is beautiful.

==» Dave: Peer into the entrance of the land of faggotry and beautiful music


	141. Enter the land of faggotry

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Peer into the entrance of the land of faggotry and beautiful music

* * *

><p>You make haste in reaching your destination while making an effort to look as uninterested as possible and not like up just heard the most fucking profound divine angelic thing ever could possibly look.<p>

You peer into the doorway. Stealthily at first, but then you realize these dweebs are completely absorbed in a completely different spectacle.

And with reason.

You slowly enter the threshold unnoticed. You slip in just enough to see the source of seraphic beauty and your mouth, for just a moment, a moment so brief only a video recording slowed down to one hundreth of original speed could catch it, you let out a faint gasp. Of course when you recount this memory you'll never, ever admit this to even yourself.

==» John: Finish the song


	142. John: Finish the song

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: Finish the song

* * *

><p>Finish the song? You weren't aware there was any kind of intermission, however you continue since you are mid-verse in mid-song.<p>

_...All of the lights_

_Are misty in the river_

_In the darkness_

_The trees are full of starlight_

_And all I see is me and him forever and forever_

_And I know, it's only in my mind_

_That I'm talking to myself, and not to him_

Catharsis seeps through your song, your voice shakes a bit, but you don't notice, lost in the music.

_And all though, I know that he is bliiind_

_Still I say, there's a way for us!_

_I love him, but when the night is over_

_He is gone_

_The river's just a river_

_Without him_

_The world around me changes_

_The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers!_

_I love him, but every day I'm learing_

_All my life, I've only been pretendiiing!_

_Without me, his world will go on turning_

_A world that's full of happiness_

_That I have never knooooooooooooooooooooowwn!_

You belt that last note, and let the room sit in just a moment of silence to absorb its splendoriffic sound. The pianist picks up again, slowly, for the end.

_I love him._

_I love him._

_I... love him._

_But only on... my ooown._

The pianist plays a last chord and the room remains dead quiet for another seemingly eternal moment.

==» TN, KM, JH, NL, and Pianist: Lose your shit


	143. Lose your shit

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA or Le Mis for that matter.**_

==» TN, KM, JH, NL, and Pianist: Lose your shit

* * *

><p>You collectively lose your shit in a frenzy of violent applause.<p>

The merriment abruptly ceases upon the sight of an aloof newcomer!

==» Dave: You've been detected !


	144. You've been detected

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: You've been detected !

* * *

><p>The awkward silence following what perhaps was one of the most PROFOUNDLY MOVING SONGS EVER brought your presence to the attention of the them that you are now a part of whether or not you like it.<p>

The most disconcerting is the ogle of the pianist.

The gleeks both openly and blankly stare at you in a kind of discomforting mix of awe and gastric discomfort. If you were one prone to displaying exterior emotion you would probably frown at this point in time.

Despite your far reaching near omniscient powers of coolness, now no amount of awesome could possibly surpass the awkwardness that seems to have ionically compounded itself with every adjacent atom present in the space.

Mr. Egbert finally moseys his way the fuck on in like he is just coming home from the most damn dazzling Sunday brunch stroll he's ever had the privilege to saunter along in his life.

Well, shit.

Ms. Lalonde takes the liberty to teeter the fuck on in behind Egbert like she was just coming home from the most damn shitfucking canonicaly insane Saturday night party she's ever had the privilege to stumble out of in her life.

Regaining equilibrium, she walks over to you and pats you on the shoulder.

"Hi erbun... erywuol... earlyoel... _whatever. _You may know Mr. Strider as the quatrainbeck... quarterback, of Skaia High School. Howver, after a mildly tragic, arkward... awkward, and historical... hysterical turn of events, he will be joining the honorable collective of glee." she says.

Still silence.

And then, "Sssssssssssssooooooo, why don't we wecleocm... werkholm... welcome our new member?" she insists, giving a polite applause which eventually inspires reluctant applause and welcomes from the heap of nerds flopped about before you.

==» Dave: Revel in the disaster of a new membership


	145. Dave: Revel in the disaster

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Dave: Revel in the disaster of a new membership

* * *

><p>You do just that, reveling in the torrential failure emanating from your situation.<p>

You're just lucky that no matter who you surround yourself with your swag remains at levels that are simultaneously bananas and through the roof.

==» Let's fast forward to the next morning because this shit is kind of ridiculous


	146. Let's fast forward cuz this is ridic

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Let's fast forward to the next morning because this shit is kind of ridiculous

* * *

><p>It is once again the next morning. Shit goes like it's supposed to. Kanaya gets thrown into a dumpster, slushies fly with the great fervor of freed doves, and Mr. Egbert shares an enigmatically fiery glance with Ms. Lalonde. It's great.<p>

==» FF: Be in glee club


	147. FF: Be in glee club

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee, or MSPA or Grease!**_

==» Be in glee club

* * *

><p>Once again you find yourself in glee club due to more impatience on the writer's part. Jesus christ, the choppy, haphazard matter of fast forwarding through time at your convenience becoming ridiculous.<p>

==» Cease your infernal whining


	148. Cease your infernal whining

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA or Grease.**_

==» Cease your infernal whining

* * *

><p>Oh my worshipped superhuman being and or deity you are not starting with me.<p>

==» Let's please not do this and sing instead


	149. Let's sing instead

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA or Grease. Dammit.**_

==» Let's please not do this and sing instead

* * *

><p>Whatever. Fine.<p>

==» John and Dave: Sing an unintentionally homosexual song

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ren says; Did we ever mention the heaps of unintended homosexuality? Then again this is Homestuck we're talking about. So, how is that even a thing?  
><strong>


	150. Sing an unintentionally homosexual song

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee or Grease.**_

==» John and Dave: Sing an unintentionally homosexual song

* * *

><p>The nervous pianist plays a catchy diddy on the piano on the stage of the auditorium which you are now in. John and Dave begin singing a particularly moving number.<p>

Dave sings,

_I got chills_

_They're multiplyin'_

_And I'm loosing control_

_Cause the power you're supplying_

_It's electrifying!_

John fumbles the sheet music nervously, "Uh, Dad, do I really have to sing this?"

One stern, blank look from his father informs John that he is required to go through with this despite the lardacious campiness of the song.

He sighs and sings while the glee club backs him up, confidence floods him as he gets into character

_You better shape up (doot doot doo!)_

_Cause I need a man_

John struts forward, his hips moving in a borderline shameful way. He glides behind the line of gleeks singing.

_But my heart is set on you! (And my heart is set on you!)_

John twirls in front of Kanaya, not so gently molesting the front of her face by running his hand not so gently down it.

_You better shape up_

John decides this is a good time to swipe his hands across Nepeta's bosoms. Don't ask, just go with it.

_You better understaand!_

At this line John sends poor Tavros reeling forward, nearly rolling off of the stage.

_To my heart I must be truee!_

The two join together in a riveting harmony of volcanic proportions.

_Nothing left for me to do!_

John finally grabs Dave's arm for the epic finale and the two ensue in a dance almost as shameful as Mr. Egbert's hat. _Almost._

_You're the one that I want!_

_(You are the one I want!)_

_Hoo Hoo hoo!_

_You're the one that I want, you are the one I w_

==» Jade: Oh HELL to the no!


	151. Jade: Oh HELL to the NO

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee or Grease.**_

==» Jade: Oh HELL to the no!

* * *

><p>"Oh <em>hell to the <em>no!" you yell, causing the number to rapidly abscond in an uncharacteristic fit of rage.

Your fellow glee clubbers eye you with thunderstruck surprise.

You kindly elaborate, "I'm not really fond of this background singing stuff!" you try to sound as un-upset as possible, "I'm _Problem Sleuth_, I am no Ace Dick!" you say, crossing your arms, a small frown on your face. A few nods accompany your inquiry. Mr. Egbert nods stiffly, the notion duly noted.

==» Dad: Duly note


	152. Dad: Duly note

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Duly note

* * *

><p>As glee club director you duly note Jade's remark. You glance at your watch. Look at the time! It appears that glee club's alloted time slot is done. You gesture for your singers to leave as you have business to attend to.<p>

==» Dad: Attend to your business


	153. Dad: Attend to your business

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Attend to your business

* * *

><p>You decide to call attention to your orders of business. You pull out your SBS, or Serious Business System, the ideal smart phone for any gent of your caliber who wishes to abscond from the tomfoolerific hijinks of normal fun fueled smart phones. You open your aptly named Objective List. It reads as follows:<p>

1. Procure fellow chaperone for surprise field trip to observe rival glee club who will be competed against at a future date (not yet determined)

You set off to do that, but wait! It appears that you are receiving chat messages.

==» Dad: Answer message


	154. Dad: Answer the message

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Answer message

* * *

><p>You open the Serious Business messenger to see who is inquiring request of conversation.<p>

- pipefan413 began chatting with fedorafreak at XX:XX -

pipefan413: Excuse me, son!

pipefan413: How fares your times as spanish teacher?

fedorafreak: times fare both taxing and stimulating mentally. we recently acquired a new and valuable male addition to the glee club much to our jubilation.

pipefan413: Hoo hoo! Jolly good!

pipefan413: And Johnny? How has my grandbaby been? :)

fedorafreak: ...

fedorafreak: from what i can observe john's times have been formidably difficult. high school proves an arduous foe.

fedorafreak: however due to my current position i am afraid i harbor little power to improve the situation substantially.

pipefan413: Oh my. :(

pipefan413: Be careful, dear. I've heard about more mass firings in public schools.

fedorafreak: ...

pipefan413: I'm sure your instruction in the matters of español are more than sufficient! ;)

pipefan413: But schools are cutting corners. The government isn't helping much either. :(

pipefan413: Are you sure you wouldn't rather return to your more secure job as a businessperson?

fedorafreak: ...

fedorafreak: i will take into consideration your thoughtful words. at the moment nothing quite stirs me to change my career back. i believe if my niche is carved just so i could provide aid to this school and these kids.

fedorafreak: perhaps my livelihood would not assist the masses. but if i believe being able to improve the lives of at least the few children of glee club, if only by one notch on the atomic scale, it would make my stay at the public education institution worth while. especially john.

pipefan413: Hoo hoo! What am I doing worrying! Your heart is in the right place!

pipefan413: Oh dear, I need to go now! Mr. Kingpin is pulling into his driveway and I rigged his mailbox with pudding grenades again! Hoo hoo! He'll never know what hit him when he checks for his issue of The Monthly Rump!

fedorafreak: ...

fedorafreak: mother that is silly

pipefan413: Lighten up! If his infernal yappy dog didn't insist on leaving presents in my yard this whole combustive pudding ordeal could be wholly avoided.

pipefan413: Bye darling!

-pipefan413 ceased chatting with fedorafreak-

You scratch your head. Your mother is a colorful woman, that is certain.

==» Dad: Back to business

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; We're aware that pipefan413 is supposed to be Dad's username, but for the sake of chatting we figured we'd just make it hers, so yeah. Also even though Jane is Nanna, we kind of give Nanna more of our own headcannony kind of personality than one directly Jane-ish (after all Nanna is a lot older). In our brains she's an active old woman who is a great prankster and loves her babies so much.**


	155. Dad: Back to Business

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Back to business

* * *

><p>You return to your previous business. You need to enlist another teacher to chaperone with you on the upcoming SURPRISE FIELD TRIP to observe your rivals in the upcoming competitive circuit of show choir.<p>

You go to the teacher's lounge and tape a neatly typed paper:

**SIGN UP FOR GLEE FIELD TRIP CHAPERONING**

It says, blank lines following underneath.

==» Mom: Sign up to chaperone with that roguish devil Egbert


	156. Sign up to chaperone with that rogue

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Mom: Sign up to chaperone with that roguish devil Egbert

* * *

><p>At a later time in the day you are now Mom. Also, you have royally fucked up. Up's bottom is sore from the thorough fucking you have given it because that's how hard up had been fucked.<p>

You're not sure what happened, but you remember looking at the clock to see the digits saying 2:32, just a few minutes after the bell rings to let the students out. After that, you vaguely recall mixing yourself a zombie from the smorgasbord of alcohol you often have on store in your office, and then it gets dark.

Whatever got you from point A being then to point B, being 5:20 and about two and a half hours late from picking your daughter up from her fancy private school, you're not quite sure. You are sure, however, that you are tragically sober.

You walk out of your office just in time to see one Mr. Egbert shuffling out of the teacher's lounge. You glance in the door to see a bright green paper on a nearby bulletin board asking for fellow teachers to accompany him on a Saturday field trip for glee club.

Obviously you must sign up.

So you do, your swirly, drunken cursive script.

==» FF: Next morning, be Dave


	157. Next morning: Be Dave

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee**_

==» FF: Next morning, be Dave

* * *

><p>You are now Dave Strider and it is the next morning. Shit's been beyond weird since you joined glee club. You can't really explain the weird primordial soup that is your brains. On one side, if your membership of glee is revealed, years of not only yours, but your Bro's hard work on perfecting the fine, delicate art of cool could very well be going down the tubes with last night's drunken victories. On the other side, you... Kinda... Maybe... A bit... Unironically enjoy it.<p>

There. You said it. You enjoy singing and there is nothing ironic about it.

Shit is _so _messed up.

Sure sicknasty rap battles of earthquaking proportions are one thing, but singing and dancing showtunes and shit? Not. Cool.

You can't believe just a few days ago your head was all up and fucking straight, you walked around assured at your levels of undeniable awesome. But now. _Now_. Shit's different. Even if they don't know, you feel different. It's fucking warped.

And that's not even mentioning your Bro.

The first time you walked into your apartment post-glee your Bro couldn't even lift his sword because he was to busy bustin' his fucking chops on the floor like he just saw twenty thousand silly cat videos in the span of a second upon your entrance.

But despite all this you still keep your cool.

'Cause you're fucking Dave Strider and the day you stop being cool is the day you die an epic slow motion movie death.

You exit your vehicle and start across the parking lot for your day.

==» Dave: Walk through the parking lot


	158. Dave: Go through parking lot

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Go through the parking lot

* * *

><p>You walk out and your worries dissolve like alka seltzer in a fat glass of water. <em>Cool <em>water. You give the ladies nods and the bros high fives. It's all chill up in this mother fuckin' parking lot.

Suddenly a beep sound comes from your pocket.

Shit, what is this? Looks like a message.

==» Dave: Read message


	159. Dave: Read the message

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Read message

* * *

><p>You open the message.<p>

- ectoBiologist messaged turntechGodhead -

EB: hey dave. uh. sorry to disturb but just wanted to let you know

EB: guess there's something planned for glee on saturday

EB: so yeah.

EB: my dad wanted me to tell you that.

TG: sorry bro no can do

TG: got football practice

EB: yeah, my dad told me.

EB: he said he thought you would say that

EB: he told me that if you said that to say

EB: you need to come unless you want strings to be cut

EB: like a puppet left limp

EB: whatever in alternia that means :\

TG: shit

TG: shit bro

TG: your padres got some wicked tricks up his sleeve

TG: fine tell him i'll go

- turntechGodhead ceased messaging ectoBiologist -

Dammit. Mr. Egbert's got the smuppet edge. You find it both dirty and incredibly political of him.

Well played, Sr. Ebgert, well played.

"Hey, Strider! Wwhat's up?" a voice calls.

You shove the device into your pocket before your best bud can see it.

==» Who's voice is that?


	160. Whose voice is that?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Glee and MSPA don't belong to us.**_

==» Who's voice is that?

* * *

><p>Who indeed? Well we've put this off long enough, why don't we finally introduce this football playing, allover kind of a scumbag troll from who we've not heard already in a formal manner?<p>

==» Be the football playing scumbag


	161. Be the Scumbag

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**We don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Be the football playing scumbag

* * *

><p>You are now the football playing scumbag. You are on the top of the echeladder due to your position on the football team. You are a self proclaimed badass and are known around the school for organizing troupes of footballers to inflict physical harm on other students. You always wear your football Jersey or letter jacket and never leave the house without donning your blue striped scarf.<p>

You think all land loving lowbloods deserve to be piled into trenches and set on fire, but it's not really a big thing. You especially enjoy throwing frozen delights into the faces of any losers who cross your way. Your best friend is Dave Strider and you often wonder why since you two have literally nothing in common except for football.

==» Enter name.


	162. Enter Name of Scumbag

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Enter name.

* * *

><p>Of course you are none other than Skaia High's notorious Eridan Ampora. Who the fuck else would you be?<p>

You were just inquiring about the status of your best bud, Dave Strider, resident cool seacucumber of the school.

"Sup Ampora?" he greets you.

You sniff, "Just dunked a few lowlings into the garbage heap. I love the smell of inferior humiliation in the morning." you say. Dave nods as you two begin your walk toward the glorious gates of high school.

"Hey, you! Yeah. Out of our way." you demand as you see some lingering fool in a wheelchair rolling about like an idiot. As you continue walking, he ceases moving.

"Bro, he's probably got some shit up in his wheels." Dave remarks, his calm the perfect contrast to your constant state of flusterment.

"I can _help _with that." you say, advancing upon the crippled kid and giving the chair a swift kick. The wheels don't roll, but the chair moves.

Or, more correctly, falls the fuck over.

Serves him right, gimping around in a public area. You think you see Dave give a sideways glance at the kid, but it's probably superiority and not pity that warrants it. Yup, life sure is good being at the top of the school food chain.

"So, uh, Dave, wwhat's good?" you ask. Dave shrugs, "Nothing. Everything. Don't even know man. Got in another fight with my bro this morning. Douche sliced up a few mix tapes in the process. Not dope, bro. Not. Dope." he remarks with barely-there dejection.

"Ouch. My Lusus stomped on some of my wwands this morning as well. Not at all "dope". " you tell him.

"But at least it is Friday." you continue, "Too bad there's football tomorroww morning. Ugh. Hopefully wwe wwon't have to run laps wwith ironic busts tied to us..." you muse.

Dave suddenly absconds, "Yeah, bro. I always feel real nervous when I've got the weight of Ben Stiller on my shoulders, dude, I gotta go peace."

And with that your bro disappeared for some weird reason.

But, what's that? It looks like Dave dropped something.

==» Eridan: Pick up the object


	163. Eridan: Pick up the object

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Eridan: Pick up the object

* * *

><p>You pick up the object. It appears to be Dave's phone. You figure you best get this back to him.<p>

But wait, what's that on the screen?

==» Eridan: Read chat log


	164. Eridan: Read chat log

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Glee and MSPA do not belong to us.**_

==» Eridan: Read chat log

* * *

><p>You can't help but snoop on the incredibly enigmatic and out of place messages blaring right at you from the screen of your friend's fancy phone.<p>

You begin reading,

- ectoBiologist messaged turntechGodhead -

EB: hey dave. uh. sorry to disturb but just wanted to let you know

EB: guess there's something planned for glee on saturday

EB: so yeah.

EB: my dad wanted me to tell you that.

TG: sorry bro no can do

TG: got football practice

EB: yeah, my dad told me.

EB: he said he thought you would say that

EB: he told me that if you said that to say

EB: you need to come unless you want strings to be cut

EB: like a puppet left limp

EB: whatever in alternia that means :\

TG: shit

TG: shit bro

TG: your padres got some wicked tricks up his sleeve

TG: fine tell him i'll go

- turntechGodhead ceased messaging ectoBiologist -

This development confounds you. Egdork couldn't possibly be pestering the right Dave. There has to be some mistake. There's no way your choice bro, on top of the echeladder of awesome in Skaia High, would possibly stoop to the level of mudbloods and freaks. Would he?

==» Dave: Inform Coach Deuces of your Saturday absence


	165. Dave: Inform coach of absence

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Inform Coach Deuces of your Saturday absence

* * *

><p>You are once again Dave and Coach Deuces is not thrilled about the impending absence of his star quarterback. Them's the breaks, you say, you've got things to do, you say, but he's not having it. You jam your hands into your pockets, prepared to make an aloof coolguy exit, but are unexpectedly alarmed to discover the absence of your phone.<p>

Shit.

_Shit._

_Shit. shit. shit._

==» Eridan: Return the phone and inquire about Dave's presence tomorrow


	166. Eridan: Return and Inquire

**Gleestuck **

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Eridan: Return the phone and inquire about Dave's presence tomorrow

* * *

><p>You find your friend outside the locker room. Coach Deuces seems rather distraught. Perhaps he's been informed of Dave's situation? Before thinking anymore (because quite frankly you do very little thinking, if any at all, before going into situations) you go straight into questions.<p>

"Dave. You dropped your mobile device. So, you wwon't be wwith us Saturday?" you say.

Dave looks at you the same way he looks at you all the time. Damn he's good. "Wwhat could be _so _pressing that you would miss mandatory practice tomorrow?" you grill. For a moment you see what you believe is a muscle in the human's neck tense a bit.

"Yeah. Sorry dude, but, my Bro's getting surgery done. He's gonna need my help." Dave said, smooth as butter.

"Really?" you insist, "Surgery? Sounds quite terrible indeed. And wwhat kind of procedure is your "Bro" getting done that would be so detrimental? He's quite an able person, from what I hear." your eyes narrow, ever so slightly.

Dave's expression doesn't change, "He's getting his ovaries removed."

Your eyes narrow more. Perhaps the chat log _was _a mistake.

You have no idea what an ovaries is, but it sounds like something a human doesn't want removed.

You shrug and give your pal one of those weird shoulder slap things that humans give and go to your own affairs.

==» Dave: Breathe


	167. Dave: Breathe

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dave: Breathe

* * *

><p>After Ampora takes his leave and you excuse yourself from your Coach's presence, you breathe. Phew. Thank GPI that trolls know nothing about human anatomy. Or anything aside from destruction and racist hatred. Or maybe that's just your troll friends. Wow, not to self, you need to reconsider your friend circle.<p>

==» FF: Glee field trip on Saturday; load up the bus!


	168. FF Load up the bus

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» FF: Glee field trip on Saturday; load up the bus!

* * *

><p>It is mid Saturday morning and the early sun shines over the six members of Glee club. Nepeta is absentmindedly gnawing on Tavros' neck as he just sits there, anxiousy twiddling his thumbs. Dave stands off to the side watching while Kanaya, Jade, and John debate the fashionability and functionality of a space suit.<p>

Mr. Egbert/Dad stands aside with Ms. Lalonde/Mom.

Principal Snowman was generous enough to pay for a whole bus despite the small number of attendees. (There have been rumors that she took a chunk of the Cheerios personal masseuse fund to rent it.)

The glee club happily loads in, interested in seeing what this surprise trip would yield.

After a short time the gaudy yellow vehicle pulls into another school parking lot and the club unloads.

Mr. Egbert calmly ordered everyone to calm their tits (with much more proper diction, of course) and the club filed into a dark auditorium.

Lights come onto a stage. It looks like a show is about to begin.

==» Glee club: Watch the show


	169. GC: Watch the show

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee or Rehab.**_

==» Glee club: Watch the show

* * *

><p>Ms. Lalonde and Mr. Egbert perched next to each other, one drinking brandy, the other soberly observing. Dave ended up next to John who sat next to Jade who was whispering to Kanaya who had helped Nepeta roll Tavros down. Despite the slight bit of rowdy talk, the glee club seemed to go undetected.<p>

Lights came up and a large, well dressed glee club appeared out of what seemed to be nowhere.

_Ohio, Ohio, Ohio_

The angelic voices synthesized beautifully, even Dave quirked an eyebrow in appreciation. Suddenly the tune picked up,

_They try to make me go to rehab_

_And I say no, no no!_

_I ain't got the time_

_And if my daddy thinks I'm fine_

_They try to make me go to rehab_

_And I say no no no_

The show choir moved in perfect unison, like robots programmed to stimulate charisma and spirit whilst moving in synch to music. Dave was sure the prospect of such a thing would make his bro shed a manly tear.

The girls sang,

_I'd rather be at home with ray_

The guys sang,

_And I don't got seventy days_

_Cuz there's nothing you can teach me_

_I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway!_

_I didn't get a lot in class _

_But I know it don't come in a shot glass _

At this point, the jaws of Skaia high's glee club needed to be collected off of the floor, save for Dave's and Mr. Egberts.

_They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no' _

_Yes I've been bad but when I come back you'll know know know _

_I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine _

_He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go _

_The man said 'why do you think you here' _

_I said 'I got no idea' _

_'I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby _

_So I always keep a bottle near' _

_He said 'I just think your depressed, _

_This me "Yeah, baby, and the rest" _

_They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no' _

_Yes I've been bad but when I come back you'll know know know... _

_I don't never wanna drink again _

_I just ooooh I just need a friend _

_I'm not gonna spend ten weeks _

_Have everyone think I'm on the mend _

_It's not just my pride _

_It's just til these tears have dried _

_They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said 'no no no' _

_Yes I've been bad, but when I come back you'll know know know _

_I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine _

_They tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go!_

==» Glee club: Be astonished


	170. GC: Be astonished

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Glee club: Be astonished

* * *

><p>The glee club needed no prompting to be astonished as the people around them (because apparently there were others watching) stood up for a rousing standing applause.<p>

This was their competition.

They were _fucked_.

==» Glee club: Get your jaws off the floor and return to headquarters


	171. GC: Return to headquarters

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Glee club: Get your jaws off the floor and return to headquarters

* * *

><p>You are now back in the music room, headquarters of the yet unnamed glee club of Skaia High.<p>

It took you a while to get there between collecting your jaws off of the floor and assuaging a particularly clamorous tremble attack on Tavros' part after which the dazed numbers of glee club and a [perpetually] tipsy Ms. Lalonde gracelessly stumbled into the lavish yellow vehicle that eventually toted you all home.

And so sits the glee club in relative silence waiting for some kind of revelational event to come raining down on them like a torrent of flashy meteors.

==» John: Try to reassure the gang


	172. John: Reassure them

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Do not own Glee or MSPA or Happy Meals.**_

==» John: Try to reassure the gang.

* * *

><p>You are now the most obviously talented member of this glee club as perpetually exclaimed exclusively by yourself. Sure the opposition possessed pristine costuming, moving harmony, unparalleled dance steps and robot like endurance all whilst wearing smiles that would make a Trolldonald's Jocular Meal look dim in comparison, and maybe, just <em>maybe <em>they were essentially perfect singing, dancing robots programmed to annihilate competition like some kind of a nuclear bomb was dropped on them and then they were eaten by cockroaches who shat them out in a frenzy of diarrhetic urination who were then-

Jegus, you're not even fooling yourself.

"Uh... Look, guys. I know they may be robotically perfect," you start, "But, we've got... We've got heart." Oh gog you can feel the gorgonzola running through your veins 'cause this shit is cheesy,"We... We have a _reason_ to want this. We're not... programmed. We... We..."

"Suck." Strider finished. You look at him. You try to look menacing, like a brusque _Ghost Rider_ Nic Cage eying the devil before his final duel. You end up looking more like the hopeless dweeb you are.

The other members mumbled in agreement. Suddenly the team erupts into an uproar of shame.

"Did you _see _their dresses!" Kanaya says. "They moved in perfect parallel structure..." Tavros stammers. "Their pitch was perfect..." Jade adds.

_SCREEEEEEECH._

The sound causes all vocalization of any kind to halt as all hands raise to earholes.

==» John: What was that sound!


	173. John: What's that noise?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: What was that noise?

* * *

><p>You look to see the source of the noise. Amongst the shamed exclamations nobody notices the slowly toppling Ms. Lalonde who now rests comfortably in your father's arms. (<em>Awkward!<em>)

However, in the process of her grand fall it appears she clawed at the chalk board causing a prolific scratch to stretch downwards across the conveniently not previously mentioned list of names on the chalk board.

The scratch stretches all the way from "John and the Salamander Sounds" (your suggestion, which didn't harbor much support and down the the last one on the list New Directions.

You and your clubees blinked, ears still generally ringing post-scratch.

You see your father stroking his chin.

He goes up to the board and erases everything on the list, replacing the letters with his neat, sans serif writing: **SCRATCHED DIRECTIONS.**

You look at each other, mostly confused for a moment until realization seeps in.

==» Scratched Directions: Pose like a team 'cause shit just got real


	174. Pose like a team 'cause shit just got

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Scratched Directions: Pose like a team 'cause shit just got real

* * *

><p>Despite the moving notion of having an odd, somewhat flawed yet completely suitable name for the glee club, you collectively don't feel like now is the time for such camaraderie.<p>

==» Dad: Dismiss the Scratched Directions


	175. Dad: Dismiss Scratched Directions

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dad: Dismiss the Scratched Directions

* * *

><p>And with that unsettling development you gesture to the door, signaling that now is the time for your gaggle of gleeks to take their leave.<p>

They each accept the gesture and take their leave accordingly.

Business as usual.

==» FF: Monday morning; Dave: Walk through parking lot


	176. Dave: Walk through parking lot

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» FF: Next Monday morning; Dave: Walk through parking lot

* * *

><p>You are now Dave Strider. You sit in your car for just a minute, reflecting on the warped ass events of your past few days. A smuppet finds its way into your locker, your ass gets grilled and you're faced with the prospect of Glee, aka, social suicide, which you must gladly take with open fucking arms like its a blessing (which it is compared to explaining a year of detention to your Bro). You still remember coming home from school after your first day. Bro was to busy busting his fucking chops on the floor to engage in your usual after school combat banter.<p>

Then Saturday, as if you weren't fucked over enough, provided the supplemental information that Scratched Directions, the haphazard name of the organization, was not only low on the echeladder of Skaia High, but low on the echeladder of show choir in general. That sucker punch hit you way fucking deeper than it should have. It really did. But, whatever.

You wipe your hands down your stoic face. Guess it's time to get down with the morning groove.

You walk out and thing's start out normal. Noncommittal nods are directed towards adoring ladies and fist bumps are exchanged with bros. Seems like shit's zippity-fucking-doo-dah today. Just like it is every other day.

You see your best bro Eridan approach.

"Sup Strider." he greets you. A crowd of other football players stalks behind him. It's not unusual to see Eridan with a posse, but the weird thing was that he hadn't even committed any energy to dunking lowbloods and losers into the dumpsters as was per usual in the morning.

"Wwe have something to show you." he says. You shrug. Last time he told you that he showed you a tower of portapotties that he so graciously gave another football player the honor of knocking down for the purpose of ironic lulz.

Eridan leads you around the back of the school. You stand there for a minute. You find yourself surrounded by large fellow football players with their arms crossed in a circle. It as like you were the nucleus of their atomic powwow.

==» Eridan: Reveal discovery


	177. Eridan: Reveal discovery

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Eridan: Reveal discovery

* * *

><p>A few days earlier you were informed of your best bro Dave's to-be absence on Saturday for practice. He told you it was going to be for some awkward and dire sounding human surgery.<p>

Though you never really gave two shits 'bout the other Strider, upon occasion you liked to try your hand at this "irony" thing Dave always spoke of. You thought that you'd impress your bro with a get well card for his Bro. However, when you looked up the correct spelling of ovaries, things got awry.

"So... Wwhere wwere you on Saturday, again?" you ask.

Nothing. No facial twitch. No eyebrow cock. Not a single muscle moves. Strider just reiterates his story, "I told you, my Bro had surgery to-"

"Yes, to remove his _ovaries_ am I correct?" you ask to confirm the story. Dave's face remains blank.

"That's a funny thing, Dave, because through a series of disturbing and slightly revolting human anatomical research queries, I discovered something. Human males do not possess _ovaries_. They are exclusive to females. Now, either your Bro is a female... Or you are _lying._" you say triumphantly, your awesome scarf blowing in the wind like a scene out of an awesome wizard movie.

Dave says nothing at this. You lift your hand and the gang of football players surrounding the bespectacled blonde raise previously concealed paint guns.

"Dave, is your Bro a human female?" you ask, acid filtering into your voice. After all, why would your best bro lie to you? I mean, sure, you may perhaps upon _occasion _do something dishonest that may or may not involve him, but that is entirely beyond the point.

You don't need to worry. At questioning the integrity/honor of his Bro, Dave, though not facially responsive, becomes defensive.

"No. My Bro is just that, a Bro. Don't act like you don't know." Dave says. The group of football players lift the guns and take aim. You narrow your own spectacled eyes.

"Shit, fine... Fuck. I... I skipped Saturday because I had to go to... Glee club." Dave says, the last bit coming out almost below the decibel register you are capable of hearing, "But you've got the power. You don't have to do this, Eri-"

You smirk.

Your comrades fire.

Dave Strider is covered in paintballs and even though he's your bro, you know this is what's best for him. He needs to repent whatever in fuck's name spirit possessed him to do such a thing.

After the hume is thoroughly painted, you leave him to his devices. You suppose you'll deal with him later.

There are people who are overdo for a trash bath, anyhow.

==» Nanna: Message dad


	178. Nanna: Message dad

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Nanna: Message dad

* * *

><p>-pipefan413 began messaging fedorafreak-<p>

pipefan413: Hoo hoo, how's it going son!

pipefan413: Has the insurance gotten back to your house problem?

fedorafreak: unfortunately the insurance has yet to respond to my claim

fedorafreak: this is most detrimental to the financial situation

pipefan413: :( At least nobody got hurt

pipefan413: Tell me again, my memory's not what it used to be...

pipefan413: How on this planet did your toilet just suddenly get removed from the spot where it sat?

fedorafreak: despite extensive investigation there doesnt appear to be any clear culprit

fedorafreak: my hypothesis is that if the constantly labile water pressure reached a dangerous level then the toilet would have been blown out of its place and into the front yard hence creating a large hole in that side of the house

fedorafreak: however i have yet to arrange someone to inspect the potential cause of the quandary

pipefan413: :( How are you going to pay for that?

fedorafreak: ...

pipefan413: Don't play coy with me, son. I know when you're lying, and I can tell that the public education institution is not a lucrative one for you...

pipefan413: Plus you also have John's college to think about

pipefan413: Along with dodgy water pressure and a hole where the toilet was...

fedorafreak: ...

pipefan413: I don't want to push you son, but there's an accounting opening at the P.S. Bank.

pipefan413: Just think about it, please?

pipefan413: For Johnny?

-fedorafreak ceased messaging pipefan413-

==» Dad: Print out application for accounting job

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; Despite the fact that we twist and turn shit all over the place in this fic, we couldn't fathom a hysterical pregnancy being relatable in MSPA, that would involve wives and shit. So we just made it financial hardships?**


	179. Dad: Print out application

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» Dad: Print out application for accounting job

* * *

><p>At your desk you print out the application for the accounting job that could aid in your financial distress.<p>

It sits there blank.

==» Dad: Fill out application; Y/N?


	180. Fill Out Application: YN?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee**_

==» Dad: Fill out application; Y/N?

* * *

><p>You pick up one of your many ballpoint pens and look at the paper again.<p>

Your hand slowly descends toward the paper on your desk.

However, just as you are about to see whether or not you fill it out or not you are confronted with a character selection screen!

Talk about inopportune moment!

==» FF: Be John


	181. FF: Be John

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA or Seussical or Pretty Little Liars (all of which are referenced to in this chapter).**_

==» FF: Be John

* * *

><p>You are John. Glee club has begun. You decide to do roll call even though the absence of one cool dude is just about as obvious as a giant fucking elephant in a nest in a tree on an egg singing melancholy tunes about being isolated from your peers. But that's a completely different story.<p>

You proceed anyways.

"Nepeta Leijon." you say.

"Nyeh?" she mewls, preoccupied with pawing at a mouse toy dangling from Tavros' hand. (You push all thoughts of the freaky fetishes those two must have to the terrible pits of your perverted adolescent mind.)

"Kanaya Maryam." you say.

"Here." she articulated, more focused on a mohair brassier she was working on knitting.

"Tavros Nitram." you say.

"H-here." he stammers.

"Jade Harley." you call.

"I'm here." Jade says, polishing a new desert eagle despite the obvious illegality of the object.

You're not sure where your father is. At some point in time he stopped in, you can tell by the presence of his open briefcase.

...Open?

==» John: Look inside the briefcase


	182. Look inside, John DO IT DO ITT

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own MSPA or Glee.**_

==» John: Look inside

* * *

><p>Despite all those little voices that warn of the stigmas of snooping, you can't help but inch your way over to the briefcase laying open on a stool. Of course you would close it right after.<p>

At first glance nothing out of the ordinary is there. You see an extra fedora and a few bottles of Barbasol. However, underneath a heap of cones the corners of a paper stick out. You gingerly pull out the paper all gentle like.

The top says in large lettering: "P.S. BANK ACCOUNTING APPLICATION"

You continue scanning the form and it is indeed, a filled out application for an accounting job. You frown.

Perhaps you stare at the paper for too long because Jade comes over and asks, "What's going on?" She looks over your shoulder and sees it to.

Then comes Kanaya and Nepeta with Tavros.

You all realize it.

He's leaving you.

==» John: Have a diva freak out


	183. John: Have a diva freakout

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: Have a diva freak out

* * *

><p>You don't need any prompting to flip your shit. Others follow suit.<p>

"How could he leave us?" "Wh-what are we going to do?" "Is glee club still going to happen?" "Magic bananas!" "Now we're going to be losers without a purpose!" "I really want to sing..." "Are we really that loser-ish?" "What's gonna happen to us?"

==» Jade: Tell everyone to calm down

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**We'd just like to holla to some of our favorite reviewers! PuzzleLeafs and NightFlowerLuv we love your commentary and awesome reactions and reviews! They totes make our nights when we read them! **

**Also thanks to past reviewers Vivace, Faygo, Rubyrememberence, and DaughterofDementor123.  
><strong>


	184. Jade: Tell everyone to calm down

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Jade: Tell everyone to calm down

* * *

><p>Despite the distressing implications of the evidence presented, you aim to calm down your peers.<p>

"Guys?" you utter. They're busy collectively being noisy douchebags.

"Guys?" you inquire again. Still no valid response.

"GUYS!" you finally holler. The club ceases squawking.

"Look, I know this seems grim, but we should really try to be positive." you tell them. Mumbled concurrences die down to a silence so prolonged and awkward that the pianist felt moderately comfortable in it.

==» John: Hey, where's Dave?


	185. John: Hey, where's Dave?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

**Do not own Glee or MSPA.**

==» John: Hey, where's Dave?

* * *

><p>You suddenly notice the absence of the cool kid amidst the unsurprising chaos that has ensued in the music room.<p>

"Hey, where's Dave?" you ask the general populous.

Suddenly all shit-flipping ceased in communal realization.

"Uh... I didn't s-see him, now that you mention it..." Tavros mutters.

Kanaya looks around, "As a matter of fact, I don't believe he joined us at all this afternoon." she states. The rest of the group nods in affirmation collectively realizing that this whole ordeal occurred without the presence of one Dave Strider.

Nepeta frowns, "Where could he pawsibly be?" she wonders.

You bite your lower lip with your prominent buck teeth (which on multiple occasions Jade has called "adorkable"). "I'll find him..." you muse.

You disregard any responsibilities you may hold in the current situation as self claimed cornerstone of glee club and go on a Strider hunt.

==» John: Find Strider


	186. John: Find Strider

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own glee or mspa.**_

==» John: Find Strider

* * *

><p>You storm out of the already mostly completely anarchic session of glee club.<p>

Now you wonder, where in the name of the universe would a blonde cool kid be hanging out after school when he ought to be at glee?

Wow. You suddenly feel incredibly mentally handicapped for even having asked that question. _Duh._

==» John: Go where no gleek has gone before


	187. Go where no gleek has gone before

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**I do not own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» John: Go where no gleek has gone before

* * *

><p>You channel your inner devilishly handsome yet misunderstood trickster and bravely charge down to the athletic locker room. Before you even reach the place, however, you feel a strong tug on the back of your shirt.<p>

You fall backwards on your ass.

"Hey!" you holler.

"Calm your tits, Egbert, it's me. And you ought to be on your knees kowtowing after I saved you from being fucking annihilated by the football team." Dave Strider tells you.

You frown. He is not in an agreeable mood.

"Look, I was just wondering why you decided it was a jollygood time to ditch glee." you tell him as sternly as somebody who is just about as threatening as a fairybull could.

You swear for a moment you hear a snicker.

"Look, Egbert. Uh. Glee is... Uh... Kind of like a mudslide of fucking awful crushing my reputation. I can't really deal with that shit right now. Dig?" he says.

You finally get off your ass and look him in the eye (well, through black lenses). "Look, Dave, you are really talented. And as amazing and flawless as you think your poker face is, I can tell you enjoy it. Right. I said it." you tell him, "You shouldn't care what they think. You have a gift and you can't care about what others think. You're better than them." At this point you have no fucking idea what else to say so you storm off into the distance leaving Dave with same look he always has on his face.

Ass.

==» Dave: Return to the football players


	188. Dave: Return to the football players

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Return to the football players

* * *

><p>You don't feel disgruntled. You <em>don't. <em>Whatever that Egbert kid said has no effect or bearing on you whatsoever. It's not like he planted a poisonous spore of words deep into the fecund crevices of your fertile mind which has germinated and begun infiltrating your conscience. That's definitely not it. Before further probing the cogs and turntables of your mind you opt to return to the mecca of shallowness that is the football locker rooms.

High fives and fist bumps are exchanged and you see your bro Eridan Ampora (you _still _don't know why you're best friends) and some of your other bros chilling in a corner.

"Hey, Strider. Wwe've got a surprise for you!" Eridan beckons you. The other football players chitter along.

Hey, who are those people anyway? Perhaps now would be a good time to finally introduce them. There's the sweaty one and another significantly less sweaty one.

==» Introduce the sweaty one


	189. Introduce the sweaty one

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MPSA**_

==» Introduce the sweaty one

* * *

><p>The sweaty one is long time football player and athlete Equius Zahhak. He used to participate in a large smorgasboard of physical activity but has been kicked out of more than half of those due to his incredible aptitude for causing severe bodily injury, leaving at least six broken basketball hoops and nineteen poorly mended holes in the gym walls. He is incredibly enamored with anything related to horses and robots. He plays the position of the Skaia High football team's left tackle.<p>

He tends to perspire excessively, especially in instances of excitement or stress. Or anything else, really.

He is in the main radii of Dave's football allies along with Ampora and the other one.

==» Introduce the other one


	190. Introduce the other one

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Introduce the other one

* * *

><p>The other one stands next to Equius. Nobody is sure why she attends school since she is obviously a robot. Her name is Aradia Megido and she is a robot. She occasionally drones on about "the kind of troll she was" and seems to have a wistful desire for the time of her "living" whatever that meant. She is known to be creepily foreboding and kind of a downer. Nobody questions her presence.<p>

==» Dave: What's your surprise?


	191. Dave: What's your surprise?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Dave: What's your surprise?

* * *

><p>You shrug. The last time you got a "present" from Eridan it was some lowblooded troll kid with braces on fire stuck in a toilet. You're not sure how Eridan managed it but you had to give the kid major props for sadistic creativity.<p>

"What do you have for me today?" you ask wondering if there'll be any explosives involved this time.

The troll smirks and gestures for you to follow him.

You and a small crowd of football players gather outside below the grand stands in the portapotty corner. You begin to wonder.

"Guess wwho wwe nabbed on his wway to the lavatories?" Eridan said with a twitch in his eyebrow and a smug in his voice.

You look to the portapotties and begin to hear rumbling.

"H-help?" a voice calls.

Oh.

Fuck.

==» Dave: Who's in there?


	192. Dave: Who's in there?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

**Don't own glee or MSPA**

==» Dave: Who's in there?

* * *

><p>The voice calls again.<p>

"Uhm... I'm starting to feel c-claustrophobic. Can I leave now?" says the whiny, stammering voice of Tavros Nitram.

Shit.

The jarring catharsis hits you like a fucking tsunami and you feel terrible. You feel terrible about this situation and you feel terrible about what Eridan's about to do.

"So, since wwe've gotten wwind of the abolishment of that stupid glee wwhatever, wwe've arranged this as a sort of a... wwelcome back." Eridan tells you. A vein in your neck pops out. Just slightly.

Keep your cool, Dave.

Keep your cool.

"So noww you can redeem yourself to us." Ampora goes on, "First flip on wwheels and this wwill all be forgotten like a bad fever dream."

Fuck.

_Fuck._

You think watching Ampora or Zahhak do it would be bad enough but the thought of tossing the poor kid yourself makes a sick pit form in your stomach.

The small crowd of faces watches you expectantly.

You approach the portable bathroom as slowly as you possibly could. Raking through different solutions and outcomes like a some sick AI system, going all Rambo on algorithms and stuff.

You touch the door of the portapotty.

==» Dave: What are you gonna do?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fu says; ****Sorry for the lack of updates as of recent. New chapters will be sparse, if at all uploaded in the coming weeks due to graduation and senior year stuff for all of us!  
><strong>

**Ren says; Wish us all luck as we escape the shithole of high school w!  
><strong>


	193. Dave: What are you gonna do?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: What are you gonna do?

* * *

><p>You look up slowly.<p>

Moment of destiny.

You hear your pulse pound in your ears.

Louder than bass kickin' at a club.

And then you open the door.

"Th-thank. Thank you so much!" Tavros whines as you lift the chair and set it gently on the ground.

"Wwhat the shit, Strider? I thought you wwere one of us!" Eridan yells. You look at him and shrug.

"You guys need me to win. And so do they. So I'm doing both." you tell them.

And with that you make an aloof exit, rolling Tavros back to practice.

==» Dave and Tavros: Roll off into the sunset.


	194. Roll off into the sunset

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave and Tavros: Roll off into the sunset

* * *

><p>That is not only incredibly silly, but mostly impossible due to the lack of a sunset at ten in the morning.<p>

But you will roll him back to practice since you both ought to be attending that right now.

Dramatic 80's piano filters into both of your ears from a distance. Somebody left their radio on the classic rock station again. Not a personal favorite but it gives you an idea.

==» Nepeta: Meow


	195. Nepeta: Meow

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Nepeta: Meow

* * *

><p>Meow. You are now Nepeta.<p>

You know that your sprit Tavros has difficulty sometimes, but you're beginning to grow impatient! How could someone take so long to use the facilities?

And where is that Strider guy anyways? John and Kanaya sit chatting whilst Jade snoozes on the floor and her dream bot conveniently takes her place in the conversation.

At least you aren't the only one worried at this point.

"You don't suppose Tavros got shunted down the stairs again, do you?" Kanaya wondered aloud.

"I really hope not! That'd be terrible." Jadebot said.

John bit his lip with his prominent buck teeth.

"I just hope he's okay..." you say.

==» Dave: Apologize


	196. Dave: Apologize

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**DOn't own glee or MSPA.**_

==» Dave: Apologize

* * *

><p>You roll into the practice full of misfits. Kanaya and John sit chatting to a robot whilst Nepeta is the first to notice you.<p>

"You're back!" she exclaims pouncing on the wheelchaired wonderboy Tavros.

"Uh." you say. Shit. Did you just really fucking say "uh" ? You feel like that kid who always prepared their english speeches about six minutes before class started.

All eyes are suddenly on you. "Shit I fucked up okay? I'm sorry. You guys deserve better. _We _deserve better." after saying that you feel the cheddar coursing through your veins at the cheesiness of that statement.

You make the mistake of looking at that Egbert kid who has this look on his face that's between confused, approving and gassy. (Well, okay, it was more like a "you done good pig, you done good" kinda look, but it's all the same to you.) The look gave you feels that you don't want to explore right now.

"So, what were we doing?" you ask, quickly trying to shift the subject matter.

"Not much..." John says, "We don't know what to do with the potential leave of my father..."

"Well," you say, "We could do this ourselves. We're capable. Like... Tavros, could you get the jazz band to rehearse with us?" you ask.

Tavros nods, "I _do _have some pull there."

"And Kanaya, you could make costumes, right?" you ask the troll.

She smiles, "Do you _see _what I'm wearing? Of course I could synthesize more than sufficient garments."

"And Nepeta you... move... around a lot so maybe you could work with all the dancing shit?" you say.

Nepeta jumps up, "Could I ever!"

You look at John, feeling like kind of a douche for allotting important duties to everybody but him. It's not his fault that he dresses like a middle schooler, moves like an arthritic manatee, and has no influence over members of jazz band.

"John just... Take care of your voice. You're like... The... Cornerstone. Of glee. Yeah." you say, not entirely sure how else to put your thoughts into words without sounding completely fruity. Despite the tone of your statement the kid cracks a smile.

==» Ms. Lalonde: "Accidentally" Stumble into Mr. Egbert


	197. Bump into Dad accidentally

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA.**_

==» Ms Lalonde: "Accidentally" Stumble into Mr. Egbert

* * *

><p>The news of Mr. Egbert's impending leave has spread like wildfire and you refuse to have any of that. Though you are not entirely sure why Principal Snowman informed you of this occurrence or why she seemed so keen on Mr. Egbert remaining despite the fact that he costs money to the school, you do agree with her perspective. He needs to stay.<p>

Not only has the dignified man provided ample eye candy for your dreary days, but you've come to discover that he's also kind of a really nice man. It would be incredibly selfish of you to _not _assure that he remains on the school premises.

You see the man walking the checkered floors of the school and take one for the team, bumping into him and causing the contents of your chic tote bag and his stiff briefcase to spill onto the floor.

"A thousand pardons are given." he says. Man you love his voice. He stacks papers neatly and chronologically arranges them for you. You pick up a couple canisters of Barbasol and a pipe and then something catches your eye.

"So that's your son?" you ask, noticing the small five by seven paper is a baby picture of his son riding a slime with a microphone in hand. He nods.

"What a cutie. Look at him, ridin' the slime prepeindig... _pretending _he's a super star... So he's alwawys... always liked music?" you ask, hoping to poke at his nostalgia receptacles.

He nods again, looking at the phone.

"I think maybe you should cosnider... consider staying. Just look at how happy your little boy is. Singing on the slime like he's Lady Gristga or somethin'." you tell him, making as huge a deal as you can out of it, "I mean... He loves music so so much... And to share that with him... Heck I can't een... even hear a note out of my daughter's mouth... To have a son to share that with is... Soemthing... soewking... _whatever._" you say.

And with that you gather your things and quickly trot away and let Egbert's brain marinate in the juices of the feels you just laid down on him.

==» Dad: Exit the school with a heavy mind


	198. Dad: Exit school with heavy mind

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

==» Dad: Exit the school with a heavy mind

* * *

><p>After taking in the excess of nostalgic thoughts and feelings with the aid of Ms. Lalonde you find yourself feeling compromised about your previous plans of leaving.<p>

You take a turn and as you slowly walk toward the auditorium, a propped door allows sound to filter out...

_Da da da da _

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da _

_Da da da da..._

===»


	199. Dad: Go on

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA**_

===»

* * *

><p>The Scratched Directions stand on stage donning candy apple red shirts and jeans. Despite the hardships you have collectively come across it all seems to be forgotten as the jazz band begins to play the accompaniment to the number.<p>

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da _

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da_

_Da da da da_

Dave starts,

_Just a small town boy_

_Livin' in a lonely world_

_She took the midnight train going anywhere_

John answers,

_Just a city boy_

_Born and raised in south Detroit_

_He took the midnight train going anywhere_

A jazz bander took liberty to let out some sweet guitar licks.

The others join, _Shine onn! _and Dave carries on,

_A singer in a smoky room_

_The smell of wine and cheap perfume, _John sings

Together, _For a smile they can share the night_

_It goes on and on and on and on and on_

_Strangers! Waiting!_

_Up and down the boulevard_

_Their shadows searching in the night!_

Unbeknownst to them, they are being watched. Dad Egbert watches with a stoic face but an immensely swelled heart. This is what his son loves. Even if it requires thrift and strategic reorganizing in the near future, you would rather he live a life he is passionate about than be worried about funds. You are so proud of your son.

_Streetlight people_

_Living just to find emotion_

_Hiding somewhere in the niiiiight!_

_(Shine on shine shine oon!)_

_Working hard to get my feel_

_Everybody wants a thrill!_

_Payin' anything to roll the dice_

_Just one more time!_

_Some will win_

_Some will lose_

_Some are gonna sing the blues!_

_Another movie never ends_

_It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers! Waiting! _

_Up and down the boulevard_

_The shadows searching in the night_

_Streetlight people_

_Livin' just to find emotion_

_Hiding somewhere in the niiiiiiiight!_

Another guitar solo is taken.

Dad isn't the only one watching. A spiteful dark figure watch from a balcony with two of his Cheerio drones, plotting the downfall of glee whilst a confused friend and footballer observes from the open entrance.

_Don't stop believing!_

_Hold on to the feeeeeling!_

_Streetlight peopleeeeeeee!_

_Don't stop believing!_

_Hold onto that feeling!_

_Streetlight peopleeeeeeeee!_

_Don't stop!_

==»


	200. End Episode 1

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 1**

**Season 1**

_**Don't own Glee or MSPA or Journey/Don't Stop Believing**_

==»

* * *

><p>A single pair of hands applauding the performance rings out in the post Journey silence.<p>

Dad Egbert nods to the group of misfit stars.

**END EPISODE 1**


	201. Cheerios Interlude

**Gleestuck**

**INTERLUDE**

**Season 1**

**CHEERIOS INTERLUDE**

* * *

><p>Sloppy.<p>

Sloppy.

_Sloppy._

_"_THAT'S SLOPPY. YOU'RE ALL SLOPPY BABIES!" you holler in their general direction.

Is that cellulite you see? Goddammit Regina. And how many times have you told Glavni that she needs to have _high _ponytail. Hers is moderate at the most generous. You want high confound it. _High!_

Your cheerios stick the last movement of their routine. Sure, it looks nice, they might say, not too shabby, they say. But you don the eyes of a trained champion and this won't cut it.

You pick up your megaphone, "You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded... that's hard!" you say.

It just ain't easy finding good cheerios these days.

**END CHEERIOS INTERLUDE**


	202. Begin Episode 2

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

**Begin Episode 2**

* * *

><p><strong>So this is what you missed on Gleestuck. The Scratched Directions were formed and everyone auditioned and it was pretty great except John wanted a stronger male lead to support him. Mister Egbert discovered that that really super cool ironic Strider kid was a really good singer so he blackmailed him with a Smuppet and he joined the glee club. And then stuff was going pretty good until the Scratched Directions saw their competition on a field trip and now they're really freaked out and even worse Dave had to skip football to go to the glee field trip and his bro Eridan got suspcious so he figured out what an ovaries really is but once the footballers confronted Dave he told them glee and football both needed him to win. Then everyone freaked out because they thought Mr. Egbert was gonna leave but their problems were solved by the power of Journey. And that's what you missed on Gleestuck.<br>**

* * *

><p>The Scratched Directions begin a brand new day with uncharacteristic and tragically misplaced optimism.<p>

Dad strides down the parking lot observing the chipper happenings of the morn time. Students chatter about like animals at the watering hole, hoping the bell ring becomes delayed.

"I'll get that for you." Dave says, helping your son up ahead with a particularly heavy stack of books. John smiles at him like a puppy that just found its new owner.

Kanaya shoves her new Candy and Corn tote bag into the arms of Aradia Megido as Equius Zahhak effortlessly hurls her into the dumpster. Nepeta rolls Tavros along.

Another normal morning at Skaia High.

That is to say a morning laden with hijinks and shenanigans!

==» FF: Coach Noir: Rain on Glee's parade


	203. Noir: Rain on glee's parade

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Coach Noir: Rain on Glee's parade

* * *

><p>The pianist is playing scales as the kids stretch their vocal chords in preparation for dropping some mad boss songs up in this room. DadMr. Egbert observes them.

Dad.

_Dad._

The jerk who singlehandedly aborted your Cheerio European Dry Cleaning Fund like a cancerous frog virus in a crucial game. And Principal Snowman? Her indifference and, ugh, _support _of the glee club further fuels your boiling, fetid rage. You storm into the happy hippy dippy lovey room of music crap and clear your throat real dignified like.

"Hello there Mr. Egbert and annoying tone deaf needy children." you say, receiving a delicious array of dissatisfied looks.

"I was in the library, terrorizing children as usual, and I just picked up the _most interesting read._" you say, holding up your copy of High School Show Choir Rules, "And I came across an enthralling line in chapter 7, section 3, subsection A, line 59 and would you read this? It says right here 'A show choir must have 12 members to qualify for competition'. Now lemme see..." you make an exaggerated job of counting the sad troup of gallivanting dorks, "I only see six. Hm. Well, just thought I'd share that _fascinating _read with ya." you tell 'em.

"Oh, and Mr. Egbert, I am not sure if you're aware but it looks like somebody parked their airplane on your face where your nose oughta be." you say. And with that you're off.

Take that, Egbert.

That'll show him. That'll show him good.

==» Dad: Consider a solution to this new problem

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Dad's Nose = Will's Hair **


	204. Dad: Consider a solution

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Dad: Consider a solution to this new problem

* * *

><p>You contemplate solutions to the problem that Coach Noir had so generously presented to you. In a moment of "aha!" you write on the board.<p>

It reads:

RECRUITMENT ASSEMBLY FRIDAY

ARRANGE A NUMBER

The glee club looks freaked out but you're sure you harbor quite the hefty solution.

You hand out sheet music of a hip, fun number.

The glee club immediately responds with grimaces.

"Dad, we can't do this. They'll murder us!" John wails.

"Yeah. No. I can't. I'll die. I'll die. I will literally just stand up on stage and die. On stage." Dave says.

"U-uh yeah I, uh, don't think this is a good id-dea..." Tavros says.

You stroke your chin. Is it possible you miscalculated? You ask, "You would prefer to perform something more... recent?" you ask.

Synonymous nods answer your implication and you take in the new data.

You nod and the pianist appears out of nowhere handing you a potential alternative. You appraise the option and hand it out. The target market seems much more satisfied with this approach.

"Perhaps we ought to practice this number for propriety's sake, though there is no guarantee..." you say.

That is all the prompting they need.

==» Jade: Take it away!


	205. Jade: Take it away!

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Jade: Take it away!

* * *

><p>You're relieved to see Mr. Egbert considering an alternative to the horrendous disco thing he handed out. With a nod from Mr. Egbert you start off the song, not hesitating to make the soul ooze from your words,<p>

_She take my moneeeyyy_

_When I'm in neeed_

_Yeeaahh she's a triflin' friend indeed_

_Oooohh she's a gold digger_

_Waaaayyy over town!_

_That digs on me..._

Everyone joins your singing as Dave takes up rapping,

_(She gives me money)_

_Now I ain't sayin she's a gold digger_

_(When I'm in need)_

_But she ain't messin' with no broke_

_(I gotta leave)_

_Get down girl go head get down_

_(I gotta leave)_

_Get down girl go head get down_

_(I gotta leave) _

_Get down girl go head get down_

_(I gotta leave) _

_Get down girl go head_

The Scratched Directions break it down as Tavros takes the back whilst Dave raps,

_(She gives me money)_

_Cutie the bomb, met her at a beauty salon_

_(When I'm in neeed)_

_With a baby Louis Vuitton under her under arm_

_(She gives me money)_

_She says I can tell you rock I can tell by your charm_

_(When I'm in need)_

_Far as girls you got a flock I can tell by your charm and your arm_

_(I gotta leave)_

_But I'm lookin' for the one have you seen her?_

The glee club exclaims, _No, we ain't seen her! _And they all back Dave up now.

_(She give me money!)_

_Yeah I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger_

_(When I'm in need)_

_But she ain't messin' with no broke broke_

_(She give me money)_

_Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger_

_(When I'm in need)_

_But she ain't messin' with no broke_

Three groups sectioned off, layering an even sicker sound,

_(I gotta leave) (Get get get get get down ohh)_

_Get down girl go head get down_

_(I gotta leave) (Get get get get get down ohh)_

_Get down girl go head get down_

_Go head girl get down!_

All of you erupt into laughter and applaud and camaraderie and all that other fruity movie stuff. After ample high fives are exchanged you ask, "So, what do you think, Mr. Egbert?"

He strokes his chin, still unsure. You frown and all depart for the day.

==» John: Walk with Dave to his locker


	206. John: Walk with Dave to his locker

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: Walk with Dave to his locker

* * *

><p>As you all exit you take the same route as Dave as the two of you begin your regular post-rehearsal chats. In the past you've learned that you two seem to have little in common yet somehow you mesh perfectly. You figure there's some kind of cool-dweebspectrumomoter and its perfectly balanced by his immense awesomeness and your super dweebliness. It's gotten to the point where you look forward to your chats at the end of the day. You feel like it's the point in time where you get to most genuinely see Dave and you like that. A lot.<p>

"...No, no I'm sorry no, I don't care how fucking awesome flaming skulls are, Nicolas Cage can make the coolest things awful. He is the only man on the planet who could make flaming skulls, satan, and a Ducati not cool." he says.

"Nuh-uh! He's amazing! Have you seen Con Air? _Have you? _Don't even _pretend _you didn't bawl your eyes out so hard you puked your gummy bears up at the end of that movie! Don't even pretend!" you tell him.

"I... what? First of all, ew. Second of all I actually haven't seen that one." he tells you.

"You kidding me? Con Air, '97, classic!" you tell him.

"So if it was made back in '97 does that mean at that point in time his face _actually fucking moved_?" Dave asks with his witty cool irony.

"That's it. I don't care how or when or whatever the fuck but we are watching it some time and you'll like it." you tell him.

"Doubt it." he says with a snort.

You two reach his locker. He opens it and you don't know how but he somehow crammed a portable turntable and some of those fancy small speakers in there, like he'll just need them at some point. There's also about twenty cheap swords in there. You wonder if he actually keeps books in there.

You notice a picture you've never seen before.

"Hey, who's that?" you ask, pointing to a picture of a pretty troll in the door.

"Oh that? That's my girlfriend." he says it like it is the most fucking normal and mundane thing ever. Which, in reality it is but it doesn't feel like that to you. You're pretty sure you feel your heart sinking to your feet.

"You have a girlfriend? I mean. Of _course _you have a girlfriend." You say trying to play it off all cool and aloof like which you were pretty sure you failed at. Even so, Dave is kind enough not to say anything if he noticed. Either that or he really is clueless.

He smiles, "Yeah. She's nice. You know her. Cheerio. President of the Celibacy Club." he says.

"Yeah. Right. Who doesn't know her. Duh. _Duh. _Haha. Oh man. Ohhh man I just remembered I'm late for a water balloon fight with my Nanna gotta go bye." and with that you trot off. Because if you weren't giving off odd vibes before, that would entirely alleviate it.

==» ?: Observe an awkward interaction


	207. Mystery person watch the interaction

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» ?: Observe an awkward interaction

* * *

><p>You can't believe what you're seeing. Look at him. Look at that... that <em>thing<em>. That thing is hanging on his every word. You can't believe the way the little bucktoothed bespectacled boy is just _ogling _him. Dave. The coolest kid in school.

This is not good.

This is _not _good.

You're not typically a confrontational individual but your rank in this school makes the cutting, terrible things you do and say entirely necessary. You cannot have this... this slime dangling on Dave Strider like that. That could tarnish both your and his positions on the echeladder.

You dash away into a corner before that dorky kid could see you.

You will see to it that this is taken care of.

==» Coach Noir: Call ?, ?, and ? into your office


	208. Coach Noir: Call people to your office

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Coach Noir: Call ?,?, and ? into your office

* * *

><p>You are now Coach Noir and you are sitting in your office. Your name is synonymous with "champion" and "winning". You're on a drug called Jack Noir with a fist full of rage, a mind full of fuck, a cup full of protein shake.<p>

You've just summoned your three best agents to your office to assign them a covert operation of utmost priority. They are your three star Cheerios and you know for a fact that each of them will do anything to assure that those bright chartreuse uniforms remain on their backs until the end of their high school careers, thus keeping them on the topper rungs of the echeladder. The three of them look at you confusingly. You're so proud to call them your own and this gig'll prime 'em up real good for the missions to come.

"Alright ladies," you says, "I've got a job for you. We've got to take the glee club down. At first I thought nothing of the washed up pond scum slime that is glee club but they've gotten real slick and have become more akin to a thorn in our side than what they _should_ be. Nothing, that is."

The leader of the three Cheerios, raises her hand, "So, wait, why are we here?"

You sigh. Of course you gotta simple it down for these slim poolmonkeys, they may be your girls but they're no rocket surgeons.

But wait, who exactly _are _they?

==» Introduce the dumb one


	209. Introduce the dumb one

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Introduce the dumb one

* * *

><p>To the left of the leader sits the dumb Cheerio. Perhaps dumb isn't even a fair word to use to describe this troll. The word "dumb" implies that somebody lacks intelligence or common sense and... No wait this troll is kind of dumb. Though dumb he is also incredibly kind and all over chill as fuck.<p>

==» Enter name of dumb one


	210. Enter name of the dumb one

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Enter name of dumb one

* * *

><p>The dumb troll's name is Gamzee Makara. You are one of the TOP 3 CHEERIOS in all of Skaia High and just kind of aimlessly wander around the school. Despite your severe lack of actual classes you still manage to get a 0.21 GPA, which you think is PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING SKIPPY. You aren't particularly bright but are a legitimately caring troll and just go with the motherfucking flow. You were tokin' up a pretty good tin of slime when one of the little secretary drone peeps went all up in the Cheerios' locker room and fucking asked for you all.<p>

Now you're sitting up in this office wondering what even the fuck is going on like why are you doing here?

It don't matter much though. Guess Coach Noir wants you to do something or the other and since you're pretty pumped about Cheerios you'll do whatev to keep him up and fucking happy. (Even though he's pretty damn grumpy even when he's fucking happy.)

It's whatever.

"I'm gonna make it real simple like," Coach Noir says, "It is my mission to destroy glee club."

At this the bitchiest Cheerio of them smiles real wide like the ocean.

==» Enter name of the bitchy one.


	211. Enter the name of the bitchy one

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Enter the name of the bitchy one

* * *

><p>The thought of a conspiracy fills you with a case of the giddies. You smirk. Destroying people is a favorite hobby of yours.<p>

Your name is Vriska Serket and you are the sassy, bitchy Cheerio. Nobody wants to cross you and for good reason. You've shown your good share chumps what happens when you make bad with the spider. You're also lucky as hell and don't have any problems using dishonest means to get what you want. I mean, why not? Whatever gets you ahead. You don't really care who you stomp in the process and these glee chumps are no exception to that rule.

"Ya see, they've crossed the line and we gotta deal with 'em, old fashioned. I want you girls to join glee." Coach Noir says.

"What?" the leader says.

"Hmm..." you say. An infiltration? _Delicious.  
><em>You're already thinking of ways to get them stuck in your web.

Gamzee asks, "Who's glee?"

You roll your eyes. Confound that lovable alabaster retard. Despite the risky plan of operation you _love _the idea of destroying glee from the inside out. These poor little dweebs won't know what's coming.

"That... That could severely damage our reputations..." says the leader of the cheerios.

==» Enter name of the leader


	212. Enter the name of the leader

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2 **

**Season 1**

==» Enter name of the leader

* * *

><p>You are now the leader of the Cheerios. You are the president of the Celibacy club and a favorite to be Cheerio captain. You are regarded as the most popular and beautiful girl in the school. Your status as a Cheerio as well as your blood color put you high up on the echeladder. Your best friends and satellites are Gamzee Makara and Vriska Serket.<p>

Your name is Feferi Peixes. You typically don't harbor fear going into risky situations but _glee_? That's a whole new level of risky. Yet at the same time you find yourself incredibly inclined to plunge into vast unknown of gleekdom.

After a moment's consideration you reply, "I'm in. I have fish to fry, too. Lately I've seen Dave talking to them. Those people and I see that... That _thing_, Egbert, just hanging all over him. I need to get to the depths of this!" you say, determined.

Coach Noir nods, pleased with your acceptance, "Yes... Oh Feferi. I've always seen a bit of a Young Jack Noir in you. You could very well be me... Except you don't have the bone structure. Regardless, you three, I want you to get in, get dirt, and report to me at every single development of the operation, ya hear?"

"Yes, sir!" You say.

"Aye aye captain." Vriska says with a snarling smile on her face.

"Yea, man." says Gamzee.

"Good. Now leave my sight. Now." he says. "_Now. Get outta here._"

==» John: Call special meeting of glee club


	213. John: Call a Special Meeting

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: Call special meeting of glee club

* * *

><p>"Hey guys! What's up?" You say, happy that all singers are accounted for.<p>

"Nyah. Why are we here? Where's your dad?" Nepeta asks, leaning on Tavros's wheeled device.

The other members mutter in agreement. Where is he, they say, what's going on, they say.

"Well... I mean... Okay that original disco song thing that my dad wants us to sing..." you begin.

"We will be thoroughly pulverized." Kanaya articulates.

"I'll die. Like. A lot." Dave says simply.

"We _can't _do it!" Jade hollered.

"Right! Exactly!" you say, "So, I was thinking maybe we could _secretly practice something else_." you suggest, titillated by your own tricky agenda.

Contemplative silence ensues.

After a moment the silence is broken. "I like your guts, Egbert. What do you propose we do?" Dave asks cross armed. You smile a bit, encouraged.

"Well, what do people want these days?" you ask rhetorically.

Nepeta says,"...A dead mou-"

"No, like, in general?" you say.

Jade smiles, "...I see what you're up to, John! Sex! Glamour! Fashion! That's what the people want, isn't it!" You nod, "Exactly! So... We're gonna give it to them."

==» FF: Assembly time!


	214. FF: Assembly time

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Assembly time!

* * *

><p>Principal Snowman stands at a podium in the school gym, a stage set up behind her. She takes a puff of her glamorous cig and exhales.<p>

"Good afternoon Skaia High." she says silkily, "We _were _scheduled to have a speaker come in and present an _enticing _discussion on the danger of sex, but she got in a car crash. Pity. So without further ado I will present Skaia High's glee club the Scratched Directions."

Dad Egbert sits on the bleachers, excited to see the Saturday Night Fever finally come to life after the week's rehearsals. Surely your sources couldn't be wrong about this day's youth's love for disco. Right?

However you believe you grossly miscalculated upon hearing the first note of the song. You don't recall rehearsing this song at all.

This turn of events is not beneficial.

Not one bit.

==» Scratched Directions: Give 'em what they want!


	215. SD: Give them what they want

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Scratched Directions: Give 'em what they want!

* * *

><p>The beat plays as the glee club begins general gesticulating and pulsating<p>

_Ahh push it_

_Ahh push it_

_Get up on this!_

_Ohh baby baby _

_Baby baby baby!_

_Ohh baby baby_

_baby baby!_

_Ahh push it!_

_Get up on this!_

_Ahh push it!_

_Get up on this!_

John gets up front. He feels transformed when he's on stage. Like now. He doesn't feel like some dweeb that people enjoy terrorizing with icy confections. He feels like a sex bomb. Dangerous _and_ arousing.

_S-s-salt 'N Peppa here!_

_(get up on this!)_

Rufio (Tavros) rolls up to the front to tell 'em how it is.

_Now wait a minute ya'll_

_This dance ain't for erybody_

_Only the sexy people_

_So all you fly mothers_

_Get on out there and dance_

_Dance, I said!_

Jade gets a turn, swaggin' uncontrollably

_Salt 'N Peppa is here and we're in effect_

_Want you to push it baby_

_Cooling by day_

_Then at Night_

_Working up a sweat_

AC (Nepeta) takes her turn up front

_Come on girls_

_Let's go show the guys that we know_

_How to become number one_

_In the hot body show _

_Now push it!_

Suddenly this glee club is no longer a glee club but more like a club of thrusting bodies that harbor no shame. None. What. So. Ever. Oddly enough some of the student body even begins to enjoy it, moving with the beat. One individual even went so far as to biting his fingers nearly clean off. Unfortunately this didn't harbor entirely positive results.

Coach Noir roils in fury in his seat. Principal Snowman, though normally flighty, can't even deny the incredible inappropriateness of the number.

_Ah shh push it, push it good!_

_Ah shh push it, push it real good!_

_Ahh shh push it, push it good!_

_Ahh shh push it, push it real good!_

_Get up on this!_

_Hey!_

Dave comes up front, to the horror of one Feferi Peixes.

_Yo baby pop yeah you _

_Come here _

_Give me a kiss better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed!_

_Can you hear the music pumpin' _

_Hard like I wish you would?_

_Now push it!_

_Ahh shh push it, push it good_

_Ah shh push it, push it good_

_Ahh shh push it p-push it real good!_

_Get up on this!_

_Ahh push it!_

_Get up on this!_

_Holler!_

_Heyy!_

_Ahh, push it!_

_Ohh baby baby _

_baby baby_

_Oh baby baby baby!_

_Push it!_

The Scratched Directions finishes, a sweating heap of bodies that have taken away any ounce of innocence that may have been left in the poor impressionable youngins.

A moment of silence.

And then riot!

The gym explodes in a fit of sexually charged cheer and applause!

Unfortunately not everyone is applauding. Coach Noir stands in his place, face twisted into a nasty sneer, plotting revenge.

==» FF: Dad: Be lectured


	216. FF: Dad: Be lectured

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Dad: Be lectured

* * *

><p>"That was the most offensive thing I've seen in twenty sweeps of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of <em>Hair<em>." is the first thing you hear Coach Jack Noir snarl in the principal's office. Principal Snowman sticks her tongue out at him (an incredibly unprofessional gesture, you note) and nods in agreement.

"Unfortunately, I have to agree with Coach Noir, Mr. Egbert. Your club stepped out of line. Did you know poor Coach Deuces had to get seven stitches on his posterior due to the riot that ensued after the fact?" Principal Snowman tells you, attempting not to laugh whilst describing Dueces' misfortune. You nod. You grossly miscalculated the impact of your stubbornness. You believe this may cost you dearly and hope the setback is not to major.

"_Right! Seven she says. Seven!_" Coach Noir spits at you. You remain stoic, hiding your disappointment.

"We have received many complaints from parents after the fact, so I've been forced to give you a list of pre-approved, Kosher songs. (Whatever Kosher means.)" Snowman tells you, handing you a list on patriotic stationary.

You look over the list and say, "But all these songs have either Jesus or balloon in their titles." Snowman shrugs.

"...That's _it? _After that you just let them off with a slap on the wrist? No maiming? No destruction? No public humiliation!" Jack wails. Oh gog, you believe this is about to become downright unbusinesslike.

Snowman shrugs, "I don't see it necessary to do much else, Mr. Noir. I believe I am entitled to run this school how I please. Now I will ask you two to take your leaves."

"Lady justice wept today." Jack Noir grudges, leaving in a theatrically loud manner.

You take a much calmer exit, bidding adieu.

==» Dad: Return to the music room


	217. Dad: Return to the music room

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Dad: Return to the music room

* * *

><p>You return to the music room to gather your things. Not only did your glee club put on a vulgar display, but the assembly also failed to rouse any enthusiasm regarding club numbers. You decide to prepare a powerpoint lecture on why what the glee club did was terrible when you hear a knock on the door.<p>

In enter three Cheerios, one carrying a stereo.

"Hi." says one, "I'm Feferi Peixes and I would _love _to join glee! These are my friends Vriska Serket and Gamzee Makara. Do you have time?"

Despite the grim situation you decide that you ought give these girls (and boy) time since you _are _hurting for numbers. You nod and the troll girl sets down a little stereo and pushes play.

==» Feferi: Audition


	218. Feferi: Audition

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Feferi: Audition

You give a sweet, "Thanks!" and press play on your stereo. Gamzee and Vriska provide backup to your soulful tongue in cheek number, shimmying their hips just so.

_(Say a little prayer for youu)_

_The moment I wake up_

_Before I put on my makeup (makeup)_

_I say a little prayer for you_

_While combing my hair now_

_And wondering what dress to wear now (wear now)_

_I say a little prayer for you_

_Forever, forever _

_You'll stay in my heart_

_And I will love you_

_Forever and ever_

_We never will part_

_Oh how I love you_

_Together, together_

_That's how it must be_

_To live without you_

_Would only mean_

_heartbreak for meee_

_I run for the bus, dear_

_While riding I think of us dear (us dear)_

_Say a little prayer for you_

_At work I just take time_

_And all through my coffee break time (break time)_

_I say a little prayer for you_

_Forever, forever_

_You'll stay in my heart and I will love you_

_Forever, and ever_

_We never will part _

_Oh how I love you_

_Together together _

_That's how it must be to live _

_Without you _

_Would only mean heartbreak for me!_

With the last, lilting note you and your comrades stand back, smug, sickly sweet smiles on your faces as Mr. Egbert claps unaware to your intentions.

==» FF: John: Be disgruntled


	219. FF: John Be Disgruntled

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: John: Be disgruntled

* * *

><p>You need no prompting to be disgruntled. Upon entering glee club you see... You see... <em>Them.<em>

There sit calmly Gamzee Makara, Vriska Serket, and Feferi Peixes. Out of nowhere. You aren't the only one. Tavros, upon entrance, quickly covered his face, sure that they were here to assault him with a slushy. Jade eyed them up and down, calculating the best route to them in case they attempt any alleged funny business. Even now, you see Kanaya biting her lip ever so slightly.

"D-Dad! What are they doing here?" you ask, trying to sound as not peeved as you possibly can. Your father told you, "They auditioned. It sounded quite excellent."

They auditioned, he says, it sounded excellent, he says! Bluh! You possess a creeping suspicion that their presence entails more than that. One does not simply audition for glee club without harboring an agenda. (Especially when Vriska is involved...). You take your seat as does everyone else, not entirely used to the sudden crowdedness brought upon by three new members.

"Now, old members. I am disappointed in you. What you did was incredibly detrimental to glee. May I ask who spearheaded this to step forward?" asks your Dad.

("I did that once." Gamzee whispers to Tavros, receiving an uncomfortable look.)

You sigh and step forward. You really aren't afraid of consequences at this point since nothing could really dramatically worsen your life beyond the crap quality it is now.

"Son... I'm proud of you for taking initiative to manage a project! I see you have my ambition, but also you have your Nanna's sense of trouble... I apologize to you all for pushing that song. If I had listened this outcome could have been prevented. However what is done is done and unpromisingly somebody has to be punished. John since you came forward as the director of this operation... I'm going to give your solo in Don't Stop Believing to Feferi." Dad tells you.

Wait. What?

_What?_

_What the actual fuck?_

You begin to dissent,"Wait what? But Dad I-"

"No buts. She auditioned with an amiable number that was even on the approved list I received from the Principal Snowman.

You nod, accepting defeat.

==»


	220. moving forward

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==»

* * *

><p>Your mouth opens and closes in a fish like manner for a few more moments until you sit down in defeat, noting a tiny smile on Feferi Peixes' pretty face. You run your hand through your unruly mop of black hair.<p>

You wonder if life would be different for you if your glasses were magenta and your hair long and wavy.

A few murmurs go around the room and then nothing.

==» FF: Dad: Answer the message


	221. FF: Dad Answer the Message

**Gleestuck **

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Dad: Answer the message

* * *

><p>After the students filtered out of the class you have the music room to your self. This presents an opportune moment for a message from your dear mother to appear upon the screen of your serious business mobile.<p>

- pipefan413 began chatting with fedorafreak -

pipefan413: Hoo hoo! Hi dearie! How goes glee exploits?

fedorafreak: Less than satisfactory mother.

fedorafreak: Your grandson thought it fit to directly undermine my ruling of disco and use his collaborative skills and innate leadership to use in an incredibly offensive manner.

fedorafreak: The resulting sexually charged riot resulted in the bruising of a secretary and acute infuriation of a formidable coach in the system.

fedorafreak: This developement may hurt us in the future.

pipefan413: Oh dear! My Johnny starting riots!

pipefan413: I'm so proud of him hee hee!

pipefan413: Why I remember participating in similar things at his age! :)

fedorafreak: Mother this is not the time for back pats. The offense limits us as a club.

pipefan413: Hoo hoo! Of course. Well then. How fare the manners of finance?

fedorafreak: ... I believe an opportunity has presented itself.

- fedorafreak ceased chatting with pipefan413 -

==» Dad: Who is scrubbing floors?


	222. Dad: Who is scrubbing floors?

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Dad: Who is scrubbing floors?

* * *

><p>You exit the classroom to see two figures. One, tall, sinuous, dark. Principal Snowman. She stands over the scatterbrained secretary that often resides in the front part of the office fussing over the innumerable amount of random and ridiculous demands made by the former.<p>

"Hello, Mr. Egbert. Can I help you?" Principal Snowman asks, leaning against a wall whilst her secretary scrubbed relentlessly against a pink glob on the floor.

"May I ask why your secretary is so fervently scrubbing?" you ask her. She shrugs.

"Finances are tight with public education. We had to cut night shift janitors. So I figured Ms. Paint could pick up some slack with the evening shift." she says, taking a long drag of her cigarette. You look down at the white lady and back up at Snowman.

"Perhaps I could acquire the evening shift?" you inquire. The principal eyes you up and down and takes another puff.

"Can't afford that, Egbert." she says.

"I'll take half salary." you put simply. Compounded with a teaching salary the janitorial salary would provide a decent amount of supplemental income.

Snowman takes no more than a minute considering it and accepts your offer with a curt "Yes." and a "You start tomorrow.".

You nod in approval as you exit.

==» FF: Next morning; Be Kanaya


	223. FF: Next Morning Be Kanaya

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Next morning; Be Kanaya

* * *

><p>You are now once again Kanaya Maryem. You're sleepy. You were up late last night working on a bodice for a gown you decided to make. You look in the small compact in front of you, flaws such as periorbital puffiness and seborrhea sticking out like cheerios in glee on your face. You sigh and step out of your transportation device, clutching your large messenger bag.<p>

_CLANG!_

You wince in pain as a powerful force shunts you into your car door, your spine making contact with the fiberglass and metal door. You hear some tittering as a few large hulking masses trudge past you.

Another day living the life.

You see Nepeta and Tavros rolling along and opt to join them.

==» Kanaya: Join Nepeta and Tavros


	224. Kanaya: Join John and Nep

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Kanaya: Join Nepeta and Tavros

* * *

><p>You begin to walk over there and Nepeta looks your way, acknowledging your presence with a smile and wave.<p>

You raise your arm to wave and just as your mouth opens to greet them you see Nepeta's face drop, her mouth forming an "O" shape. You wonder what caused it and then you see a shadow behind you.

Suddenly your raised arm his caught in an impressively STRONG grip, you're suddenly shouldered by some sweaty monster of a troll.

You flail, "Please, put me down. Put me down this instance. I kindly ask that you put me down!" you ask him. Of course your request is only met with chortles all around.

You turn your head and see your familiar friend the trash receptacle.

You knock your fists against the troll's back to no avail. If you didn't know he was a troll, you would suspect that you had been slamming your fists against a large boulder.

You near the receptacle and accept defeat.

==» Kanaya: Be thrown into the dumpster


	225. Kanaya: Be thrown in a dumpster

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Kanaya: Be thrown into the dumpster

* * *

><p>You raise your hands in surrender and then for a moment you fly.<p>

Your body meets the heap of trash with a soft crunch and football players around you explode with laughter. You don't see what's so funny.

This is why you hate mornings.

This is why you dread coming to school.

Sure the dumpster landing is soft enough. And sure you're usually able to clean whatever dregs may seep onto your possessions.

But the laughter hurts.

It shreds like the chainsaw you keep at home.

You're a strong troll and you know this, but after a while this grates on you.

About eighty percent of the time you can climb out of the dumpster with little more than a bruised pride and stained shirt.

But then there's that other twenty percent.

The other twenty percent of time where you just wonder why you showed up in the first place.

That twenty percent makes you think maybe it's not worth it showing up. Sometimes you think maybe life would be better if you hid out in your garden or in your craft room, sewing and harvesting, never thinking about school or even other living creatures.

Twenty percent of the time you wonder why you bother at all. It just feels futile. Everything. You wonder why you bother dressing nice if it's just going to be soiled. You wonder why you bother singing if you know it's just going to be ignored. You wonder why you bother living if it's just going to be miserable.

And sometimes, during that twenty percent of the time, you don't climb out of that dumpster immediately. Sometimes you just sit there wondering if that's where you belong. If they're right about you.

==» John: Say Hi to Dave


	226. John: Talk to Dave

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: Say Hi to Dave

* * *

><p>You spot Dave alone in the parking lot and don't hesitate to march right up to him. "Morning, Dave." you say.<p>

To your surpise he acknowledges you with more than a look.

"Hey. 'Sup John?" he asks. You feel sparkly inside. (You're aware of how frightfully homoerotic that sounds but you feel it's the most suitable description.)

"Nothing. Working on my voice. My scales and stuff. Well, I was then I forgot that my solo got taken away..." you say. Dave shrugs.

"Eh. It happens. I gotta work on that shit, too, actually. Gotta work on those high notes." the cool dude muses.

Your attempt at a poker face morphs into an exaggerated half smile.

"Yeah, well, you're pretty damn terrific. So I'm sure you could do it." you tell him with a shrug, trying to seem all cool and aloof.

For a second you think you see Dave's facial expression change, but you credit this to a trick of the light.

"Yeah... Hey do you think you could help me out with that?" he asks.

You kind of die a little inside.

In a good way, of course.

"Sure." is all you manage, "Um. Wanna go during... free period today?" you ask.

Dave shakes his head, "Can't. I've got Celibacy Club with Feferi."

The bubble in your chest sinks down to your toes, "Right. Yeah. And, uh, how is that?" you ask, not really interested in celibacy at all.

Dave stays quiet for a moment, most likely fishing for the most non offensive answer he could muster, "It's... Fine. It's good. She's nice. Feferi, I mean." You nod, not sure what to add to that.

"But I could do you tomorrow during free period?" you suggest. Dave looked at you in silence for a moment and you pretend what you said wasn't terrible, "You know. For voice lessons." He nods, pretending he knew that's what you meant the whole time and gave a goodbye wave.

With his back to you, you sigh like a girl out of a bad made for TV movie.

==» FF: Feferi: Call Celibacy club to order


	227. Feferi Call Celibacy Club to Order

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Feferi: Call Celibacy club to order

* * *

><p>You are now Feferi Peixes, model cheerio and president of the Celibacy club. You pound a small gavel calling today's session into order. To your left sits your friend Vriska Serket, to your right Gamzee Makara. The rest of the members of the club are mostly other cheerios.<p>

"I now call this meeting of Celibacy glub into order." You say. You roll your eyes and sigh, "Due to the unfortunate rule that we _have _to admit anyone who wishes to be a member of Celibacy Club, everybody welcome John Egbert." A few unenthusiastic mumbles met this remark as everyone's collective gaze shifted to the opposite side of the room to the kid sitting without anyone in a five foot radius.

"Where is everyone else?" he asks. You inform him in a condescending tone, "We split into groups for the first half, _then _everyone else joins us." His eyebrows furrow slightly and you write it off.

"So let's talk about Celibacy, shall we?" you say.

==» Celibacy Club: Regroup


	228. Celibacy Club Assemble

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Celibacy Club: Regroup

* * *

><p>The club regroups, all of the members gathered in an amalgam of chatter.<p>

"Those skirts are crunchy toast! Vriska Serket bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her orcavaries." Eridan Ampora snickers to his bro Dave Strider.

"What's... Going on?" John asks Gamzee Makara who shrugs and takes a swig of the sweet elixir, bright orange Faygo.

"Alright, everyone!" Feferi says, "Let's pair up for the immaculate affection. Now remember, if the balloon pops the noise makes the angels cry." Eridan snorts. She fills up the last of a bundle of balloons. Everyone seemed to have their own pairs determined far before the event took place and John is stuck with Gamzee who doesn't really give a shit.

The couples awkwardly place the overinflated balls of helium in between them and begin shuffling side to side in what may be regarded by some as dancing.

Feferi gives Dave her most dashing smile as the two sway side to side. Eridan roughly thrusts into his like some kind of seahorse in heat. Vriska looks at him like it is taking every element in her body not to strangle him in the spot. Equius Zahhak sweats profusely.

Gamzee awkwardly paws randomly at John, not entirely sure what's going on and the kid with the ruffley dark hair and the glasses finally snaps.

"You know what, this is _stupid!" _he hollers, separating from Gamzee who just sits on the ground for no fucking reason.

"This is just... Ugh! Sex is gonna happen regardless! Pretending it won't is just stupid You just need to... to prepare and learn how to be ready not... Not _this!" _the spectacled kid rants, "And you know what, everyone wants sex. Girls, boys, trolls, humans, prospitians, dersites, Lil Cal, _everyone!_ Why do you need to suppress that?!" John finishes panting from the multitude of his decibels.

Feferi gawks at him wide eyed with anger, How _dare _he undermine her.

Dave's steely facade remain seemingly unmoved. The kid said what everyone was thinking.

==» FF: Dad: Take the evening shift


	229. Dad Start Evening Shift

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: Dad: Take the evening shift

* * *

><p>You are now Dad Egbert and you have switched your business suit for coveralls. You've entered a science classroom and begun by washing the boards. The work of evening janitor is neither thrilling nor miserable. It harbors just the proper amount of mundanity to remain not unbearable yet not exciting.<p>

You continue with your rote activity of cleaning.

"Mr. Egbert, what are you doing at this hour?" a silky voice enters the room, pronouncing the "h" in hour like it is linguistically correct to do so. You look up from your work on the boards and see the figure of Ms. Lalonde looming in the entrance of the science room.

Despite your normal sense of worth a slight twinge of embarrassment surges through you. This lady ought to see you in your business best, up front and teaching, not in dirty coveralls wiping the sludgy aftermath of a day's science lessons. She doesn't seem to mind this, though.

You nod, "My lady." you greet her, "In this time of financial strain I've decided to take an extra shift to help alleviate some costs." you tell her.

She walks in, her heels clicking, "Well... You wanna buddy? Got nothing better to do anyway. My daughter's not gonna be home since she's got something with a friend or whatever. The house would be empty anwyeo... anyways." she says. You hold your hands up, "I couldn't possibly accept your aid, madam."

"No, no I _insist_. Mr. Egbert." she pushes, picking a rag off of the cart you have been rolling around and beginning to randomly wipe at the board. You give up resistance and resume wiping.

"You've mentioned a daughter multiple times. How is she doing?" you inquire, hoping you're not being too intrusive.

Ms. Lalonde heaves a sigh but doesn't cease wiping her side of the board and takes a sip from a flask that came out of nowhere. "Yes, I do. She's doing alright... I _suppose_. Not like I'd knwo... know anything. She doesn't talk to me much." she tells you. You hear another tip of the flask, "She doesn't... We don't get along super I guess..."

You feel flattered that Ms. Lalonde would confide in you.

==»


	230. Dad Start Evening Shift II

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==»

* * *

><p>"May I ask... Why?" you ask, hoping boundaries aren't being pushed. Whether it's because of your state of friendship or the alcohol loosening her lips, Ms. Lalonde doesn't hesitate to answer.<p>

"Well I happen to enjoy a drink upon occasion and she doesn't... parove... _approve_. We tend to aggrieve on half of our encounters... I just don't get it though. I mean is really it even that big of a porlem... prokem... pro... _whatever_?" she muses. You look to her, noting that despite her clear state of inebriation she remains divine.

"It seems to put quite a wrench in your relationship with her, though." you say.

She asks, "What makes you say that?"

"You've been scrubbing that same spot on the board for the last five minutes." you tell her. She looks at the board and moves over, a small frown adorning her pointed features.

"Has this always been a problem?" you ask her. She shrugs, "Well, since I was young I've been a savvy sailor! When I was young my mother wasn't raou... around a lot. I thought drinking would gain her attention and... And it didn't make a biw... _big _ difference." You look to her again, shocked that she give you this valuable information. You slowly walk toward her.

"Perhaps I could help you with your problem." you say. She looks at you and you slowly reach your hand towards the flask in hers.

Her eyes do not leave yours as you grab the silver object. You slowly lift it out of her hand and you see her eyes switching between yours and the shiny flask.

You gently place the flask on a nearby desk and lift up your hands.

Almost a minute of silence passes.

"See." you say, "Almost a whole minute of sobriety."

==»

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Sorry for disappearing for months like we always do.


	231. Looming

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==»

* * *

><p>Whilst experiencing a tender moment, the two in the science room are completely unaware of a small, stout figure looming in the door way. Watching.<p>

==» FF: John: Help Dave learn his notes


	232. John: Help Dave with his notes

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» FF: John: Help Dave learn his notes

* * *

><p>You are now John. You and Dave are alone in the vast auditorium on stage and you've been helping Dave with his awesome part from Don't Stop Believing that he gets to sing with (cringe) Feferi. Your finger hits the B flat key and Dave's voice returns the note. "Good." you remark with a smile. Your fingers slowly go up the C Major scale, his voice copying each note like the sound wave hit a mirror and was reflected.<p>

"Awesome. You're pretty solid on that. Now let's try... C Major." you tell him, once again slowly playing each not and his voice returning with impressive precision. You muse about what his background in music is and why he's so damned good. Is it just because he's good at everything? Has he always loved it? Then your silly ass remembers his reputation around the school as the beatmaster extraordinaire, knight of raps and throwdowns.

"All right this is way to easy, let's try the important stuff... G Major." you tell him. He nods, not really knowing what the hell that is, but going along with it because he doesn't really care. Or, more precisely, he doesn't look like he really cares.

You slowly play through the scale, his voice straining more and more. His voice soars, with a bit of struggle, on the last, high G. You give him a big smile.

"Dude, that was awesome! You're really talented." you tell him.

Dave shrugs, "Comes with the territory. Heh, but no seriously. Can we take a break? I'm seriously thirsty..."

You beam at him, "Of course we can. As you can see I prepared." you gesture toward a nearby blanket laid out with pillows and a basket.

"Oh. That's what that's for." Dave says.

You sit down and pat a spot next to you for him to sit as well.

==» Dave: Take a seat


	233. Dave Take A Seat

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Dave: Take a seat

* * *

><p>You sit down next to John not sure exactly what's brewing in your intestines. You have this odd stirring in your stomach. You can feel your pulse pounding in your ears like bass in a club and something in you feels guilty. For some reason you can't shake the knack that just sitting with this awesome kid makes you a terrible person or something. You shrug it off, trying to ignore that this is kind of GAY AS HELL.<p>

John takes a thermos and a couple of little plastic cups out ("Like the ones from the airplanes." you remark) and pours some red liquid into them. You don't really catch what he calls the concoction, you're just relieved to have liquids enter your body as you pour the stuff down your throat.

"Seriously, though. You're really talented." John says again. You feel tempted to take another fat swig from the thermos of whatever the shit it was but something distracts you. John is talking and you notice his lips. They're perfect. Like. Not too full, but not tiny either. His lower lip is a bit more plump than the upper one.

You don't even know what the shit this kid is saying. What even is he talking about?

Then you look at his mouth again. He got some of that red crap above his lip. Figures. Kid looks like a lot of things, but graceful isn't one of them.

"Hey. You've got a little red on your lip." you tell him, voice level. His face lights up with surprise, you probably just interrupted everything. Ass.

You say,"It's..." and then instead of finishing the sentence your dumbshit ass slowly puts your thumb to his upper lip and gently wipes it, like you're wiping a smudge off of a fucking porcelain doll or some important, delicate shit like that.

The only thing the kid can do is stare at you, blue eyes all bright like giant like a cloudless sky.

What.

The.

Fuck.

What just happened.

Now you and him are like locked via eyes. You feel naked. Like the kid has x-ray vision and can see right through your aviators.

You slowly draw your hand off of his face.

==» John: ?!


	234. John: Gasp

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: ?!

You don't know how it happened but here you are eye to eye with Dave Strider. Your heart is pounding loud as shit and you feel like everyone in the tri state area can hear it clear as a bell. Suddenly he's on top of you and you don't even know what the shit is happening and only that you think you might love it.

His hands are by your shoulders, he is literally completely on top of you and what in the name of derse is this holy fucking shit you don't know what the hell to do.

Turns out that's okay because Dave takes the lead.

He slowly lowers his face to yours and your lips touch.

The best way you could describe the feeling is getting a jousting lance in the chest. But, like, in a good way.

Excitement shoots from your lips all the way to your toes, making everything tingle.

Your eyes flutter shut and now you know why all those girls in those movies you watch get all short of breath and swoon. You're pretty sure you're swooning right now and you have run out of shits to give.

==»


	235. John: Gasp II

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==»

* * *

><p>Short of breath suddenly everything stops. It was like the time you were in a haunted house in the third grade. It was all dark and the mood was right but then suddenly something caught on fire and all the lights turned on and the scary alcove was really just a room with lots of strings and shit.<p>

That's what it felt like when Dave suddenly jumped upward off of you. "I gotta go. Late for... I need to go." he says, turning around, ready to dash off.

You start to feel sick, "W-wait I..."

"Just. Please. Forget this ever happened." and with that Dave Strider leaves the auditorium before you can even blink.

Feelings assault you.

You feel like you're going to throw up.

You feel like you're going to cry.

You feel like you really want your Nanna.

==» Dave: Find somewhere to hide


	236. Dave: Find Somewhere to Hide

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» Dave: Find somewhere to hide

* * *

><p>You sprint out of the auditorium. You need to find somewhere empty. Somewhere solitary. You find a bathroom and after hunting for inhabitants find it blissfully devoid of life.<p>

You slide down a wall, hiding your face in your hands for a moment as your butt meets cold, dirty ground.

Shit.

_Shit._

What the fuck just happened?

You take your face out of your hands.

Calm down Dave.

_Fuck._

Calm your shit. You're a Strider. Striders don't stress. Striders don't worry. Striders don't feel. And Striders damn sure don't... Don't... Get "overwhelmed".

You don't even want to think about it. Even the most badass crusaders of awesomeness have a weakness. Superman had Kryptonite, Batman had angst and Dave Strider has something entirely less cool and about six billion times more humiliating.

_Shit._

Are you really stressing more about your "issue" than you are about what you just _did_?

You don't want to reminisce on his lips or how you felt or any of that crap. There is a time and place for that shit and in Stephanie Meyer's novels seems like the only appropriate place for what you feel. Felt. Whatever. Fuck.

You just do what all guys do when they're conflicted.

You shove the feelings into the back of your mind like you shove your porno mags into the bottom of your drawers.

==» John: Stick your finger down your throat


	237. John: Stick your finger down your throat

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: Stick your finger down your throat

* * *

><p>You jab your finger, coughing a bit from its dry tickle against your wet throat.<p>

Nothing.

You've been standing over this toilet for ten minutes.

At first you rushed in here because you thought you were for sure going to vom.

After a while of failing epicly you tried to induce it.

You open your mouth wide again and jam your finger down again.

You hack and cough loudly and... Nothing.

"Hey! Hey whoa whoa whoa _whao!" _a voice calls from behind you. You sniff a bit, not looking up at the voice.

"Did you just induce throwing up, John? Do you have something you ould... would like to talk about?" the voice asked. You sigh.

"Well. I _tried_ to throw up. But... I epicly failed. Guess I have no gag reflex." you say with dejection.

"Don't worry. That'll come in handy later in life. Now, why don't we co... go down to my office and have a talk." the woman tells you.

You sigh again and get up.

==» John: Talk to Ms. Lalonde


	238. John: Talk to Ms Lalonde

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: Talk to Ms. Lalonde

* * *

><p>You now sit across from Ms. Lalonde in her small office. Behind her an array of ridiculous pamphlets titled things like "Ouch! That Stings!" and "My Mom's Bipolar and she Won't Stop YELLING" and "I Can't Stop Touching Myself!" lay out for the student body to pick up at their liberty.<p>

The guidance counselor slides one titled "So You Like Throwing Up: Understanding and Overcoming Bulimia" toward you on her desk.

"So, how long have you sturgled... _struggled _with this?" asks Ms. Lalonde.

You feel really embarrassed to be having this conversation right now.

"Um, well, I'm not bulimic. I mean, I _tried_ it, but it didn't really work out..." you tell her.

Ms. Lalonde nods and takes a sip of a glass of wine on her desk. "Well, kay. Then why don't we get to the root of the porbwem... problem. Why did you _try _to throw up?"

The more she asks the more pathetic you feel. You answer, "Well, you see... I just... Oh God this sounds stupid... I don't know I thought... Please don't make me answer this."

Ms. Lalonde cocks an eyebrow at you. You utter, "I want to be more... desirable. Like... Oh, I dunno maybe Feferi Peixes."

"Fefer Peixes? The Cheerio? Oh she's beauiwf... Beaeauti... whatever. You get it." she tells you. You nod, "Yeah. I know."

"But... But _why _do you want to be pretty like Feferi?" Ms. Lalonde queries.

You think about that for a minute and tell her, "Have you ever liked someone so much you just want to lock yourself in a room and listen to sad music and cry?"

"No. That's... Silly." Ms. Lalonde replies with a far away look in her eye.

"...Right. Well, anyways... You're perfect just the way you are, John. If it's meant to be it'll all come together_" _she tells you.

You feel like you've read that fortune cookie a million times, but nod appreciatively and take your leave.

==» John: Go to your locker.


	239. John: Go to your locker

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» John: Go to your locker

* * *

><p>You walk out of the office feeling like there's a void in your stomach.<p>

You walk out and see it.

Well actually, _them_.

Dave walks out with a smirk on his face, his mouth curving ever so slightly upwards and his girlfriend, pretty, popular Feferi under his arm. Just like things should be. Just like the were and just like they'll probably always be.

You feel the void in your stomach grow.

You steer yourself away from the happy couple and find yourself face to face with your dad.

"Dad," you say, "Can I use the auditorium to rehearse tonight? I think the neighbors want to file a lawsuit."

Your dad silently gave you the affirmative. You stroll toward the auditorium.

==» [S]: Take A Bow


	240. S: Take a Bow

**Gleestuck**

**Episode 2**

**Season 1**

==» [S]: Take a Bow

* * *

><p>You hear the piano in your head and sigh, running a hand through your hair. By means you really don't feel like questioning why Jade and Nepeta are there for back up.<p>

You let it out.

_Whoa, how a bout a round of applause_

_Hey, standing ovation_

_Ooo, oh_

_You look so dumb right now_

_Standing outside my house_

_Trying to apologize_

_You're so ugly when you cry_

_Please_

_Just cut it out_

_And don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not_

_Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught_

_But you put on quite a show (oooh)_

_Really had me going_

_Now it's time to go (ooohh)_

_Curtains finally closing_

_That was quite a show (oooh)_

_Very entertaining (ooh oh)_

_But it's over now (But it's over now)_

_Go on and take a bow_

_Ohhh_

_And the award for the best liar goes to you (Goes to you for making me)_

_For making me believe that you could be faithful to me_

_Let's hear your speech _

_Yyyeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh (Well you put on quite a show, really had me going!)_

_Now it's time to go (ooh)_

_Curtains finally closing_

_That was quite a show (oh ohh)_

_Very entertaining_

_But it's over now (But it's over now)_

_Go on and take a bow..._

_But it's over now..._

You stop.

**END EPISODE 2**


End file.
